Mrs. Lovett A customer! Wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry? You gave me such a... fright! I thought you was a ghost! Half a minute, can't ya sit? Sit ya down! Sit! All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks. Did ya come here for a pie, sir? Do forgive me if my head's a little vague. Ugh! What is that? But you'd think we had the plague. From the way that people keep avoiding! No you don't! Heaven knows I try, sir! But there's no one comes in even to inhale! Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale? Mind you I can hardly blame them! These are probably the worst pies in London. I know why nobody cares to take them! I should know! I make them! But good? No... The worst pies in London... Even that's polite! The worst pies in London! If you doubt it take a bite! Sweeney Todd (spoken) Ugh! Mrs. Lovett (sung) Is that just, disgusting? You have to concede it! It's nothing but crusting! Here drink this, you'll need it. The worst pies in London And no wonder with the price of meat what it is when you get it. Never thought I'd live to see the day. Men'd think it was a treat findin' poor animals what are dyin' in the street. Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop. Does a business, but I notice something weird. Lately, all her neighbors cats have disappeared. Have to hand it to her! What I calls, enterprise! Poppin' pussies into pies! Wouldn't do in my shop! Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick! And I'm telling you them pussycats is quick. No denying times is hard, sir! Even harder than the worst pies in London. Only lard and nothing more- Is that just revolting? All greasy and gritty? It looks like it's molting! And tastes like...we'll pity. A woman alone...with limited wind And the worst pies in London! Ah, sir Times is hard. Times is hard. Sweeney Todd (spoken) Isn't that a room up there? Over the shop? If times are so hard, why don't you rent it out? Should bring in something... Mrs. Lovett (spoken) Up there? Huh, no one'll go near it. People think it's haunted. You see years ago something happened, something not very nice.
Mrs. Lovett (spoken) My! Them handles is chased silver, ain't they? Sweeney Todd (spoken) Silver, yes. (sung) These are my friends. See how they glisten. See this one shine... How he smiles in the light. My friend. My faithful friend... Speak to me friend. Whisper... I'll listen. I know, I know you've been locked out of sight all these years, like me My friend... well I've come home to find you waiting. Home, and we're together! And we'll do wonders. Won't we? You there, my friend? Mrs. Lovett I'm your friend too, Mr. Todd If you only knew, Mr. Todd Ooh, Mr. Todd You're warm in my hand. You've come home! Always had a fondness for you, I did. Sweeney Todd (simultaneously) Come let me hold you. Now, with a sigh, you grow warm in my hand. My friend! My clever friend... Mrs. Lovett Never you fear, Mr. Todd You can move in here, Mr. Todd Mr. Todd, splendors. You never have dreamed all your days will be yours! I'm your friend and you're mine! Don't they shine beautiful? Silver's good enough for me, Mr. T. Sweeney Todd (simultaneously) Rest now, my friends. Soon, I'll unfold you. Soon you'll know splendors You never have dreamed all you days, my lucky friends 'Til now your shine was merely silver. Friends, you shall drip rubies, you'll soon drip precious rubies... (spoken) AT LAST! MY RIGHT ARM IS COMPLETE AGAIN!
There was a barber and his wife. And he was beautiful... A proper artist with a knife, but they transported him for life. And he was beautiful... (spoken) Barker his name was. Benjamin Barker. Sweeney Todd (spoken) Transported? What was his crime? Mrs. Lovett Foolishness... He had this wife, ya see. Pretty little thing, silly little nit. Had her chance for the moon on a string... Poor thing! Poor thing! There were these two, ya see... Wanted her like mad! One of them a judge one of them his beadle! Everyday they'd nudge and they'd weadle! Still she wouldn't budge from her needle! Too bad! Pure thing! So they merely shipped the poor blighter off south, they did! Leaving her with nothing but grief and a year old kid! Did she use her head even then? Oh no, God forbid! Poor fool! Ah, but there was worse yet to come! Poor thing! (spoken) Johanna, that was the baby's name. Pretty little Johanna. Sweeney Todd (spoken) Go on... Mrs. Lovett (spoken) My, but you do like a good story, don't you? (sung) Well, Beadle calls on her all polite Poor thing! Poor thing! The judge, he tells her, is all contright. He blames himself for her dreadful plight. She must come straight to his house tonight! Poor thing! Poor thing! Of course when she goes there... Poor thing! Poor thing! They're having this ball all in masks. There's no one she knows there! Poor dear! Poor thing! She wonders, tormented and drinks! Poor thing! The judge has repented, she thinks. Poor thing! "Oh where is Judge Turpin?" she asks... He was there, alright! Only not so contright! She wasn't no match for such craft, ya see. And everyone thought it so droll. They figured she had to be daft, ya see. So all of them stood there and laughed, ya see! Poor soul! Poor thing! Sweeney Todd (spoken) Would no one have mercy on her!? Mrs. Lovett (spoken) So it is you, Benjamin Barker! Sweeney Todd (spoken) NOT BARKER! NOT BARKER! (taking her by the neck) TODD NOW! SWEENEY TODD! Mrs. Lovett (spoken) Oh, you poor thing... You poor thing... Wait. See? When they come for the little girl, I hid 'em. I thought, "who knows?" maybe the poor silly blighter will be back again someday and need 'em. Cracked in the head, wasn't I? Times as bad as they are I maybe could've got five or ten quid for 'em any day. See?
