Beautiful South

She'd brought along the oranges
He'd brought the tea
They both brought along a sick-bag just in case

The plate of chicken sandwiches
Were lovely, they agreed
And I watched him spit the bits into her face

"Do you love me like you used to?" He sighs
"I love you twice as much", she replies
They were on the train to Venice, where else?
I think tonight I fancy myself

I'd rather drink that toast to my own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself
And if you drink that drink to your own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself

Later in the evening
The sun came rolling down
And they talked about their fantasies and fears

Between the heavy breathing
And those lighter licking sounds
I heard him whisper this question in her ear

"Would you still love me if I lost my legs?"
"I'd see that you were loved and you were fed"
"I end up in a car crash almost dead"
"For richer and for partly severed head"

I'd rather drink that toast to my own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself
And if you drink that drink to your own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself

The neighbors ask them out but they flatly refuse
"We're saving up for a world-wide cruise"
With a choice between a loneliness and love sick QE2's
Well, tonight I choose self-abuse

A four-pack in the fridge
A good book on the shelf
I think tonight I'd rather love myself

This is my life and this is how it reads
For every chapter, a thousand memories
A murder, a mystery where everybody bleeds
A fantasy, a thriller with romance and disease

Diary entry 9th of May '62
We've had some ugly babies but none were quite like you
Diary entry '62 end of May
It looks as if the nose and chin are definitely here to stay
They're here to stay, they're here to stay

If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking
I'm a failure
You are, you are
And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted
And I'm a failure
You are, you are, you are (I am)
You are, you are, you are (I am)

This is my life and this is how it reads
A documentary that nobody believes
Albert Steptoe in 'Gone with the Breeze'
Mother played by Peter Beardsley, father by John Cleese

Diary entry '68 end of the year
A cardboard Apollo 6 has given the all clear
11th December '68 Captain's log
Proposed trip to Mars is cancelled due to fog
It's due to fog, it's due to fog

If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking
I'm a failure
You are, you are
And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted
And I'm a failure
You are, you are, you are (I am)
You are, you are, you are (I am)

This is the play, it was I who wrote the script
Terry meets June in 'Tales from the Crypt'
It was going to be a film but the camera person slipped
They later found him scolding a banana

Diary entry 10th of April '89
The world is going mad but me I'm doing fine
I'm doing fine

Back to bed, back to reality

Don't whisper love and dream of wedding bells
Don't do all the talking, let love speak up itself
Let love speak up itself

So when you feel a little tatty and unhappy with your face
Let it breathe into us and put you back in place
Let it breathe, let it breathe
From the day it came into us till the day it wants to leave
For it will, it will go
And it will not say goodbye just like it didn't say hello
There will not be a send-off, a funeral or mass
Just a pathetic little vodka from a dirty little glass
'To the world's greatest mum
From the oldest swinger in town'

Let love speak up itself
Let love speak up itself
Let it rise up in the morning and take us for that walk
Let it do the talking when we're too tired to talk
When we're too tired to talk

And when you feel unhappy that I'm not the one I was
Let love rot inside and let love palm you off
Let it rot, let it rot
Let it take your feelings and tie them in a knot
In a knot, in a knot
Let it take your feelings and tie them in a knot
Hang them from a cleaver and say 'Look what we've got
A man and a woman and guess what they forgot'
'To the world's greatest mum
From the oldest swinger in town'

Let love speak up itself

(Heaton/Rotheray)
I should've kept my eyes shut
But I had to go and peep
But when you saw what I saw
Well, it's hard just to roll back to sleep

I would've kept my eyes shut
But I thought I heard you scream
And I've a penchant for violence
You don't seem to find in a dream

The scene a little clearer
My father with a rope
And in the cage, centre-stage
It's mother who's destined to choke

And she choke and we choke
On the words that we wish we'd not spoke
Just when you felt you had someone to trust
Out comes the man with the dagger and cloak

I should've read the novels
Believed every word
But the stories they wrote
Were so different to ones that I'd heard

I should've kept my eyes shut
My mouth should've closed
But the mixture of vomit and blood
Just crept up through my nose

It became a little clearer
As soon as I awoke
My father stands with rope in hand
A screaming mother kneels in hope

And she hope and we hope
That me words that she said won't provoke
A smile is removed and a petal is crushed
What once was a laugh has turned into a joke

You should've kept your mouth shut

-------------
Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By PAUL HEATON, DAVE ROTHERAY
<i>Lyrics &copy; Universal Music Publishing Group</i>

I need a little time
To think it over
I need a little space
Just on my own
I need a little time
To find my freedom
I need a little...

Funny how quick the milk turns sour
Isn't it, isn't it
Your face has been looking like that for hours
Hasn't it, hasn't it
Promises, promises turn to dust
Wedding bells just turn to rust
Trust into mistrust

I need a little room
To find myself
I need a little space
To work it out
I need a little room
All alone
I need a little...

You need a little room for your big head
Don't you, don't you
You need a little space for a thousand beds
Won't you, won't you
Lips that promise - fear the worst
Tongue so sharp - the bubble burst
Just into unjust

I've had a little time
To find the truth
Now I've had a little room
To check what's wrong
I've had a little time
And I still love you
I've had a little...

You had a little time
And you had a little fun
Didn't you, didn't you
While you had yours
Do you think I had none
Do you, do you
The Freedom that you wanted bad
Is yours for good
I hope you're glad
Sad into unsad

I had a little time
To think it over
Had a little room
To work it out
I found a little courage
To call it off

I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Here he comes - Mother's Pride
With the first ever satchel she bought him swinging by his side
Here he comes Mother's Pride
With a headful of 'get your laces tied' and 'woe betide'

With a year's supply of sandwiches and fairy cakes
That she provides for him to eat at dinner breaks
It's no surprise at all, at ad the friends he makes
His stomach aches
he's Mother's Pride

He's presentable, well looked after
He's domestically disastrous
He's adorable - Mother's Pride

Here he comes - Father's Pride
With a head filled up with devil dogs and genocide
Here he comes - Father's Pride
He's showing all the kids his tickets for ringside

He'll always roam the yard looking for a fight
He'll pick on all the kids who're twice his height
He's the reason dinner ladies toss and turn at night
Teacher's Blight - Father's Pride

He's the image of his Dad
Mickey Mouse meets Jack the Lad
He's never sad - Father's Pride

Here he comes Mother's Pride
Here he comes Father's Pride
Here he comes Mother's Pride
Father's Pride
His Mother's Pride

-------------
Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By PAUL HEATON, DAVE ROTHERAY
<i>Lyrics &copy; Universal Music Publishing Group</i>

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Tables turned over and curtains ripped
Bottles uncollected, collected here
Nothing seems to shine like these razor edges do
It's a crazy little world without you

I went to see a doctor and she said 'Yes, go ahead'
'Throw yourself into the sea'
I wrote a will for my friends
And this is how it read
'Me, me, me, me, me, me, me'
No friends, everything for me, me, me
No friends, just me, just me

Fleet Street was a very funny place
Home to the mad and the corrupt
What would you say if I told you today
I'd made this whole story up?

I made this whole story up

-------------
Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By PAUL HEATON, DAVE ROTHERAY
<i>Lyrics &copy; Universal Music Publishing Group</i>

She'd given everything she could give
Twenty years of kindness made her sad
Kindness never made enough to live
So she sold the very last thing that she had

As she held her hand out to him
As he drove around the block
He mouthed through the window 'just hold on'
'I've held on many years now and I haven't found a lot'
Hold on, hold on to what?

So hold on to what? Hold on to what?
Holding on is harder when it's something you've not got
I'll need a pair of stilts if I'm to ever reach the top
So hold on! Hold on to what?

Many years of service with a smile
Up shit creek and down the Rhine
Gibraltar Rock and now the Emerald Isle
He'd shined every shoe that he could shine

And as he lay in his own blood
Screaming 'I've been shot'
He heard the Major whisper 'just hold on'
'I've held on all these years now, now what medal have I got?'
Hold on, hold on to what?

So hold on to what? Hold on to what?
Holding on is harder when it's something you've not got
I'll need a pair of stilts if I'm to ever reach the top
So hold on! Hold on to what?


So hold on to what? Hold on to what?
Holding on is harder when it's something you've not got
I'll need a pair of stilts if I'm to ever reach the top
So hold on! Hold on to what?

Sixty years and he's looking his worst
Sitting in the park where she'd died
Running hands through his final hair
These are the words that he cried

To achieve the American dream
You need a trampoline
To achieve the counter effect
Get that whisky down your neck'
And hold o

Don't know what I'm doing here
I'll carry on regardless
Got enough money for one more beer
I'll carry on regardless

Good as gold, but stupid as mud
He'll carry on regardless
They'll bleed his heart 'til there's no more blood
But carry on regardless

Carry on with laugh
Carry on with cry
Carry on with brown under moonlit sky

I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs
Not in the star signs
Or the palm that she reads
I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I want it in this
I want it in this

Got one note to last all week
I'll carry on regardless
The hill to happiness is far too steep
I'll carry on regardless

Dried his mouth in the Memphis sun
He carried on regardless
Tried to smile and he bit his tongue
But carry on regardless

Carry on with work
Carry on with love
Carry on with cheering
Anything above

I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs
Not in the star signs
Or the palm that she reads
I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I'll have it in this
I'll have it in this

I don't want silver, I just want gold
Carry on regardless
Bronze is for the sick and the old
But carry on regardless

I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs
Not in the star signs
Or the palm that she reads
I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I'll have it in this
I'll have it in this

Only buy this if you're lonely
Only listen if you're blue
If you are married and you are happy
This song is not to do with you

If you're listening at your work place
Feeling small amongst the men
Do not sing this to your workmates
This song is not to do with them

But if you're sitting on a barstool
Wondering what on earth to do
Don't let them tell you no-one cares
This songs one especially for you

If you are listening on your radio
Smiling while you drive along
Tune the band into another
Because this song is not your song

If you're working as a DJ
Leave this record in it's sleeve
Cause this ones not for general airplay
This song's for the day she leaves

If you've bought this and you're sinking
And I think that you know who
It matters not the mouth thats singing
This song's one especially for you

So this goes out to the lonely
So this goes out to the sad
And it goes out to the only
One you felt you ever had

If you're there in total darkness
With a letter in your hand
Do not bother with the letter
lust listen to the band

So only buy this if you're lonely

Everybody's talkin' at me.
I can't hear a word they're sayin',
Only the echoes of my mind.

People stoppin' starin'
I can't see their faces,
Only the shadows of their eyes.

I'm goin' where the sun keeps shinin'
Thru the pourin' rain,
Goin' where the weather suits my clothes.

Bankin' off the northeast wind,
Sailin' on a summer breeze,
Trippin' over the ocean like a stone.

Woh Woh Woh

I'm goin' where the sun keeps shinin'
Thru the pourin' rain,
Goin' where the weather suits my clothes.

Bankin' off the northeast wind,
Sailin' on a summer breeze,
Trippin' over the ocean like a stone. (Like A Stone)

Everybody's talkin' at me.

Woh Woh Woh

Line One is the time
That you, you first stayed over at mine
And we drank our first bottle of wine
And we cried

Line Two we're away
And we both, we both had nowhere to stay
Well the bus-shelter's always OK
When you're young

Now you're older and I look at your face
Every wrinkle is so easy to place
And I only write them down just in case
That you die

Let's take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of Julys
Not through the age or the failure, children
Not through the hate or despise
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes

Line Three I forget
But I think, I think it was our first ever bet
And the horse we backed was short of a leg
Never mind

Line Four in a park
And the things, the things that people do in the dark
I could hear the faintest beat of your heart
Then we did

Now you're older and I look at your face
Every wrinkle is so easy to place
And I only write them down just in case
You should die

Lets take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of Julys
You can't have too many good times, children
You can't have too many lines
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes

Well my eyes look like a map of the town
And my teeth are either yellow or they're brown
But you'll never hear the crack of a frown
When you are here
You'll never hear the crack
Of a frown

The sheets won't need changing everyday
The freezer supply should last a year
Those hidden little points that you're away
Nothing much has changed since you were here

Our paths will cross some day
Our paths will cross some day
While you're out jogging and I'm sat snogging
Some fool on a lakeside bench

And when she calls I hope it's you that dials
I hope it's you that feels this love inside
And when I touch her I hope it's you that smiles
And when I die I hope it's you I'm beside
To die with her would be a worthless lie
To die with her would be a worthless die
To die together would be worth a try
To die together would be worth a try

The family pack seems larger than it should
Two for one's no good when there's just one
I'd raise a bigger smile if I could
But me minus you equals none

Our paths will cross some day
Our paths will cross some day
When you're out fishing and I'm sat wishing

You instead of him
Our paths will cross some day
Our patbs will cross some day
When you're out exercising and I'm there prising
The pants of I my latest sin

And when we kiss she knows it's you I kiss
'Cause when we kiss I always start to cry
You just can't cover up these lying lips
When I die I hope it's you I'm beside
To die with her would be a worthless lie
To die with her would be a worthless die
To die together would be worth a try
To die together would be worth a try

An ambulance flashed past me in the street
Just yards from where we were to meet
I was half hoping you were dead meat
That it was you that was under the sheet

And as you lay there alone in the ward
Fumbling for the keys to death's door
At least I'd have summoned up the nerve
To whisper you these words

Finally! Quietly! Actually!
I love you

Vagabonds don't fall in love
They just wheel and they deal
So if I turn a funny colour when you kiss me
I can't help the way that I feel

Hooligans don't fall in love
They just break up others lives
So when I come to you on bended knee
Don't forget my twenty other wives

So why?
Turn to a life of violence and crime?
So why?
Why do you cheat and why do you lie?

Because there's always someone with a bigger car
There's always someone with a bigger cigar
If you've been far
There's someone who's been further than your far
When you make your cart, you get to the start
There's always someone in a faster cart
There's always someone in a faster cart
There's always someone in a faster cart

Gangsters don't fall in love
They just roam from town to town
So when we kiss and we hold and we whisper
Please don't ever write it down

Hooligans don't fall in love
They just lie and they drink
So if you say I won't say 'I will'
Then I won't I think!

So why?
Turn to a life of violence and crime?
So why?
Why do you cheat and why do you lie?

Because there's always someone with a bigger car
There's always someone with a bigger cigar
If you've been far
There's always someone who's been further than your far
At last you're straight and you make a new start
There's always someone with a better heart
There's always someone with a better heart
There's always someone with a better heart

But all in all we're not so bad
We never take from our own kind
Bad's quite good w

Hey church I was thinking
The Third World seems to be sinking
Can't you all get over there
And we'll have them all over here

And you can learn to catch your own food
And you can learn to build your own hut
And we'll make up the usual excuse
To keep them in the pubs till they're shut

Hey skin, I just thought
The doctrine Hitler has taught
Is still kicking off in the States
Can't you go and join with your mates

Join up with the clueless clan
Dress up in a bag and a skirt
End up looking like a jed
Meanwhile we'll have gone mad

And the hidden jukebox plays us a song
For each and everyone
For black, white, straight and the gay
Celebrate you being away

Hey Turk I was thinking
OK so l may have been drinking
You can come drink over here
And we'll fuck them off over there

Whisky for the Greek and the Turk
Gin for the Arab and the Jew
A double arsenic for Mister Le Pen
Cause it's him who soils Europe and not you

And the hidden jukebox plays us a song
Everyone should sing along
With a message that'll ring and ring
These are the words that we sing