I hope ya flip some guy the bird He cuts you off and you're forced to swerve In front of the Beatles' tour bus A Bookmobile and a Mack truck Hauling hazardous biological waste The light turns red you have no brakes And "Hard Copy" gets it all on tape So you can see the look on your face
Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die
I hope your Pinto begins to spin Takes out a disabled Vietnam Veteran Mows down a Nobel Peace Prize Winner And maybe some orphans having Christmas dinner Perhaps even the British Royal Family And the Rabbi that's clutching the bottle-fed puppy And we can't forget the newlyweds And those Jerry's Kids are as good as dead
I hope this helps to emphasize I hope this helps to clarify I hope you die
I hope your cellmate thinks he's God But C.N.N. refer to him as "Bowling Ball Bag Bob" Serving time again for abuse of a corpse Only this time the victim's a Clydesdale horse While he masturbates to photos of livestock He does the "Silence of the Lambs" dance to Christian Rock Eats feces and quotes from "Deliverance" And fights with his imaginary playmate Vince
Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die Die
I hope he grins like Jack Nicholson And forces you to play a game called "Balls On Chin" And whatever happens next is all a blur But you remember "fist" can be a verb And when you finally regain consciousness You're bound and gagged in a wedding dress And the prison guard looks the other way ‘Cause he's the guy ya flipped the bird the other day
I hope this helps to emphasize I hope this helps to clarify I hope you die
"A" is for "Apple" "B" is for "Balloons" "C" is for "Crayons" "D" is for "Drum"
Like my scrotum here it is in a nutshell
One thousand nine hundred and seventy-two That's the year I got here when my dear mother's water blew Not really realizing the prize that's been begot to her The bona fide lo-fi high-octane philosopher Genius with a penis the few the proud the me I liked me so much I had to buy the company Soul for sale sold to Satan for a hell of a lotta luck I'm hard to come by like a straight guy working at Starbucks Thank the thinkers that think they thunk the thoughts that theorized Idolized or despised bet I'm gettin' recognized Mount Rushmore it? No ignore it can't rock with no big head Half of the people want me half of the people want me dead I am the Angel of Def with my rhymes against humanity Teeter-tottering between brilliance and insanity The one part the Fuehrer the one part the Pope It's the inevitable return baby of the Great White Dope
Conclusions you drew proportions you blew Lost son of Iggy? False Bigger nose than Ziggy? True Yes my name is Jimmy Pop no my pop's name is Dick Don't admit to kick it slick you thick derelict critic Put down for missed notes put up with misquotes Don't want the whole story? Should have bought the Cliff Notes Like Fingerpainting 101 give me no credit for having class One thumb on the pulse of the nation one thumb in your girlfriend's ass I don't think that I'm a sell-out but I do "Enjoy Coke!" I struck gold but never took it for granite that's how I planned it so can it Around the planet fans demand it and you'll never understand it When I die no lie plan on mass pandemonium They may display my brain in a pickle jar at the Smithsonian The one part the Fuehrer the one part the Pope It's the inevitable return baby of the Great White Dope
One part the Fuehrer one part the Pope The inevitable return of the Great White Dope One part the Fuehrer one part the Pope The inevitable return of the Great White Dope One part the Fuehrer one part the Pope The inevitable return of the Great White Dope One part the Fuehrer one part the Pope The inevitable return of the Great White Dope
Great White Dope Great White Dope Great White Dope Great White Dope
Hello Frank, Hello mother dear Hi, ..., what are you doin' I am trying to think of words that rhyme with vagina Oh, lima? Like lima beans How about that, that teenage witch, Sabrina No, that's a made up-word, Jim What if you change the word vagina to something else Like boxer, pussy or cunt. No, Jim........
My last girlfriend didn't like me thought she might be Most likely a dyke she just didn't excite me Lefty? Yeah but that was alright She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company Ass like a donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she's a flunky So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd I'm white which goes with everything but I can come in any color And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies? Like em' easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispie Treat, gee You know what I really want in a girl? Me
I need to find a new vagina Any kind of new vagina It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina Calvin Klein, kind of. North Carolina
Women are like dog, doo, hear me through don't interrupt It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up I'd fill the generation gap clean the cobwebs from her rafters Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture No age just ain't a gauge I like my girls like my cheese Preferably for me fat-free American singles only I want my next chick anorexic, the winner is the thinner Won't have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner Like Sizzler she got a beef we'll chew the fat If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don't play rough No I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up Just independent like NOFX ,smart like Janeane Garafolo She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System, gee You know what I really want in a girl? Me
I need to find a new vagina Any kind of new vagina It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina Kevin Klein? Kind of South Carolina
We gonna drop this next bomb for a money makin' playa that ain't with us no mo. Yeah, Notorious B.I.G. Hell no, we gonna do this for a gangbanging thug that never seen it comin'. Yeah, Tupac Shakur. Nah bitch, I'm talkin' ‘bout motherfuckin' Falco and shit. What? Falco?
Rock me Amadeus Rock me Amadeus Rock me Amadeus Rock me Amadeus
Tried to O.D. on the Cold-Eeze "Golden Girls" got me "Sweatin' To The Oldies" Hanging out like Double Ds sip Long Island Iced Teas Wrote to Mayor McCheese "Send a Shamrock Shake please!" Three O' Clock on the dot time to cruise for Eighth graders Rather tape the Weather Channel so that I can watch it later Reruns of Rerun so "What's Happening?" Dee's knocked up and Rog on crack again Deep throat a whole Nutty Buddy Make whoopie to a batch of Silly Putty Make a Spam and Colgate sandwich and ate it Go through "National Geographic" and draw panties on the natives So I like to dance naked in front of my pets But my cat was inattentive so I sent him U.P.S. Playin' spin the bottle with my mom I watch "Cops" with no pants on
Must've blown a fuse nothing's going on Lamer than the Pope climb the walls like King Kong Buggin' out like Tori Spelling's eyes Deader than the parents on a "Party of Five" Luciano Pavoratti on a treadmill Not going nowhere slim chance we will Less hip than Bo Jackson bored like wood Dick around like Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it Relax don't do it when you wanna cum Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it Relax don't do it when you wanna cum
Nowhere to go I can't wake up late Just sit around and wait for my Old Spice to activate Stalemate jailbait in "My So-Called Life" imprisonment Amazing what a good breakfast pickles make isn't it? I like to pretend I'm speed reading Never lose the sight of the thrill of sneezing Don't need a shower today just some Brut by Faberge Smell the ass of my jeans clean they'll do another day And I recycle I sniff my own farts I dial the wrong number hope a conversation starts I mean I might as well be listenin' to Journey Givin' myself a mullet hook the Flowbee to the Kirby Make a prank call pretendin' I'm a mime Get stuck in traffic just to pass the time Sent a letter in the mail in Braille to Johnny Quest Send me back my Etch-A-Sketch
Must've blown a fuse nothing's going on Lamer than the Pope climb the walls like King Kong Buggin' out like Tori Spelling's eyes Deader than the parents on a "Party of Five" Luciano Pavoratti on a treadmill Not going nowhere slim chance we will Less hip than Bo Jackson, bored like wood Dick around like Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it Relax don't do it when you wanna cum Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it Relax don't do it when you wanna cum
I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums When you wanna cum I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums When you wanna cum I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums When you wanna cum I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums When you wanna cum
Yo yo yo yo yo! What it is motherfuckers? Aw shit, here comes Pac-Man. Hey Pac-Man, what's up? Me you bitches! I'm high on crack! Wanna freebase? No Pac-Man drugs are bad! Nope can't help you man. Pussies. Whoa! Holy shit!
Must've blown a fuse nothing's going on Lamer than the Pope climb the walls like King Kong Buggin' out like Tori Spelling's eyes Deader than the parents on a "Party of Five" Luciano Pavoratti on a treadmill Not going nowhere slim chance we will Less hip than Bo Jackson bored like wood Dick around like Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it Relax don't do it when you wanna cum Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it Relax don't do it when you wanna cum
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on Yummy down on yummy down on this down on Yummy down on yummy down on this down on Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Ouch it won’t reach my mouth If I could do it myself I’d probably never leave the house But I can’t so here’s where you come in Giving it "Diff’rent Strokes" just like Arnold Drummond Hummin’ hmm hmm good like Campbell’s And you’ll handle the sack like the quarterback Randall Cunningham like Joanie loves Chachi They call him Ralph Mouth ‘cause he’s down on Potsie Rocky chasing the chicken Watch the plot thicken with the cock when your lickin’ Me like Apollo your Creed my Mission You go down for the count I countdown ignition Blast off you’re a rocket scientist A genius what I mean is you suck at this So escargot ‘cause my snail needs Frenchin’ You must be five stars cause my staff’s at full attention
Yummy down on this down on this down on this Yummy down on this down on this down on this Yummy down on this down on this down on this Yummy down on this down on this down on this
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on Yummy down on yummy down on this down on Yummy down on yummy down on this down on Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Dinner for one I know you got your reservations Starvation like a Third World Nation So do it for the children and I’ll make a donation My fly’s in your eyes let me rise to the occasion In my Underoos I tend to be brief So when you’re sinking your teeth deep into my beef You can fondle but it’s kind of like McDonald’s realize it’s Just a Happy Meal so you can’t Super Size it Told to hold the pickle then you went and blew it Gherkin off and the Special Sauce comes included But you knew it did so concentrate like Tropicana To eat a Chiquita you need to grow the banana So can ya Bob like Dylan on my Peter like Criss ‘Til it’s Chubby like Checker c’mon baby do the twist It’s all in the wrist like table tennis So beat me like Betty Crocker cake mix
Yummy down on this down on this down on this (x4)
Suck it suck it suck it suck it suck it suck it (x4)
If you were a Hindu I could aim for the dot
Yummy down on this Yummy down on this
Yummy down on this throbbing pole of hot man chicken. And feel free to wiggledunk those purple bulldog cheeks.
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on Yummy down on yummy down on this down on Yummy down on yummy down on this down on Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Ouch it won’t reach my mouth If I could do it myself I’d probably never leave the house But I can’t so here’s where you come in Giving it "Diff’rent Strokes" just like Arnold Drummond Hummin’ hmm hmm good like Campbell’s And you’ll handle the sack like the quarterback Randall Cunningham like Joanie loves Chachi They call him Ralph Mouth ‘cause he’s down on Potsie Rocky chasing the chicken Watch the plot thicken with the cock when your lickin’ Me like Apollo your Creed my Mission You go down for the count I countdown ignition Blast off you’re a rocket scientist A genius what I mean is you suck at this So escargot ‘cause my snail needs Frenchin’ You must be five stars cause my staff’s at full attention
Yummy down on this down on this down on this Yummy down on this down on this down on this Yummy down on this down on this down on this Yummy down on this down on this down on this
Yummy down on yummy down on this down on Yummy down on yummy down on this down on Yummy down on yummy down on this down on Yummy down on yummy down on this down on
Dinner for one I know you got your reservations Starvation like a Third World Nation So do it for the children and I’ll make a donation My fly’s in your eyes let me rise to the occasion In my Underoos I tend to be brief So when you’re sinking your teeth deep into my beef You can fondle but it’s kind of like McDonald’s realize it’s Just a Happy Meal so you can’t Super Size it Told to hold the pickle then you went and blew it Gherkin off and the Special Sauce comes included But you knew it did so concentrate like Tropicana To eat a Chiquita you need to grow the banana So can ya Bob like Dylan on my Peter like Criss ‘Til it’s Chubby like Checker c’mon baby do the twist It’s all in the wrist like table tennis So beat me like Betty Crocker cake mix
Yummy down on this down on this down on this (x4)
Suck it suck it suck it suck it suck it suck it (x4)
If you were a Hindu I could aim for the dot
Yummy down on this Yummy down on this
Yummy down on this throbbing pole of hot man chicken. And feel free to wiggledunk those purple bulldog cheeks.
Ooh, that was creepy I would rather slurp rancid tunasalad out of my own ass or scour my boobies off with a rusty SLS pad or hump a piece of splintered ...
Why try? I'm that guy Holden Caulfield from "Catcher In The Rye" Put away ‘cause he wasn't all there Like a jigsaw puzzle you might compare Me to him not a liver but wurst Been much better off as a still birth Big let down unparalleled Like the last episode of "Seinfeld" Or Jack Lemmon in "Glengarry Glen Ross" Pepsi Challenge took it lost Just fizzed out with my wires crossed Buttons pushed but never went off Like Martha I will self-destruct The name's Dunnstock it's not Dumptruck Just cursed as fuck with no such luck My future plans include not much
Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be Nothin' more than me Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be Nothin' more than me Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be Nothin' more than me Always gonna be always gonna be always gonna always gonna be Most likely to suck
Wanna be a Ghostbuster First black President, owner of "Hustler" Got shot down like Larry Flynt Felt like shit like a bowel movement Have you seen my will to live? Because I seem to have lost it Lovelife? No but Mom thinks I'm handsome Couldn't get off if I held a pimp for ransom Feel like Jimmy Stewart no one sees my Harvey Toxic Shock Syndrome gets more girls than me Like Pee Wee Herman spermin' I can See the future in the palm of my hand Psychic Friends, Network loser Large phone bill in my very near future Dealt nothing and bluffing hard Playing poker with a joker and some Uno cards
Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be Nothin' more than me Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be Nothin' more than me Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be Nothin' more than me Always gonna be always gonna be always gonna always gonna be Most likely to suck
Ha-ha, well now, We call this the act of mating But there are several other Very important differences Between human beings and animals That you should know about I'd appreciate your input
Sweat baby, sweat baby Sex is a Texas drought Me and you do the kind of stuff That only Prince would sing about So put your hands down my pants And I bet you'll feel nuts Yes I''m Siskel, yes I'm Ebert And you're getting two thumbs up You've had enough of two-hand touch You want it rough, you're out of bounds I want you smothered, want you covered Like my Waffle House hashbrowns Comin' quicker than Fed Ex Never reach an apex Just like coca-cola stock You are inclined to make me rise an hour early Just like daylight savings time Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let''s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Gettin' horny now
Love the kind, you clean up With a mop and bucket Like the lost catacombs of Egypt Only God knows where we stuck it Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna go down in your South Seas But I got this notion That the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory" So if I capsize on your thights High tide B-5 you sunk my battleship Please turn me on I'm Mr. Coffee With an automatic drip So show me yours, I'll show you mine "Tool Time" You'll Lovelett just like Lyle And then we'll do it doggy style So we can both watch "X-Files"
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let''s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Gettin' horny now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let''s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Gettin' horny now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let''s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Do it again now You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Gettin' horny now
Alright now boys and girls we've got another story for you now! We want to introduce to you another friend of the Bible!
Hell yeah Hell yeah Hell yeah Hell yeah
If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V. Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea
If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2" If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no
Hell yeah (x4)
If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing
If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins, thou shall not cut "Footloose" If I were God that's what I'd do, Heavens no
Hell yeah (x4)
And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off He goes by the name Jesus and steals hubcaps from cars Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar? To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt Crucified and all I got was this lousy T-shirt "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged Yeah that's what I would do if I were God So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to Heaven Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven" With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick You just can't teach an old God new tricks But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem? If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy? Just sport some crummy "holier than thou" facade Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. It had been a while. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well I find it's quite a thrill When she grinds me against her will Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave", this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock. Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin', ‘cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer." Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance. And then she told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation. ‘Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well I find it's quite a thrill When she grinds me against her will Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. Got to nail her back at her trailer. Heh. That rhymes. I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well I find it's quite a thrill When she grinds me against her will Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin and slid on into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop. There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped. So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' Well I find it's quite a thrill When she grinds me against her will Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Every time I think that I'm the only one who's lonely Someone calls on me And every now and then I spend my time at rhyme and verse And curse those faults in me
And then along comes Mary And does she want to give me kicks and be my steady chick And give me pick of memories Or maybe rather gather tales from all the fails and tribulations No one ever sees When we met I was sure out to lunch Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When vague desire is the fire In the eyes of chicks whose sickness Is the games they play And when the masquerade is played The neighbor folks make jokes At who is most to blame today
And then along comes Mary And does she want to set them free and Let them see reality From where she got her name And will they struggle much when told that such a tender touch of hers Will make them not the same When we met I was sure out to lunch Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
And when the morning of the warning's passed The gassed and flaccid kids Are flung across the stars The psychodramas and the traumas gone The songs have all been sung And hung upon the scars
And then along comes Mary And does she want to see the stains, The dead remains of all the pain She left the night before Or will their waking eyes reflect the lies And make them realize Their urgent cry for sight no more When we met I was sure out to lunch Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch Sweet as the punch Sweet as the punch Sweet as the punch
