Primus

Hello all you boys and girls
I'd like to take you to the inside world
It's quite an irregular place to be
But never fear you're safe with me

Well, maybe

Golden hair of macrame
Against the face that's cut from stone
The white porcelain is screaming ayee

Thank god the boy is not alone

I don't believe in Santa Claus
I don't believe in spite
I have no use for beauty dolls
Especially on this night

I don't believe in miracles
I don't believe in lies
I don't believe in hologram
For I am the Frizzle Fry

Andy's painting green again
This time they might take him away!

When Barrington starts to breathe again
It may just take us all away!

I don't believe in charity
I don't believe in sin
And if you don't believe in me
We'll play this tune over again

I don't believe in pinochle
And I don't believe I'll try
I do believe in Captain Crunch
For I am the Frizzle Fry

Yes I am the Frizzle Fry

When I woke up this mornin' I felt a pang.
I was hungerin' for some apple pie.
Stumble in the bathroom, hung my hog a little bit.
Washed the sleep out of my eye.
Oh yeah, it's gonna be a fine day.
Scratched myself a bit.
Poured me out a bowl-a corn chex.
Closest thing I could find to apple pie.
Lingerin' taste of toothpaste
Made the milk go down a bit funny.
But you know, them chex they do satisfy.
Oh yeah, this'll be a fine day.
So, after my mornin' rise-n-shine and eat-n-clean.
Had my mind set to hit them streets.
Drizzle from the night left cold puddles out.
Had my black stomp-boots on my feet.
It's my day.

Since I was in kneepants my pop had tried to make me realize.
If I set my mind down to it I could be a big man in the public eye.
So with my big blue collar on,
I set out to find the easy way. What an
Ice cold bath it was when I found you had to pay to play.
To taste the taste it's a tease that never would subside.
The taste is strong but soured by my learned eyes.
Well, if a woodchuck could chuck wood,
He'd get down on his knees to pray.
This little snappy boy might see
The light this ground hog's day.

IT WAS A WEEKEND'S EVE.
I HAD A SEX ON MY BREATH
I WAS LOOKIN' FOR SOMETHIN'TO SEE.
WITH A BORROWED BLACK LEATHER AND MY BEST
FISHIN' HAT.
WELL IT WAS JUST WENDY O.AND ME.
WE CALLED OLD SWAMP
UP ON THE TELEPHONE
AND SAID WE WAS COMMIN' ON
DOWN TO PICK HIM UP AND THEN,
HE SAID, "HEY SNAPPY, ME AND GREENY'LL COME ALONG.
BUT ONLY IF WE CAN BRING A FRIEND."
"HIS NAME IS HAROLD."
I SAID, "OKAY."
NOW, WE HAD A SWAMPER, GREENY, WENDY O.
STANLEY, HAROLD OF THE ROCKS AND ME.
WE HOPPED INTO MY DART AND HEADED FOR THE NIGHTBREAK TO SEE A MAN THEY CALL SCHOOLY D.
HAROLD HE'S FRIENDLY GUY.
HE RAMBLES ON AND ON.
HE'LL TALK THE BALLS OFF A RHINOSAURUS.
FACT IS HE JUST DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE.
WELL STAN SAID
" THIS GUY'S PRETTY BIZARRE GUS."
I SAW HAROLD AT A PARTY TROUZY THREW LATE ONE NIGHT.
I SAID,"HEY MAN, DO YOU REMEMBER ME?"
HE SAID "O" COURSE
I DO SNAPDAD AND LET ME TELL YA RIGHT
'BOUT NOW I'M LIT UP LKE AN OL' CHRISTMAS TREE"
"HEY BRO YOU KNOW I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN FOR LET'N ME
HANG WITH YA'ALL ACROSS THE BAY WHEN I LOOK BACK AT THAT NIGHT I GET ME A WARM SPOT ACROSS MY HEART. THEN HE SHOOK MY HAND, AND WALKED AWAY. THAT'S THE LAST I SEEN OF HAROLD.
HAROLD OF THE ROCKS SO IN THE END.
SWAMPER AND GREENY FINALLY SUCCUMB TO THE
WAYS OF HAROLD. AND IN DOING SO EACH GAVE JUST A LITTLE BIT OF HIS SOUL AWAY. WAHT A COUPLE OF DUMBSHITS.

I just want to satisfy you
I would like to rectify you
Pay no attention to what you've heard
This mediocrity is so absurd.

But I won't listen to erratic advice
Don't make me ask you nice
I just want to satisfy you
I would like to contemplate you

Perhaps sometime we'll irritate you
I won't listen to sparratic advice
Don't make me ask you twice
I just want to satisfy you

Jellikit [Repeat: x 3]
I just want to satisfy you
Jellikit [Repeat: x 3]
I just want to satisfy you
Jellikit [Repeat: x 6]

TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE BEING SHOT IN THE DARK.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE TRAINED NOT TO BARK.
AT THE SIGHT OF BLOOD THAT MUST BE SPILLED SO THAT WE MAY MAINTAIN OUR OIL FIELDS.
TOO MANY PUPPIES.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE TAUGHT TO KILL.
ON THE COMMAND OF MEN WEARING MONEY BELTS THAT BUY MISTRESSES SLEEK ANIMAL PELTS.
TOO MANY PUPPIES.

TOO MANY PUPPIES WITH GUNS IN THEIR HANDS.
TOO MANY PUPPIES IN FOREIGN LANDS.
ARE DRESSED UP SHARP IN SUIT OF GREEN AND PLACED UPON THE WAR MACHINE.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE JUST LIKE ME.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE AFRAID TO SEE.
THE VISIONS OF THE PAST BROUGHT TO LIFE AGAIN.
TOO MANY PUPPIES.
TOO MANY DEAD MEN.

You can have a lolly pop
A candy bar, a jelly bean
I'll buy you a rainbow to hang above your door

It's pudding time

Laughter is a sweet you can't put a price on
When laughter's all gone, Daddy won't buy you more

It's pudding time, children...

Money, money, money to buy you things
Daddy's gonna buy you a diamond ring

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall!
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall!
All kings horses and all the kings men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!

San Franciso the striped bass are dying
But you're gonna get that brand new bike

Oh joy

It's pudding time
It's pudding time, children!!!

Pudding time, children....

Through the door it slithers in,
Accompanied by it's peers.
Always groveling for attention,
While no one really hears.
In it's mind it's full of wit
And quite the social king.
It plants itself among the rest,
To give it's deadly sting.

It's just a matter of opinion.


Further now there's a man of taste.
Of talent and precision.
To work and strive at his artform.
Has been his life's decision.
The stage is set. the perfect show
Is put before the mass.
Only to be ridiculed
By some slimy, pompous ass.

It's just a matter of opinion.

Said Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter
may have nestled its way into his mighty throat.
Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank down
the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine.
Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator.
Tommy the cat had many a story to tell,
But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did.
She came slidin' down the alleyway like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit.
The aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in even the
oldest of Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days.
The sight was beyond belief.
Many a head snapped for double - even triple - takes as this vivacious
feline made her her way into the delta of the alleyway where the most
virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out.
They hung in droves. Such a multitude of masculinity could only be
found in one place...
And that was O'malley's Alley.
The air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended),
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch as she sauntered up into
the heart of the alleyway.
She knew what she wanted.
She was lookin' for that stud bull, the he cat.
And that was me.
Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee...
Say baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby do you wanna lay down by my side
Ah baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby?...Say baby

Hello all you boys and girls
I'd like to take you to the inside world
It's quite an irregular place to be
But never fear you're safe with me

Well, maybe

Golden hair of macrame
Against the face that's cut from stone
The white porcelain is screaming ayee

Thank god the boy is not alone

I don't believe in Santa Claus
I don't believe in spite
I have no use for beauty dolls
Especially on this night

I don't believe in miracles
I don't believe in lies
I don't believe in hologram
For I am the Frizzle Fry

Andy's painting green again
This time they might take him away!

When Barrington starts to breathe again
It may just take us all away!

I don't believe in charity
I don't believe in sin
And if you don't believe in me
We'll play this tune over again

I don't believe in pinochle
And I don't believe I'll try
I do believe in Captain Crunch
For I am the Frizzle Fry

Yes I am the Frizzle Fry

When I woke up this mornin' I felt a pang.
I was hungerin' for some apple pie.
Stumble in the bathroom, hung my hog a little bit.
Washed the sleep out of my eye.
Oh yeah, it's gonna be a fine day.
Scratched myself a bit.
Poured me out a bowl-a corn chex.
Closest thing I could find to apple pie.
Lingerin' taste of toothpaste
Made the milk go down a bit funny.
But you know, them chex they do satisfy.
Oh yeah, this'll be a fine day.
So, after my mornin' rise-n-shine and eat-n-clean.
Had my mind set to hit them streets.
Drizzle from the night left cold puddles out.
Had my black stomp-boots on my feet.
It's my day.

Since I was in kneepants my pop had tried to make me realize.
If I set my mind down to it I could be a big man in the public eye.
So with my big blue collar on,
I set out to find the easy way. What an
Ice cold bath it was when I found you had to pay to play.
To taste the taste it's a tease that never would subside.
The taste is strong but soured by my learned eyes.
Well, if a woodchuck could chuck wood,
He'd get down on his knees to pray.
This little snappy boy might see
The light this ground hog's day.

IT WAS A WEEKEND'S EVE.
I HAD A SEX ON MY BREATH
I WAS LOOKIN' FOR SOMETHIN'TO SEE.
WITH A BORROWED BLACK LEATHER AND MY BEST
FISHIN' HAT.
WELL IT WAS JUST WENDY O.AND ME.
WE CALLED OLD SWAMP
UP ON THE TELEPHONE
AND SAID WE WAS COMMIN' ON
DOWN TO PICK HIM UP AND THEN,
HE SAID, "HEY SNAPPY, ME AND GREENY'LL COME ALONG.
BUT ONLY IF WE CAN BRING A FRIEND."
"HIS NAME IS HAROLD."
I SAID, "OKAY."
NOW, WE HAD A SWAMPER, GREENY, WENDY O.
STANLEY, HAROLD OF THE ROCKS AND ME.
WE HOPPED INTO MY DART AND HEADED FOR THE NIGHTBREAK TO SEE A MAN THEY CALL SCHOOLY D.
HAROLD HE'S FRIENDLY GUY.
HE RAMBLES ON AND ON.
HE'LL TALK THE BALLS OFF A RHINOSAURUS.
FACT IS HE JUST DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE.
WELL STAN SAID
" THIS GUY'S PRETTY BIZARRE GUS."
I SAW HAROLD AT A PARTY TROUZY THREW LATE ONE NIGHT.
I SAID,"HEY MAN, DO YOU REMEMBER ME?"
HE SAID "O" COURSE
I DO SNAPDAD AND LET ME TELL YA RIGHT
'BOUT NOW I'M LIT UP LKE AN OL' CHRISTMAS TREE"
"HEY BRO YOU KNOW I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN FOR LET'N ME
HANG WITH YA'ALL ACROSS THE BAY WHEN I LOOK BACK AT THAT NIGHT I GET ME A WARM SPOT ACROSS MY HEART. THEN HE SHOOK MY HAND, AND WALKED AWAY. THAT'S THE LAST I SEEN OF HAROLD.
HAROLD OF THE ROCKS SO IN THE END.
SWAMPER AND GREENY FINALLY SUCCUMB TO THE
WAYS OF HAROLD. AND IN DOING SO EACH GAVE JUST A LITTLE BIT OF HIS SOUL AWAY. WAHT A COUPLE OF DUMBSHITS.

Skinny was born in a bathtub
And he grew so incredibly thin
Even the end of an eye dropper
Sucked him in

Skinny never knew any questions
Skinny never looked at lights
Skinny sold something
Every single night

Skinny sold a soldier toy to me
Skinny sold a wife
Skinny sold a suction cup
And a knife

Skinny found a hello dolly
Record in the hall
He sold it to a truck driver
In the fall

(Hello Dolly)

Here I come, Constantinople
Here I come, Constantinople
I am coming, Constantinople
Here I come

Here I come, Constantinople
Here I come, Constantinople
I am coming, Constantinople
Here I come

All the leaves are off of the oak and
All the sheep have followed the spoken
Word I'm coming, Constantinople
Here I come

As I stand out in the open
All my friends are with you I hope and
Pray I'm coming, constantinople
Here I come

Here I come, Constantinople
Here I come, Constantinople
I am coming Constantinople
Here I come

Here I come, Constantinople
Here I come, Constantinople
I am coming Constantinople
Here I come

Well, here I come, Constantinople
I'm coming, Constantinople
I'm coming with my head held high

Here I come, Constantinople
I'm coming
I can't wait to see you
I'm coming with my head held high
I'm not coming on my knees
I'm coming, Constantinople

Here I come, Constantinople
Here I come, Constantinople
I am coming Constantinople
Here I come

-------------
Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By FLYNN, HOMER / FOX, HARDY WINFRED
<i>Lyrics &copy; Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.</i>

TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE BEING SHOT IN THE DARK.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE TRAINED NOT TO BARK.
AT THE SIGHT OF BLOOD THAT MUST BE SPILLED SO THAT WE MAY MAINTAIN OUR OIL FIELDS.
TOO MANY PUPPIES.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE TAUGHT TO KILL.
ON THE COMMAND OF MEN WEARING MONEY BELTS THAT BUY MISTRESSES SLEEK ANIMAL PELTS.
TOO MANY PUPPIES.

TOO MANY PUPPIES WITH GUNS IN THEIR HANDS.
TOO MANY PUPPIES IN FOREIGN LANDS.
ARE DRESSED UP SHARP IN SUIT OF GREEN AND PLACED UPON THE WAR MACHINE.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE JUST LIKE ME.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE AFRAID TO SEE.
THE VISIONS OF THE PAST BROUGHT TO LIFE AGAIN.
TOO MANY PUPPIES.
TOO MANY DEAD MEN.

They call me Mr. Knowitall
I will not compromise.
I will not be told what to do.
I shall not step aside.

They call me Mr. Knowitall
I have no time to waste.
My mouth it spews pure intellect.
And I've such elegant taste.

They call me Mr. Knowitall.
I sup the aged wine.
Oh I could tell such wonderous tales
If I should find the time.

I must be Mr. Knowitall
For ideas they come in bounds.
I am Mr. Knowitall
So spread the word around.
They call me Mr. Knowitall

I am so eloquent.
Perfection is my middle name
And whatever rhymes with eloquent.

You can have a lolly pop
A candy bar, a jelly bean
I'll buy you a rainbow to hang above your door

It's pudding time

Laughter is a sweet you can't put a price on
When laughter's all gone, Daddy won't buy you more

It's pudding time, children...

Money, money, money to buy you things
Daddy's gonna buy you a diamond ring

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall!
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall!
All kings horses and all the kings men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!

San Franciso the striped bass are dying
But you're gonna get that brand new bike

Oh joy

It's pudding time
It's pudding time, children!!!

Pudding time, children....

We are gathered here today
In these majestic halls of old
To honor a man they call
Sathington Willoughby
There's a joke or two
A pun or three
I feel that must be told
Then I go on to speak of
Sathington Willoughby
Sathington Willoughby
The legislator that penned us up a bill
That banned the use of certain things
Like this and that

Why do we do this C.G. and I?
Every night vegetables...
Minds numbed up by T.H.C.
I've got my pen, C.G. the remote.

Laurel and Hardy's the best bet at 4 A.M. on a Friday.
No dreads about the working day after though.
Funny thing about weekends when you're unemployed.
They don't mean quite so much, except you get to hang out with your working friends.
Well, we got us a spaghetti western on 36.

I like spaghetti westerns.

I like the way the boots are all reverbed out walking across the hard wood floors.
In fact everything's got that big reverb sound!

Well, what'll I do now?
Go to sleep!
Pull the pud!
We need new pornos!

Well, I guess I'm still writing...

An overaged boy of thirty-nine has left the wing today.
The first time in his life he's made that step.
Be numbed by the society and plagued by insecurity.
He's entered in a race that must be won.
One of the animals has left its cage today
IN search of better things so it seems to be.
But in this land of polyurethane,
Things are apt to get a bit hot.
As the toys go winding down.
C.G. the Mexican is a friend of mine.
We used to sit around the house watching evil dead.
Talking about the way it used to be...
We used to pull the strippers out of Sand Pablo bay.
Now the delta waters go down So. Cal.
And the strippers start to fade away.
It's pudding time!
It's pudding time!
As the toys go winding down.

What if Christmas didn't come this year
And no one paid for Christmas cheer?
Who would cry the biggest tear,
The child or the store?
Why do brides wear virgin white?
Most do not deserve that right.
But to choose a color of their delight
Would surely bring on the frowns.
To defy the laws of tradition
Is a crusade only of the brave.
Suppose the taxman, he comes to town,
And you don't lay your money down.
Yet Mr. Jones he killed Mr. Brown the other day.
Well I wonder, who's gonna go to hell.

Too many puppies are being shot in the dark.
Too many puppies are trained not to bark.
At the sight of blood that must be spilled so that we may maintain
Our oil fields.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies are taught to heal.
Too many puppies are trained to kill.
On the command of men wearing money belts that buy mistresses
Sleek animal pelts.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Skinny was born in a bathtub
And he grew so incredibly thin
Even the tide from the eyedropper sucked him in
Skinny never knew any questions
Skinny never looked alike
Skinny sold somethin' every single night
Skinny sold a soldier to me
Skinny sold the wife
Skinny sold a suction cup and a knife
Skinny found a hello dolly record in the house.
Sold it to a truck driver in the night.
Too many puppies with guns in their hands.
Too many puppies in foreign lands.
Are dressed up sharp in suits of green and placed upon the war machine.
Too many puppies are just like me.
Too many puppies are afraid to see.
The visions of the past brought to life again,
Too many puppies, too many dead men.

Said Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter
may have nestled its way into his mighty throat.
Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank down
the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine.
Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator.
Tommy the cat had many a story to tell,
But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did.
She came slidin' down the alleyway like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit.
The aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in even the
oldest of Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days.
The sight was beyond belief.
Many a head snapped for double - even triple - takes as this vivacious
feline made her her way into the delta of the alleyway where the most
virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out.
They hung in droves. Such a multitude of masculinity could only be
found in one place...
And that was O'malley's Alley.
The air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended),
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch as she sauntered up into
the heart of the alleyway.
She knew what she wanted.
She was lookin' for that stud bull, the he cat.
And that was me.
Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee...
Say baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby do you wanna lay down by my side
Ah baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby?...Say baby

In a town in southernmost Sicily
Lived a family too proud to be poor
In the year that fever took father away
They hastened for American shores
Now a mother and her son are standing in line
It's a cold day on Ellis Isle
And they look to the Statue of Liberty
For the boy we have American Life

Ong is a Laotian refugee
He works in the audio trade
The smoke from flux is filling his lungs
He's earning minimum wage
Spending spare time down on
San Pablo ave
Once a week gets a woman for the night
And he writes home tales of prosperity
For the boy we have American Life

Bob is an unemployed veteran
Born and bred in the South Bronx
He's living off the streets down in east L.A.
Residing in a cardboard box
Now he plays a little quit and he has a small dog
Searching for aluminum cans
And he hold on tight to his dignity
He was born into American Life

I just can't seem to blend
Into society
I have no hope for this dim
Simplicity of law and order
By whose rules I see no rhyme in
the reason
I hold no hope for this holy treason
Of love and so soft
By whose standards
They tell me, they tell me
Who are they, who is they

Felt a pang late one afternoon
I was fishin' off Muir beach
With Larry LeLonde
Grabbed a tuna salad sandwich
And I started to chew
Pretty soon Ler's yellin
Fish on. Fish on

I was just a little pup
And it was derby day
Was dad and me and Darrell
Out in San Pablo bay
Taco flavored Doritos
And my orange life vest
Dad caught a hundred pound sturgeon
On twenty-pound test
Now he fought that fish for an hour
And a half
Darrell'd say Jump ya sons a bitch!
And he grabbed for the gaff
When we got him in the boat
He measured six feet long
I was so danged impressed I had
To write a song called
Fish on

T'was a bright and sunny day
It was me and Todd Huth
Fishin' shark Stingray
Out of Bohuas Lagoon
Well hey, hey, hey I'll be screwed,
Blued and tatooed
Looks like I got me one of them fish on
Fish on.

Felt a pang late one afternoon
I was fishin' off Muir beach
With Larry LeLonde
Grabbed a tuna salad sandwich
And I started to chew
Pretty soon Ler's yellin
Fish on. Fish on

I was just a little pup
And it was derby day
Was dad and me and Darrell
Out in San Pablo bay
Taco flavored Doritos
And my orange life vest
Dad caught a hundred pound sturgeon
On twenty-pound test
Now he fought that fish for an hour
And a half
Darrell'd say Jump ya sons a bitch!
And he grabbed for the gaff
When we got him in the boat
He measured six feet long
I was so danged impressed I had
To write a song called
Fish on

T'was a bright and sunny day
It was me and Todd Huth
Fishin' shark Stingray
Out of Bohuas Lagoon
Well hey, hey, hey I'll be screwed,
Blued and tatooed
Looks like I got me one of them fish on
Fish on.

As I stand here in the shower
Singing Opera and such
Pondering the possibility that I pull the pud too much
There's a scent that fills the air
Is it flatus?
Just a touch
And it makes me think of you

Here they come
Here come the bastards
I heard it from a confident -
Who heard it form a confidant
They're definately on their way
There's one with this idea
Something about a hammer head shark
Nosehairs and flatus
Best keep your distance because
Here they come here come the bastards
Bury your head deep in the sand
Anonyminity is a virtue in this day and age
Amazing hand dexterity
Flagrant misuse of security
Better run, run, run, run, run
Run Run Run Run, here they come.

Is It Luck?
My socks and shoes always match
Is it Luck?
There's a foot at the end of each of my legs
Is it Luck?
I can play my bass for you
Is it Luck?
Some gals like to kiss my face
Is it Luck? Is it Luck?
There was food inside your mouth today
Is it Luck?
Your barber cuts your hair just so
Is it Luck?
When the taste of sex is on your lips
Is it Luck ? Is it Luck ?
Cyanide works oh so fast
Is it Luck?
Polyester makes you sweat
Is it Luck?
If a graham cracker gets you off
Is it Luck
Love. Love ?
Is it Luck ? Is it Luck
Said she wanted my body, not my mind.
So, I showed her my dictionary to show her
the words that I know, not quite desiring to,
and how loquacious I can be when I set my
mind down to it. But she wasn't impressed.
Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!
She wasn't impressed at all.....She whispered in my ear!!!
She whispered in my ear, and she said: "Do you wanna
get LUCKY, little boy?" Well, I smiled. Smiled and I said.....
Is it Luck ? Is it Luck
Is it Luck ? Is it Luck
Is it Luck ? Is it Luck
Is it Luck ? Is it Luck
Etc..

Jerry was a race car driver
And he drove so goddamned fast
He never did win no checkered flag
But he never did come in last
Jerry was a race car driver
He'd say "El solo number one"
With a bocephus sticker
On his 442 he'd light 'em up
Just for fun
Captain Pierce was a fireman
Richmond engine

"You bastards!"

Here they come... (repeat)

"Shut up, you bastards!"
"You just called me a bastard, didn't you?"

When the going gets tough
And the stomach acids flow.
The cold wind of conformity
Is nippin' at your nose
When some trendy new atrocity
Has brought you to your knees
Come with us we'll sail the
Seas of Cheese

I'm gonna teach you how to play the game
of warfare
Suddenly it appears to me
You got a bit much dignity
For your own good, boy
Yes sir, yes sir.

I will rape your personality
Pummel you with my own philosophy
Strip you of your self-integrity
To make you all a bit like me
I said right, left

Sgt. Baker here again
And if you calls me "puddin Tame"
I'll stomp you down, boy
Steers and Queers
Steers and Queers where you come
>From there's just steers and queers
And you ain't got no horns, boy
Yes sir, yes sir

I will rape your personality
Pummel you with my own philosophy
Strip you of your self-integrity
To make you all a bit like me
I said right, left

I've seen them out at Soco
They're pounding sixteen penny nails
The truckers on the interstate
Have been known to ride the rails
The sweat is beating on the brow
Can't keep these fellas down
'Cause those damned blue-collared tweekers
Are runnin' this here town

I knew a man who hung drywall
He hung it mighty quick
A trip or two to the blue room
Would help him do the trick
His foreman would pat him on the back
Whenever he would come around
'Cause these dammed blue-collar tweekers
Are beloved in this here town

Now the union boys are there
To protect us from all the corporate type
While curious George's drug patrol
Is out here hunting snipe
Now they try to tell me different
But you know I ain't no clown
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
Are the backbone of this town

Now the flame that burns twice as bright
Burns only half as long
My eyes are growing weary
As I finalize this song
So sit back and have a cup o' joe
And watch the wheels go round
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
Have always run this town

Said Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter
may have nestled its way into his mighty throat.
Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank down
the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine.
Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator.
Tommy the cat had many a story to tell,
But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did.
She came slidin' down the alleyway like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit.
The aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in even the
oldest of Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days.
The sight was beyond belief.
Many a head snapped for double - even triple - takes as this vivacious
feline made her her way into the delta of the alleyway where the most
virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out.
They hung in droves. Such a multitude of masculinity could only be
found in one place...
And that was O'malley's Alley.
The air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended),
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch as she sauntered up into
the heart of the alleyway.
She knew what she wanted.
She was lookin' for that stud bull, the he cat.
And that was me.
Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee...
Say baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby do you wanna lay down by my side
Ah baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby?...Say baby

Come on here, dear boy, have a cigar
You're gonna go far, fly high
You're never gonna die, you're gonna make it if you try;
they're gonna love you
Well I've always had a deep respect
and I mean that most sincerely
The band is just fantastic, that is really what I think
Oh by the way, which one's Pink?
And did we tell you the name of the game, boy,
we call it riding the Gravy Train
We're just knocked out,
We heard about the sell out
You gotta get an album out
You owe it to the people.
We're so happy we can hardly count
Everybody else is just green, have you seen the chart
It's a hell of a start, it could be made into a monster
if we all pull together as a team
And did we tell you the name of the game, boy
we call it Riding the Gravy Train

I know something about
opening windows and doors
I know how to move quietly
to creep across creaky wooden floors
I know where to find
precious things in all
your cupboards and drawers
Slipping the clippers
Slipping the clippers
through the telephone wires
The sense of isolation inspires
Inspires me
I like to feel the suspense
when I'm certain you know I am there
I like you lying awake,
your baited breath charging the air
I like the touch and the smell
of all the pretty dresses you wear
Intruders happy in the dark
Intruder come
Intruder come and leave his mark,
leave his mark

We're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs this helping hand
And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work
We're only making plans for Nigel
He has his future in a British steel
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel's whole future is as good as sealed
And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work
Nigel is not outspoken
But he likes to speak
And loves to be spoken to
Nigel is happy in his work
We're only making plans for Nigel

Your life is leaning downhill
Sloping off the outer edge
Your undetermined oyster beds
Were found to be a hedge
You cause the kids of Elmer Fudd
To feed the farmer whose
Cadaver's filled with onion rings
And feet are filled with glue
Now sinister exaggerator
What's your claim to fame?
Is still your favorite Ferlingetti
Found in Auntie Maim?
Your alter life is superceded
Only from above
Your hear is like a silken sponge
That calls saliva love

I ain't one for poetry, ain't one for prose. Ain't one for the scent of a spring-time rose.
But the is one face that I do know, I sure get a kick out of that Beavis and Butt-head show.

Other day I turn my TV on, and guess what I do see?
Two crazy-ass cartoon sunsabitches staring on back at me.
Said "What the hell's this", and Ler said ";Boy, don't you know?"
The whole world's gone crazy over that there Beavis and Butt-head show.

Talk about couch fishing, now I could go for that.
I could go for frog baseball, but I be inclined to use a cat!
On comedy, I'm a stooges man. I like Larry, Curly and Moe.
But now and then a get a chuckle watchin' the Beavis and Butt-head show.

Stone-Temple Pearlvana Chain, now there's a helluva band.
They got that original sound that's sweepin' 'cross the land.
Ain't no ZZ Top though, now that's the band for me.
If I had my way MTV'd play just them and AC/DC.

I ain't nothing special, I'm your average kinda man.
I like a frosted barley pop and I drink 'em outta the can!
I don't give a rat's ass about poetry and not a damn 'bout prose.
I sure get a kick outta them Beavis and Butt-head shows.

Butthead: "Hey Beavis..."
Beavis: "What?"
Butthead: "I was just like...thinking and stuff...it was pretty cool."
Beavis: "Yeah, I'm gonna try that."
Butthead: "TV is cool..."
Beavis: "Yeah, yeah, TV rules....it rules! Yeah..."
Butthead: "Hey Beavis...I heard that pretty soon, they're gonna have, like, 500 channels. That's gonna be cool."
Beavis: "Really? That would be cool."
Butthead: "You know what would be really cool, though? If like, one of the channels didn't suck."
Beavis: "Yeah, but, like, if one of them didn't suck, why would you need the other...um...three hundred and twenty-seven?"
Butthead: "Because, you know all those TV shows that suck? It's like, you gotta put them somewhere! You can't put 'em on the cool channel!"
Beavis: "Yeah, yeah! They should call it the cool channel!"

I had a friend that took a belt, took a belt and hung himself
Hung himself in the doorway of the apartment where he lived
His woman and his little bro came home from the grocery store
Only to find him dangling in the apartment where he lived

I had a friend who shaved his head
Put his Doctor Martins on
And drew such wondrous pictures in the apartment where he lived
He praised my creativity, though he spoke sarcastically
Oh, the conversations in the apartment where he lived

I had a friend that took a belt, took a belt and hung himself
Hung himself in the doorway of the apartment where he lived
Rock, she thought him spiteful; Ler, he thought him pitiful
Me, I've never been back to the apartment where he lived

I've been to hell. I spell it, I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
Stood there and I've waited and choked back the urge to scream
And if I had my druthers I'd screw a chimpanzee-call it pointless

When I need relief I spell it THC
perhaps you may know vaguely what I mean
I sit back and smoke away huge chunks of memory
As I slowly inflict upon myself a full lobotomy-call it pointless

Barbecues, tea kettles, gobs of axle grease
There comes a time for every man to sail the seas of cheese
Now, life's a bowl of bagel dogs, but there are unpleasantries
Cold toilet seats, dentist chairs and trips to DMV-call it pointless

I've been to hell. I spell it, I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
I've stood in line and waited near an hour and fifteen
And if I had my druthers I'd screw that chimpanzee-call it pointless

It's the guy from the Hamburger Train, mate!

Hello Mr. Krinkle
How are you today?
Seems the rumors are about your team might move away
Now, me I'm sentimental
But I'm not one to cry

Say there Mr. Krinkle let's cruise the Bastard boat
Damn then sonsabitches with their gill-nets set afloat
I flip on my tele and I watch the waters die
C'mon Mr. Krinkle tell me why

Hey ho Mr. Krinkle have you heard the brand new sound
It's a cross between Jimi Hendrix
Bocephus, Cher and James Brown
It's called "Heavy Hometown"
New Wave, cold-filtered, low-calorie dry
C'mon Mr. Krinkle tell me why

My name is Mud
Not to be confused with Bill or Jack or Pete or Dennis
My name is mud and it's always been
'Cause I'm the most boring sons-a-bitch you've ever seen
I dress in blue-yes navy blue
)From head to toe I'm rather drab except my patent shoes
I make 'em shine, well most the time
'Cept today my feet are troddin' on by this friend of mine
Six foort two and rude as hell
I got to get him in the ground before he starts to smell
My name is Mud

My name is Mud, but call me Alowishus Devadander Abercrombie
That's long for Mud so I've been told
Told that by this sonsabitch that lies before me bloated blue and cold
I've got my pride, I drink my wine
I'd drink the finest except I haven't earned a dime in several months
Or were it years
The breath on that fat bastard could bring any man to tears
We had our words, a common spat
So I kissed him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat
My name is Mud

I pull the blinds then I take my clothes off
Dance around the house like nature boy
My genitalia and pectoral muscles aren't quite what I would like them to be
But you don't see me
No one can see me

I pull my blinds
Fill out my income tax form
Pen in hand I write so legibly
I have my kitty.
His name is Allowishus, I stroke him
But you don't see me
No one should see me

I pull the blinds
For the sun glares off my tele and I find it quite so irritating
I have my videos-loads of Ren and Stimpy
Bottom-a bit of pornography
But you don't see me
No one should see me

Now listen up you know ya come home from working that nine to five and
Lay yourself down on burgundy couch, you know, it never really was
Burgundy. It was red, and you painted with the goddamn sprinkler and
Now you have bits and pieces of burgundy stuck to your but every time
You get off of it. You never tell your family, you never tell your
Family because, you know, ol' Junior, he's got no brains, and what can
You do? What can you do? (And old Junior, you know, got a little crazy
With that P.B.J. that one day ??)

[Chorus]
Grab yourself a can of pork soda
You'll be feeling just fine
Ain't nothin' quite like sittin' 'round the house
Swillin' down them Cans of swine

Ha ha ha! Yes, Dad's an idiot alright!

Well, alright, I'm really starting to worry about you. You had to have
That two-car garage with the large driveway so you could park that
Goddamn boat in it. If it wasn't for the boat (blah blah blah)

[Chorus]

I like Kansas wine

Well, maybe it's something simpler, like your team lost or your
Girlfriend used to be a guy, you know, I don't know. I mean (blah blah blah)

It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here
The air is getting slipper and it's not to my surprise
My heart, it beats irregularly and the sweat it fills my eyes
I do not mind what I excrete 'cause
I'm here to make a buck
And those that cannot take the heat can take a flying...
Forgive me if I hesitate
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here

The dogs are barking merrily as Jerry sits on high
If you've studied your Floyd property, you'd know that pigs could fly
Now if you want an encore you might hear it is luck
But me, I'd rather play Residents, 'cause I don't give a...
Forgive me if I hesitate
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here

Now, Fatty, he's a hell of a guy but he sweats like a dancing mule
He likes to hang out at Checker Gas with the Chets he knew from high school
He sold enough crystal meth to buy a stepside truck
But if you ask me twice I'd say the boy ain't worth a...
Forgive me if I hesitate
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here

The act of perspiration is far beyond control
If the heat compels to aspirate please try not to miss the bowl
If sweatiness makes you horny, well darlin' I think you're in luck
'Cause all this clever banter gives me the urge to FUCK

The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day
Rooting and sniffing and urging to spawn
In the mud flats of San Pablo Bay

A scent came around so he followed his snout
He found what was to his surprise
A golden morsel, a tidbit, a tight bunch of grass shrimp
Was there right before this buck's eyes

He circle round twice and he took a big whiff
Then sucked up this savory meal
Then came a jolt and to the diamondback's surprise
Through his lips cut the cold, barbed steel

In a panic the old diamondback sped to the north
He sped to the east, west and south
But the harder he swam, he still could not break free
From the "tugging" that pulled at his mouth

The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day

By the light of the lamp I sit to type-my notes on tab at my side
I don't see the sun much these days
A fluorescent tan covers my hide
How much impact shall I have this time?
My goal today is to reac the deadline
I write between the lines
I deal with fantasy
I report the facts
Give them to me, please

Ham and egg sald on white bread keeps me company on nights like this
A pack of metholated cigarettes keeps my air nice and thick
When I write, words flow like coins from a candy box
Get out of my way
I've got something to say

The pulse is beating louder now
The cramps in my hands grow more intense with each
Tik, tik, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap on the keys
My social life is at an end so it seems to be
Why don't I trample on your lawn today?
I'll take skies of blue, turn over skies of grey
I write between the lines
I deal with fantasy
I am the pressman
Acknowledge me

Mother always told me never stray too far from home
The little lady said, "Boy, you'll never have to be alone,
Because,"
You build with fountain pen
You create the memory stain
You are the pressman
Stand up straight, boy

Oh, welcome to this world of fools
Of pink champagne and swimming pools
Well, all you have to lose is your virginity
Perhaps we'll have some fun tonight so stick around and take a bite of life
We don't need feebleness in this proximity

Ask good MacDuff and Donalbain, so many good ideas are slain
By those who would dare not step out of line
But if I have my way tonight and chances are I think I might-
I'll turn those sour minds to grapes of wine

[Chorus]
Welcome to this world

Don't judge the boy by what you hear
The words are heard beyond the ear
The heart and mind are focus for this conversation
But be abound in mystery for that so much you do to me
For there are those who drown in adulation

[Chorus]

If I had a dime for each time that I heard them preach
Well I'd have wicked thoughts upon my brain

Oh I can still remember
Jenny Hernando
She was my little lovely one
When I was seventeen.
I remember the day that she
Gave me her viriginity
And then she gave it to everyone
In our vicinity.

Oh I can still remember
Julie Tolentino
The dancing Filipino
We used to run around.
Her and Flouncin' Freddy
Were going hot and steady.
Now she runs a dyke bar,
The biggest one in town.

I can still remember my
Old friend Todd Squelati
I watching him snort a
Milkshake right up his nose.
He slurped it up the left side.
Blew it out the right side.
How he ever kept it down,
I will never know.

Of course I still remember
Ol Flouncin' Freddy
We were pumping gas
Down at El Sobrante Shell
His Mustang was his pride n' joy
He liked to dance the cowboy,
Hanging out at Jack In the Box
But eat at Taco Bell.

Del Davis sold a Christmas tree
Stood up to 8 feet tall
Season was lookin' mighty thin
He'd hoped to sell 'em all
Here he comes with a dollar in his hand
Represents the epitomized man

The boy liked rock 'n' roll
Seemed that's the way he paid his way
With the help of Del and them "Doogs"
There's a bit more joy this holiday

Here he comes...

He stood in line with the rest
And waited got his chance
To take his place behind the glass
And watch the ladies dance

It's the nature of things

He stepped into the darkened space
The air was thick and warm
He drops the coins in one by one
The scene unfolds before him

He stands looking eye to thigh
As she looks down from above
Only to be recognized
As his former love

It's the nature of things

Mrs Blaileen - she was a sixth grade teacher
And she controlled the children
By using humiliation
The target always seemed to be Donny
He was a bit slower than the others
When he was quite young
His mother died at the kitchen table
While choking on some food
The fashion of the day
Was bleach and tied Levi's
Donny decided to make some,
But he didn't know to rinse them
So he came to school a reekin'
Bleach stenched filled the classroom
Mrs. Blaileen began to chastise
She made him feel like an asshole
Two feet small

Oh what a lonely boy

Don and Ronald
They always stuck together
For they were a bit different than the others
And they were as tight as brothers
Then Ronald moved away
Now Steven
He was year or two younger
And he really thought he was something
He liked to harass other children
Or anyone he found outnumbered.

Alone Don walks from fishing
Steven and his friend they stop him
They took his hat and they taunt him,
Pimp-slap him with a newspaper
Don lunged forward with his fish knife
Then ran all the way home weeping
He gave his knife to his father and
Said "I think I hurt Steve"

Oh what a lonely boy

Used to come around here
To peddle his wares
A lot more takers now
The turkey "J"
You can taste the air
Around your face
His name was Barrest Jeffries
They picked him up twice
For cooking up amphetamine
Now he's on the tweek again
Drinking county prune
He doesn't mind so much
So we'd sit around the fire
Singing "Kumbaya"
"Kumbaya", I said

They headed southward from San Francisco,
To be with Chuckles and the others.
With electric in the air and peroxide in their hair,
They looked like golden brothers.
They drove a Datsun, an automatic,
The radio blaring static,
He made a face into the light
and burst out laughing at the sight.
The hysteria ensuing would dominate the night.
From all the candy, the seats were sticky,
As they were drawn into the grapevine.
Then "Introduce Yourself" came on
as they barreled through the fog.
The demon puffing madly on a mentholated log.
They were tired, they were sleepy,
So they parked behind the Roxy.
Adam left to use the phone, so he sat there all alone,
When Adam's voice come beaming through on the radio,
He started laughing...

Quite a surprise
What an ingenious device
Boredom encompasses my time
I don't know what I should do

Indulging a moment of your time
Seldom the breeder of lies
But you won't believe that it's true
They take to the sky

Southbound Pachyderm

Pinholes through cardboard
At the Sun
Passing the bucks by one by one
Leaving nothing in return

Watching the majest blow past
Speculating which will be the last
Savoring my piece of pie

And there is no reprise
They're filling the sky
Southbound Pachyderm

In the year of our Lord
Call it 1994
A fine vintage of mimicry

There are those that take their sound
From someone else's Toil
Liking to parrots you see

I've seen the likes of Kate Bush
And Van Morrison
Teaching the parrots to sing

Take a Zepplin riff
And you alter it a bit
And make lots of money
It's called plagiarism

You want some of that cheese
Just take a big ol' bite
Careful not to choke on it please

Now here we go
It's called plagiarism

The man he stepped up to the microphone and he gave it a kiss, it was a big wet, slippery kiss
And he had sweat dripping off of his nose onto the windscreen
As he looked out over the audience he said, "God bless you, God bless you one and all"
The he took a can of Ronson lighter fluid and he squirted it over the top of his head
And proceeded to light himself on fire
As he stood there glowing and said, "Remember this day"

Glad you came, glad you're here.
Have some champagne, imported beer.
Dig down in your dirt bag
and roll us out a spleef.
Been erect here now for thirteen days
and I came to get relief
at Bob's Party Time.
Pack my nose with cocaine
feed my filthy hole.
Bust out the dancin' women
I'm prone to lose control.
And if by chance I fall down
and bust my head on the floor,
just wrap my wound in a porterhouse steak
and point me towards the shore.
At Bob's Party Time.

He's standin' tall at 5 foot 4
With the sharpness of a troubadour
I dare you look him in the eye
His stench would make a buzzard cry
He likes Burt in White Lightning

Camelback Cinema

In the dark she sat and wait
For her steady random date
Reflecting back to a time
When eager boys would stand in line
She likes Burt in White Lightning

He's standin' tall at 5 foot 4
Lurking in the corridor
He came to buy his weekly whore
At Camelback Cinema

I went down to Coddingtown
To buy for Lucky Dog
Moved on up to Sono-co
To clear my head of smog
People 'round town they all line up
To buy them Chevrolets
But me I talked to the Mopar man
Been talkin' now for days

I went down to Coddingtown
It seemed the thing to do
You can get it all down there
From tennis balls to glue
Standin' up in the ol' smoke shop
Met a girl named Honey Pie
If you shamble long enough
You wanna go, you gotta go

Bring me on back

Lordy, Lordy, Coddigntown
That's the place to be
Lordy, Lordy, Coddingtown
That's the place for me

I went down to Coddingtown
And met old Santy Claus
Beanie Boy got a hold of that beard
Nearly yanked it from his jaws
I stepped on up to the pizza man
And gobbled down some filth
I shambled 'round now too damn long
I wanna go, I gotta go

Bring me on back

Lordy, Lordy, Coddingtown
That's the place to be
Lordy, Lordy, Coddingtown
That's the place for me

Burnin', I feel a burnin' in my stomach
I wanna know if I'm a gonna make it
If I don't just spread my ashes
If I do just spread you mind

Swimmin', I see myself a treadin' water
I see no signs of any other people
There's a heron up above me
I lay back and spread my mind

Duchess, she used to be a movie maker
She used to like to watch the boys watch her
And she saved enough money
To go to Cal and spread her mind

Billy used to follow the Dead with Arnie
And they made a hundred thousand dollars
But ended up in federal prison
Twenty years for spreading minds

They found James Ambrose dead in his cell
A gaping gash in his arm had drained him down to Hell
No one knew for sure in Ambrose was his name
They called him Yankee Sullivan in early days of fame

He'd known the game of fisticuffs had always treated him right
But no one knew the men who came and took his life that night

He'd spent some time in Botany Bay atoning for his sins
He fought a bout with Hammer Lane and took a tainted win
He was the hero of the Bowery, a prince of lawless times
Then was battered by the "Butcherman" in 1849

He knew the game of fisticuffs, he knew the game of might
But no one knew the men who came and took his life one night

He knew the game of fisticuffs

Lilly and McCoy were shy of a hundred and forty pounds
In 1842 they went a hundred and eighteen rounds
They begged McCoy to cash it in, he said that he would not
Got up and fought one more round then died right on the spot

He knew the game of fisticuffs, he knew the game of fight
But no one knew the game would come and take his life that night

He was a might golden boy, as gold as ever seen
But when he stepped up to the podium, you could tell that boy was mean

His arms was made of nickel, and his forehead made of wood
An affidavit from the principal says, "This boy just ain't no good"

He stood before the union, and he made a solemn oath
Uphold the purity of his creed, the others he would toast
He worked nights at the liquor mart, and he drank to pad his pay
When caught him liftin' 40's, he shot a boy last May

His Momma asked why?

His lawyer in the courtroom, made a noble plea
And the judge he gave him eighteen months, but he was out in three
When asked if he ever felt remorse while sittin' up in that pen
He said "Hell no, ya know a thief's a thief
And I'd shoot the that fucker again"

When I was born, the doc he held me by my ankles
Smacked my red behind
They hosed me down, wrapped me like a bean burrito
Then marked the date and time

Hats off, to the ones that string the beads together
And keep the ducks in line
Hats off to all the ones that stood before me
And taught a fool to rhyme

At thirteen, I made myself a motion picture
Out of lumps of clay
At fourteen, I pulled some weeds and bought a four string
Taught myself to play
At seventeen, I'd get naked with a beauty queen
At the Hot Tub Zone
At nineteen, she was livin' hard and snortin' drugs
That decayed her bones

Hats off to the ones that put it all together
And keep their ducks in line
Hats off to all the ones that erred before me
And taught me how to survive

A B C D E F G H I gotta gal wears her toenails long
Drives a red Barracude, singin' meat packer songs
And she ain't from Kalamazoo

A B C D E F G H I gotta 'friend lived in a Mercedes-Benz
Then a '55 Chrysler where the trunk never ends
And the plates say Kalamazoo

He had a steady job and watched what he spent
He'd say I don't believe in payin' no goddamn rent
I'll squirrel away every goddamn cent
And buy my own damn house in Kalamazoo

She turned to the world with a bastard child
Said, "I just can't handle him he's too damn wild'
But the years and the liquor have made him mild
And he lays around Kalamazoo

They broke out in laughter again
His lip beaded with sweat as they strapped him in
And he stood by and waited to be called

The talk was of times that'd gone by
And the quantity and quality of women they lie
His eyes welled with wet and his mouth had gone dry

As he stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited like the others before
For his turn to go over the falls

He got up and tried it again
For lack of persistence is surely a sin
As he stood by and waited to be called

He looked to the lightning with glee
And admired his vessel for it's symmetry
Feeling twelve units shy of a bachelor's degree

As he stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited like the others before
For his turn to go over the falls

Pass the pen there Billy Bob, I'll write us up a song.
Or perhaps I'll pen a sonnet, if the melody sits all wrong.
Hand me down a crayon, and I'll draw a mighty oak.
'Cause of all my brother Masons, I'm the quickest with a joke.

Catch me in the right light, you'll see my shapes shaped to please.
And if I shank my trousers down, I'm hung just above the knees.

You may have difficulty catchin' breath, when you hear my weighty name.
I'm the one that told you, told you so, they calls me Puddin' Taine.

Now step on up to dance the dance, and touch the hand that heals.
Like the tallest hog on Wall street, I'm a wheelin' all the deals.

They'll carve my face in marble, they'll etch my name in stone.
They'll paint my noble portrait, and historify my home.

You may have difficulty catchin' breath, when you hear my weighty name.
I'm the one that told you, told you so, they calls me Puddin' Taine.

Came up on a worried man, asked him if he had a light.
He reached on down, dug in his shoe, figured in his sock he might.
He asked if he could come and join, at what we was partakin' in.
I says,"Ol' soul if you got a match, you also got yourself a friend".

The smoke drew hard but laid in good, the neon gave us extra shine.
We passed around a flask of Knockando, and a half litre bottle of wine.
The worried man dropped down to his knees, and let out with a somber groan.
He looked up to me and when I asked, he said,"I'm just restin' my bones".

I looked down at him, and him up at me, then a smile rose above his chin.
He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me down, said," Listen to me now my friend".
When I was your age I did it all, more than many men could do,
now my possessions are the ones I wear on my back, and this lighter I keep in my shoe.

That's why I'm restin' my bones.

I'm restin' my bones for the times I fell, fell and hit myself on the ground.
Restin' my bones for the loneliness, of being the only genius around.
I'm restin' my bones for prosperity, in hopes that it'll do me some good.
I'm restin' bones from amphetamines, see they turned teeth to balsa wood.
I'm restin' bones for Johnny Cash, 'cause for me and mine he's wearin' black.
I'll be restin' my bones for Elvis, I seen him last week at the track.
If I'm restin' bones and you come along, just try and tippy toe on by.
'cause when I'm restin' bones I hope to sleep, and maybe slip away and die.

There's a time for lies
And a time for truth
I say, eye for an eye
Eye for a tooth

When I roamed young
I'd scavenge around
Every nook and cranny
Of our little town

It's nice, so nice, to be

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
SHAKE HANDS WITH BEEF

She's so fine
She's so sweet
Mom and Pop they raised her
On huge slabs of meat

She's fine

A man of nine
Water derby day
Twenty six pumps
On a Crossman
And it's time to play

It's nice, so nice, to be

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
SHAKE HANDS WITH BEEF

There was this kid in our neighborhood
His Pop had named him Renegade
He lived up to his name
With all the trouble that he made

One day ol' Renegade
Snuck into the Park Theater downtown
For a laugh he set fire to the screen
Burnt the whole damn place to the ground

He thought that no one would mind
He did that sort of thing all the time
But his Pop was waitin' for him

At age fifteen Renegade
Stole a tow truck from Arnie's Shell
Drove it through the front of a hardware store
Spent the night in a county jail

He didn't seem to mind a bit
He liked the attention he would get

Fellow colleagues,distinguished members of the press,ladies and gentlemen.
I would like to take this opportunity to personally and humbly thank each and
every one of you for joining us at this particular event.
It is my hope that we can utilize this meeting of the minds,to successfully
convey the essence of our platform to you,and grand and noble audience.

As I look out among the faces,I reflect.
Taking console in the words of Franklin Delano Roosevelt who said,
"We have nothing to fear,but fear itself."

Paranoia is a disease unto itself,and may I add,the person standing next to
you may not be who they appear to be,so take precautions.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste,this is true.
Many a young person has fallen prey to the substances that alter the
perspective of any right thinking individual.
The problem with the youth today is because of their inexperience with the
world.
They cannot attempt to grasp the ideals set fourth by myself and those who
proceded me.
But,has history has shown,they will come around and embrace our philosophies
and become model citizens in their own right,God bless this great nation

Amos Moses was a Cajun.
And lived by himself in the swamp
Hunting alligator for a living.
Knock 'em on the head with a stump
The Louisiana law's gonna get you, Amos
It ain't legal hunting alligator down in the swamp, boy

Now everybody blamed his old man
for raising him mean as a snake
When Amos Moses was a boy,
his Daddy would use him as alligator bait
Tie a rope around his waist,
throw him in the swamp
Alligator bait on the Louisiana bayou

Just about 45 minutes
southeast of Tipidow, Louisiana
There lived a man called Duck Bill Sam
and his pretty wife Hannah
They raised up a son that could
eat up his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth.
They called him Amos Moses

Now folks in South Louisiana
said Amos was a helluva man
He could trap the biggest, meanest alligator.
He only had to use one hand
That's all he got left
'cause the alligator bit him. Ha ha!
Left arm gone clean up to the elbow

Just about 45 minutes
southeast of Tipidow, Louisiana
There lived a man called Duck Bill Sam
and his pretty wife Hannah
They raised up a son that could
eat up his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth.
They called him Amos Moses

Here comes Amos
And you should have seen his pretty wife, Hannah

Well, the Sheriff got wind that
Amos was in the swamp hunting alligator skin
So he hid in the swamp, "I'm gonna get you boy."
He never did come out again.

Well, I wonder where the Louisiana Sheriff went to?
Sure can get lost in the Louisiana bayou (3X)

Glad you came, glad you're here.
Have some champagne, imported beer.
Dig down in your dirt bag
and roll us out a spleef.
Been erect here now for thirteen days
and I came to get relief
at Bob's Party Time.
Pack my nose with cocaine
feed my filthy hole.
Bust out the dancin' women
I'm prone to lose control.
And if by chance I fall down
and bust my head on the floor,
just wrap my wound in a porterhouse steak
and point me towards the shore.
At Bob's Party Time.

Snipping, snipping, snipping goes the scissor man
Putting end to evil doers games
Snipping, snipping, snipping goes the scissor man
Maybe you are in his book of names
Maybe you are in his book of names

So be kind and helpful to your mother
Just think twice before you try and steal
When he cuts with sticky silver snippers
You may find the wounds will never heal

All self made bad boys
If you refuse to believe he exist
You won't be frightened when you find out
You're on his list
You're on his list
You're on his list

So be good and never poison people
Just think twice before the deed is done
When you wake up guilty in the morning
You may find important pieces gone

Suffocated by mirrors, stained by dreams
Her honey belly pulls the seams
Curves are still upon the hinge
Pale zeros tinge the tiger skin

Moist as grass, ripe and heavy as the night
The sponge is full, well out of sight
All around the conversations
Icing on the warm flesh cake

Light creeps through her secret tunnels
Sucked into the open spaces
Burning out in sudden flashes
Draining blood from well-fed faces

Desires form in subtle whispers
Flex the muscles in denial
Up and down its pristine cage
So the music, so the trial

Vows of sacrifice, headless chickens
Dance in circles, they the blessed
Man and wife, undressed by all
Their grafted trunks in heat possessed

Even as the soft skins tingle
They mingle with the homeless mother
Who loves the day but lives another
That once was hers

The worried father, long lost lover
Brushes ashes with his broom
Rehearses jokes to fly and hover
Bursting over the bride and groom

And the talk goes on

Memories crash on tireless waves
The lifeguards whom the winter saves

Silence falls the guillotine
All the doors are shut
Nervous hands grip tight the knife
In the darkness, till the cake is cut
Passed around, in little pieces
The body and the flesh
The family and the fishing-net
And another in the mesh

The body and the flesh

Messenger of Fear in sight
Dark deception kills the light

Hybrid children watch the sea
Pray for Father, roaming free

fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
great Old One
forbidden site
He searches
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell

Crawling Chaos, underground
cult has summoned, twisted sound

Out from ruins once possessed
fallen city, living death

fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
timeless sleep
has been upset
He awakens
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell
Not dead which eternal lie
stranger eons Death may die

drain you of your sanity
face The Thing That Should Not Be

fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
timeless sleep
has been upset
He awakens
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell

Said Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter
may have nestled its way into his mighty throat.
Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank down
the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine.
Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator.
Tommy the cat had many a story to tell,
But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did.
She came slidin' down the alleyway like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit.
The aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in even the
oldest of Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days.
The sight was beyond belief.
Many a head snapped for double - even triple - takes as this vivacious
feline made her her way into the delta of the alleyway where the most
virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out.
They hung in droves. Such a multitude of masculinity could only be
found in one place...
And that was O'malley's Alley.
The air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended),
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch as she sauntered up into
the heart of the alleyway.
She knew what she wanted.
She was lookin' for that stud bull, the he cat.
And that was me.
Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee...
Say baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby do you wanna lay down by my side
Ah baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby?...Say baby

Too many puppies are being shot in the dark.
Too many puppies are trained not to bark.
At the sight of blood that must be spilled so that we may maintain
Our oil fields.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies are taught to heal.
Too many puppies are trained to kill.
On the command of men wearing money belts that buy mistresses
Sleek animal pelts.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Skinny was born in a bathtub
And he grew so incredibly thin
Even the tide from the eyedropper sucked him in
Skinny never knew any questions
Skinny never looked alike
Skinny sold somethin' every single night
Skinny sold a soldier to me
Skinny sold the wife
Skinny sold a suction cup and a knife
Skinny found a hello dolly record in the house.
Sold it to a truck driver in the night.
Too many puppies with guns in their hands.
Too many puppies in foreign lands.
Are dressed up sharp in suits of green and placed upon the war machine.
Too many puppies are just like me.
Too many puppies are afraid to see.
The visions of the past brought to life again,
Too many puppies, too many dead men.

In 1986, the University of Californa at Davis
saw two of its all-time brightest stars,
Dr. Alphonse Mephisto and Dr. Arnie Abesacraben.
Dr. Mephisto worked hard towards his thesis - his goal
was to genetically duplicate the DNA structure of Asparagus,
so that all Asparagus would grow to the same girth and length,
Giving Asparagus a much more pleasent presentation in the world's
supermarket vegetable bins.

Dr. Abesacraben's goal was to genetically create the greatest
musical entertainer the world had ever seen.
Dr. Abesacraben knew that if he could assemble the right elements,
he could theoretically build a DNA structure that would ensure
his creation had talent far surpassing the average individual.

At the time, one subject of urban myth was the story that
Michael Jackson - in an effort to maintain his youthful look and
feminie vocal characteristics - had his testicles surgically removed,
thereby making him a modern-day castrato.

If such a rumor were true, Michael Jackson more that likely would have
had some of his semen preserved before the surgery, to ensure his the
future of his name and lineage.

Word came back to Dr. Abesacraben of a secret cold storage locker
deep within the bowels of the UCLA research center, that not only
contained four containers of frozen semen, but also held a pair of
testicles, each was labeled with the name "Jack Michaelson".

I once heard a noise,
In the night the most sensual voice.
Song of love from a eight year-old boy,
Stuck in my head.
And this is what he said:

I am gopher boy!
Pondering reality!
I am gopher boy!
Who will buy my raspberries?

This had to be the seed of the king of pop!
Dr. Abesacraben was able to use his charm and and chissled Greek
features to woo a young lab technician by the name of Jennifer, who of
course happened to have the proper access needed to obtain a small vial
of the precious semen.

The search for the egg was a short one - Dr. Mephisto simply ran an ad
in the classified section of an airline music magazine. The ad read:
"Wanted: unfertilized human eggs for genetic experiment. Donors must
have musical background." With a plethora of young, eager wanna-be
music starlets willing to sell their eggs, the two doctors - after
rigorous auditioning - picked... and purchased.

Dr. Abesacraben felt that it would be far less complicated legally if the
fetus were brought to term in the womb of a non-human. He had long since
secured the services of the University volleyball mascot, a llama by the
name of "Missy".
When the baby was ready, the child via cesarean. It was a healthy baby
boy; he was named Kevin.

I once heard a noise,
In the night the most sensual voice.
Song of love from a eight year-old boy,
Stuck in my head.
And this is what he said:

I am gopher boy!
Pondering reality!
I am gopher boy!
Who will buy my raspberries?

Kevin was a beautiful child. Dr. Abesacraben saw to it that Kevin was
trained by the best in all aspects of performing. His voice was golden, and had a
sweetness to it that most males lacked. He moved with grace, and was able to
moonwalk by the time he was three. As Kevin grew in his talent, Dr. Abesacraben
started noticing odd developments in his physical state. When Kevin lost his baby
teeth, his secondaries came in with a vengance! They were at least twice
the size of a normal adult's, and the two in front stuck nearly straight out. Also
as Kevin reached his eighth year, he was the same as the was when he was four. To
top it off, he was growing hair all over and his penis was enormous, even by adult
standards.
It also dawned on the doctor that even trough all the years of hearing Kevin sing,
he rarely spoke, often choosing to communicate with various grunt and gurgles.

I once heard a noise,
In the night the most sensual voice.
Song of love from a eight year-old boy,
Stuck in my head.
And this is what he said:

I am gopher boy!
Pondering reality!
I am gopher boy!
Who will buy my raspberries?

Others were noticing the changes in Kevin. Children began to tease him - to call him "Gopher Boy."
One day a bully by the name of "Big Roy" started throwing bananas at him.
Soon a crowd of kids were all throwing bananas.
Suddenly, in a fury, Kevin rushed at Big Roy and bit three fingers off on his left hand.
Kevin was taken away and placed in the custody of the state.
Dr. Abesacraben's actions were found out, but because there was no legislation
concerning the genetic instruction of a human being, no criminal charges were brought forth.
The medical association's board of ethics stripped him of all his creditials, and his reputation was ruined.
In fact, his name became to synonmous with failure, that for years to come,
Medical students around the world were known to say in times of mishaps,
"Damn, I feel just like Abesacraben."

Dr. Mephisto immediately began procedings to adopt little Kevin.
Being a noted scientist and the creator of the cloned Asparagus,
it wasn't long before the two were legally united as father and son.
They moved to Colorado where they live in relative obscurity.
Kevin is still a boy of few spoken words, sticking mainly to his grunts and gurgles.
But on occasion, if you listen closely,
you can hear his sweet golden signing voice ring out into the night over the town of South Park:

I am gopher boy,
Pondering reality.
I am gopher boy,
Who will buy my raspberries?

Les: I'm going down to South Park, gonna have myself a time

Stan/Kyle: Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation

Les: I'm going down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind

Cartman: Ample parking day or night, people spouting "Howdy neighbor!"

Les: Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind

Kenny: I love girls with big fat titties, I love girls with deep vaginas

Les: So come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine

Bodacious am a whole lotta'
bull over nineteen hundred pounds.
He's born in Galry,
Oklahoma and he's the baddest
sonsabitch around if a Burma bull
ever were a super star then Bodacious
just might be. He's a cream colored,
beefy brawn, full-fledged,
four footed bovine celebrity.

Who's gonna ride Bodacious?
Who's gonna tame him down?
Look out for Bodacious, he's bound to
hold his ground. Here comes Bodacious,
ya'll just step aside. Big and bad Bodacious
takes a toll from those who ride.

Young Bo met a man named Tuff Hedeman
at the start of his buckin' spree and
Tuff became one of the few to make the
whistle bkac in Nineteen Ninety Three.

Tuff tried to ride Bo again at
the finals in Nineteen Ninety Five.
Bodacious had got a little older and wiser
Tuff barely came out alive.