Small Brown Bike

Our signal is breaking up.
I'd like to focus my attention on something bigger than my thoughts.
Watch where you point those words.
Same saga.
Our hero never wins.
(Hardly a hero at all)
My eyes won't focus.
I'm standing crooked at the wrong place and wrong time.
Air sweeps through my ears like a vacuum.
Pulling life from view.
Draining me from you.
Welcome to our vacuum.

Remember when you said that things would never change.
You liar. Because these days things in my life, they don't stay the same.
You changer. Driving (at you). Thinking (of you).
Tears scream down my face.
Trying (for you). Talking (to you).
An incoherent mess.
Pulled up to your place with a script fully prepared.
I'm acting. You stared with no applause.
A broken leg review. I'm failing. (Failing with you)
A drawer full of nothing, except old birthdays and business cards.
And photos that seem like history.
A history worth nothing.
Like a future with no friend.

I fall asleep to the breeze from your open window. And your computer screen lit the room just right. The last thing from your mouth sheds light. (Goodnight) You are the one who calls my arms. Wave from home and sound alarms. The want is angled from afar. And I don't want to leave, especially with this breeze. (But my ambition teases me) This truth be known. I shout it in this song. My song to say forget where I've gone wrong. Times changed. I've changed. Now I feel like my life has changed. I lie awake to this long night. To separate me from my mind until the morning light just shines. Your words sound right. Cast these images to find. (I can't sleep another night)

I'll take Sunday night with a blanket over this old, dark house.
An occasional ruffle, but nothing like you or even this memory of you.
Do you save our pictures like I do?
Home is where you die.
We we're like a lullaby.
You hit like a hammer now.
You used to lean into me.
Now you stand away.
Those wheels just push right by now.
Just a few feet from my life.
If I leaned into their mess.
I'd see you in hell. See you in hell.
You looked straight at me,
then laughed and said so honestly,
"You're so dead now."
As I thought to myself, "Is that really true?"
Because I killed you in my head.
You can too.
There's no second chance.

"Let's start this summer before it ends," is what she said.
"Let's hit the road and live this life before we're dead," he said.
To give is to take. To leave is to break.
Opposing opinions are curling waves.
Misunderstand. Ask then demand.
The situation must go as planned.
I'm at the crossroad of puppetry and pulmonary.
Let's stop this fall before the climb becomes too much to bear.
(Please look at me and listen carefully) This is mine.
(A compromise consists of give and take) We must understand.
Our clenched fists turn to open hands.
It takes more to give than to demand.
I understand. No more demand.
Let's let the waves wash these prints from the sand.
(I should appreciate what he's done for me) Respect is key.
(We love like family and treat like enemies) We must understand.
(Clenched fists turn to open hands. It takes more to give)

(Listen) to me, my best friend. Permission granted friend, but stay close to my heart and we'll get through this sad part. (Wander) with me, my lost friend and find something that makes sense. We catch drift far from home. Return to things we don't know. (This ship will burn) Breaking waves and bitter lives. (Full steam ahead) Turning tides and hanging minds. (Stop shoveling coal) Churn our sea, unpredictably. (The boiler room is full) (Recover) with me, my hurt friend. The wounds you wear aren't forever. The air will cool where you bleed. Your tears bear salt from our sea. (This ship will not overturn. These waves will not cool this burn. This sea will not swallow me. This past will not defeat me.) This distance is so absurding. Dropped anchor just to keep on moving. Found times bound ground in course from dead reckoning. The true course at what speed? Past times find ways to drown. Deciding distance for the present roaming. Off course source bound for worse in dead reckoning. We'll find true speed in traveling on. (Assumed command. Complied and warned those who don't know what it might have done.) (Hold on) to me, my last friend. My sails are free from all wind. Step down from my seat. My drowning mind sinks slowly.

Cabin in the woods. Where I feel isolation. Where I feel separation from everything. But my mind travels distances that my body can't make. I find it hard to sleep with this oncoming dream, I recite, "I see you." This room sinks below. Underground tonight. Is your room sinking too? I lie in the hide away bed. An attempt for the best to awake my sleeping life. Death is contagious. Death is courageous. The phone was crying tonight, but I can't answer its call. (Wake up, wake up) With a purpose to react to this loss of response. "I'll find you."

Everything was so dead still. The air just froze and broke. Those few words that you said to you. They had no place to go, but to our minds, to our hearts and the torture wasn't marked. Now I've found that you hated our lives. I just think it through sometimes and get nowhere, but lost. I can't help but miss those things that we found through our talks. Now we don't laugh and we don't sing and I can't understand a thing. And the thirds and the fifths are all gone. (And it's so hard to see you now) Don't be my unsung zero. (And it's so wrong to hate you now) Don't be my unsung zero. (I can only scream half as loud) Don't be my unsung zero. I don't want to chase the past. It feels like finding ghosts. You seem to have your mind set up. It's creeping from our home. We don't talk and we don't call in this manufactured war where I can't even aim with my eyes. Now that we've closed that door. Hugged and stepped away. Thank you from my heart. With one last thing to say. I miss our life.

I sit above the rooms of our home.
Expose myself to a loss that I've known.
No clouds exist in this blue sky.
I use my sense for the first time.
My hands hold on to the horizon.
Can't catch my breath, so I stop trying.
This small part of me counts down mathematically.
It will bury me with you.
I am here for just a short time.
You've been gone for this stretch of my life.
Please live through me.
Now this tragedy becomes reality to our family.
I am here for just a short time.
You've been gone for this stretch of my life.
This small part of me counts down mathematically.
It will bury me with you.

You see your kids born
and they see us die.
This cycle, it isn't perfect
Sometimes you see them and die.
This cycle never stops.
It is a lesson
a memory
How much can you remember?
The more you remember
the more it hurts
We spen half of our lives living with each other
and the other half is to remember or cope with a loss
I can't do this myself
We are forced to see this
Untie me and let me close my eyes.
When they're gone
where do I stand?
To deal with both life and loss would push me to the edge
Brothers and sisters
come together to console each other
their Father or Mother.
When it's time
let's all fall hand in hand peacefully.
Closeness and each other
A lesson to remember

I came to see you and talk about how things have been.
I can't keep fighting and think about what we have left.
Wrap me up. Spit me out.
I've had these fights for years so now.
Slow me down. Call me out.
I've had these doubts, but no one knows just how.
Where do you think that I stand now?
Where do you think you will let me fall?
I can see it. A picture of one cold, dark cloud.
A mist around you to choke the painful worlds out of your crooked mouth.
Think it out. Calm me down.
I come home so dull and feel unknown.
Take a break? Foreign ground.
It never feels quite right, the way that we put each other down.
I've been being too vague now.
I've been writing the same old friends.
These predictions will mean so little
in light of all of the things that we can't mend.
I will be there to resuscitate you.

This is the last time that I feel lonely and sorry for myself.
It's getting worse without your help.
This is the last time that I feel tired.
I've tried to sleep at night and days walk by without much light.
Let me give back just a little.
Let me give back just a little this time.
Let me get back to the middle.
Let me get back to the middle this time.
This is the last time that I feel broken.
I've tried to fix this mess.
For years and years I fight my stress.
This is the last time that I feel helpless.
I've forced out every word and it still feels like I won't be heard.
Won't you help me?