Jerry Reed

Well, I guess it was back in '63
When eatin' my cookin' got the better of me,
So I asked this little girl I was goin' with to be my wife.
Well, she said she would, so I said "I do".
But I'da said I wouldn't if I'da just knew
How sayin' "I do" was gonna screw up all of my life!

Well, the first few years weren't all that bad
I'll never forget the good times we had
Cause I'm reminded every month when I send her the child support.
Well, it wasn't too long till the lust all died,
And I'll admit I wasn't too surprised
The day I come home and found my suitcase sittin' out on the porch.

Well, I tried to get in, she changed the locks!
Then I found this note taped on the mailbox
That said, "Goodbye, turkey! My attorney will be in touch!" Mm-hmm창?짝
So I decided right then and there
I's gonna do what's right, give her her fair share.
But brother, I didn't know her share's gon' be that much!

She got the gold mine! She got the gold mine!
I got the shaft. I got the shaft.
They split it right down the middle,
And then they give her the better half.
Well, it all sounds sorta funny,
But it hurts too much to laugh.
She got the gold mine, I got the sha-a-aft.

Now, listen, you ain't heard nothin' yet:
Why, they give her the color television set,
Then they give her the house, the kids, and both of the cars! See?
Well, then they start talkin' 'bout child support,
Alimony, and the cost of the court
Didn't take me long to figure out how far in the toilet I was!

I'm tellin' ya, they have made a mistake
Cause it adds up to more than this cowboy makes!
Besides; everything I ever had worth takin', they've already took!
While she's livin' like a queen on alimony,
I'm workin' two shifts eatin' baloney,
Askin' myself, "Why didn't you just learn how to cook?!?!"

They give her the gold mine! She got the gold mine!
They give me the shaft. I got the shaft.
They said they're splittin' it all down the middle,
But she got the better half.
Well, it all sounds mighty funny,
But it hurts too much to laugh.
She got the gold mine, I got the sha-a-aft.

Well, she got the gold mine! She got the gold mine!
I got the shaft. I got the shaft.
They split it all down the middle,
And then they give her the better half.
Well, I guess it all sounds funny, Hoo, hoo, hoo, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
But it hurts too much to laugh.
She got the gold mine - I got the sha-a-aft.
(They ain't kiddin' me 창?? I got the shaft.)

Well, I don't have to worry 창??bout totin' a billfold n'more.
Hahahahaha창?짝
I let my wife tote it; I'mon' be carryin' food stamps창??
You get it, judge? I'mon' be창?짝 Just창?짝 Hahahaha창?짝
Ah, it's not funny, huh? Huh? Huh?
Contempt of court? Whaddaya mean?
Listen, judge: I's just kiddin'!

Yeah here comes Amos
Now Amos Moses was a Cajun
He lived by himself in the swamp
He hunted alligator for a living
He'd just knock them in the head with a stump
The Louisiana law gonna get you Amos
It ain't legal hunting alligator down in the swamp boy

Now everyone blamed his old man
For making him mean as a snake
When Amos Moses was a boy
His daddy would use him for alligator bait
Tie a rope around his neck and throw him in the swamp
Alligator man in the Louisiana bayou
About forty-five minutes south of Tippitoe Louisiana
Lived a man called Dr. Mills South and his pretty wife Hannah
They raised up a son who could eat his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth
Called him Amos Moses

Now the folks around south Louisiana
Said Amos was a hell of a man
He could trap the biggest meanest alligator
And he'd just use one hand
That's all he got left cause an alligator bit it
Left arm gone clear up to the elbow

Well the sheriff caught wind that Amos was up in the swamp
Trading alligator skins
So he snuck in the swamp gonna get the boy
But he never came out
Well I wonder where the Louisiana sheriff went to
Well you can sure get lost in the Louisiana bayou
About forty-five minutes south of Tippitoe Louisiana
Lived a cat named Dr. Mills South and his pretty wife Hannah
They raised up a son who could eat his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth
Called him Amos Moses

I know son
Make it count son
About forty-five minutes south of Tippitoe Louisiana...

Well, if you're one of the millions who own one of them gas-drinking, piston-clinking, air-polluting, smoke-belching, four-wheeled buggies from Detroit City, then pay attention. I'm about to sing your song son.

Well, I'm not a man appointed judge
To bear ill-will and hold a grudge
But I think it's time I said me a few choice words
All about that demon automobile
A metal box with the polyglass wheel
The end result to a dream of Henry Ford
Well I've got a car that's mine alone
That me and the finance company own
A ready-made pile of manufactured grief
And if I ain't out of gas in the pouring rain
I'm a-changin' a flat in a hurricane
I once spent three days lost on a cloverleaf
Well it ain't just the smoke and the traffic jam
That makes me the bitter fool I am
But this four-wheel buggy is
A-dollaring me to death
For gas and oils and fluids and grease
And wires and tires and anti freeze
And them accessories
Well honey, that's something else
Well you can get a stereo tape and a color TV
Get a back-seat bar and reclining seats
And just pay once a month, like you do your rent
Well I figured it up and over a period of time
This four thousand dollar car of mine
Costs fourteen thousand dollars
And ninety-nine cents, well now

[Chorus]
Lord Mr. Ford, I just wish that you could see
What your simple horseless carriage has become
Well it seems your contribution to man
To say the least, got a little out of hand
Well Lord Mr. Ford what have you done

Now the average American father and mother
Own one whole car and half another
And I bet that half a car is a
Trick to buy, don't you
But the thing that amazes me, I guess
Is the way we measure a man's success
By the kind of automobile he can afford to buy
Well now, red light, green light, traffic cop
Right turn, no turn, must turn, stop
Get out the credit card honey, we're out of gas
Well now, all the cars placed end to end
Would reach to the moon and back again
And there'd probably be some
Fool pull out to pass
Well now, how I yearn for the good old days
Without that carbon monoxide haze
A-hanging over the roar of the interstate
Well if the Lord that made the moon and stars
Would have meant for me and you to have cars
He'd have seen that we was all born
With a parking space

[Chorus]

Come away with me Lucille
In my smoking, choking automobile

Well me and Homer Jones and Big John Talley
Had a big crap game goin' back in the alley
And I kept rollin' them sevens , winnin' all them pots
My luck was so good I could do no wrong
I jest kept on rollin' and controllin' them bones
And finally they jest threw up their hands and said
"When you hot, you hot"
I said "Yeah?"

When you're hot, you're hot
And when you're not, you're not
Put all the money in and let's roll 'em again
When you're hot, you're hot
(La la la la la la la) (La la la la la)
(La la la la la la la, when you're hot, you're hot)

Well, now every time I rolled them dice I'd win
And I was just gettin' ready to roll 'em again
When I heard somethin' behind me
I turned around and there was a big old cop
He said "Hello, boys" and then he gave us a grin 'n' said
"Look like I'm gonna hafta haul you all in
And keep all that money for evidence"
I said, "Well, son when you hot, you hot"
He said "Yeah"

When you're hot, you're hot
And when you're not, you're not
You can 'splain it all down at City Hall
I say, yeah, when you're hot, you're hot
You're hot
(La la la la la la la) (La la la la la)
(La la la la la la la, when you're hot, you're hot)

Well, when he took us inta court I couldn't believe my eyes
The judge was a fishin' buddy that I recognized
I said "Hey, judge, old buddy, old pal"
"I'll pay ya that hundred I owe ya if you'll get me outta this spot"
So he gave my friends a little fine to pay
He turned around and grinned at me and said
"Ninety days, Jerry, when you hot, you hot"
'n' I said "Thanks a lot"

When you're hot, you're hot
And when you're not, you're not
He let my friends go free and throwed the book at me
He said "Well, when you're hot, you're hot"

I said "well I'll tell ya one thing judge, old buddy, old pal"
"If you wasn't wearin' that black robe I'd take out in back of this courthouse
"And I'd try a little bit of your honor on"
"You understand that, you hillbilly?"
"Who gonna collect my welfare?"
(When you're hot, you're hot")
"Pay for my Cadillac?"
Whadda you mean 'contempt of court'?"
(When you're hot, you're hot")
"Judge"

You'll find me hanging around it's where I'll be found down on the corner of love
Neath the stars that shine and the neon signs I'll be down on the corner of love
When I start to ball love starts to call down on the corner of love
You'll find me hanging around it's where I'll be found

I'll be down on the corner of love
When it's late in the evenin' and I can't help but feelin'
That my heart is a stealin' neath the stars up above
Yeah when the sun goes down and moon comes around
I'll be down on the corner of love

When you're passin' by too lonely to cry down on the corner of love
Just stop for a while I'll teach you to smile down on the corner of love
Ever love that you had has treated you bad down on the corner of love
Forget what you knew let's start life anew down on the corner of love
When it's late in the evenin'

Every night I go down to this same little joint
Fill up my glass till I reach the point past remembering
Where the music is loud the conversation is free
A dance or two with someone to keep me from remembering

The fool I've been the hurt I've caused the good woman that I loved and lost
For she's constantly with me in memory
I go home but I couldn't sleep and after hours I'd be walkin' the streets remembering
A good woman's love is hard to find and my woman's love was just that kind

And I'm the reason that she's gone today
I miss her so and the price that I pay is remembering
I take her to sleep in my dreams every night
Then start all over in the morning light remembering

The way it was when she loved me then like a fool how I carelessly
Broke her heart then watched my world fall apart
I'd give this world for yesterday just to have her love me the way I remember
Just to have her love me the way I remember

Well, I'm gonna get out my sycamore and shine up my shoes
Meet my baby and tell her the news
I bet my bundle on a swayback nag
And I came home winner with a plenty o'swag

One foot, two foot slew foot drag
Swing your honey to the sugar foot rag
Do a little jig and a zig and a zag
And listen to the fiddles as they play that sugar foot rag

Well, I got a big jug o'cinder and a bottle of wine
One's for my honey and the other is mine
Sip on the cider and sip on the wine
They both sip together and a have a good time

One foot, two foot slew foot drag
Swing your honey to the sugar foot rag
Do a little jig and a zig and a zag
And listen to the steel guitar as they play that sugar foot rag

I'm gonna spend all my money and a git on a jag
Swing my honey to the sugar foot rag
Walk right up and stomp on the floor
And swing up the middle with a shoofly four

One foot, two foot slew foot drag
Swing your honey to the sugar foot rag
Do a little jig and a zig and a zag
And listen to Jerry, he's gonna play you that sugar foot rag

Do a little jig and a zig and a zag
And that's the way you play that sugar foot rag

Tupelo Mississippi Flash

I'm gonna tell you a story that's all about
This job I had one time as a talent scout, hmm.

I had a hard day at the office and the boss wasn't in town
The day this hired legged guitar picker just happened to come around.

Well, he walks in my office with a great big grin,
And folks that's where my story really begins.

He said, “Son my name is Boregard Rippy.
I come to you from Tupelo Mississippi.
I write songs that'll sing like a bird,
I play licks on my guitar like you ain't never heard.

But I'm down on my luck and things are just a little slack.
I gotta quarter in my pocket and a shirt on my back.
But you buy me some supper and give me a place I can sleep
He said “I'll sing you some songs that'll rock your head to sleep.
I got talent boy. Said back home they call me the Tupelo Mississippi Flash

Well I knew I was in a room with some kind of a nut
When he pulled out that pack of used cigarette butts.
So that's when I told him “We can't use you today??
So I handed the boy a dollar and sent him on his way

Well the boss got back and we both had a laugh
When I told him ‘bout the Tupelo Mississippi Flash
And pretty soon I had the story circling around
About this Mississippi nut that we had in our town.

I said, “watch him everybody, the boy's squirrelly!
He walks around calling himself the Tupelo Mississippi Flash.??

Well it happened one day while I was driving to my home
I just happened to have my car radio on.
When I heard the jockey raving about a brand new smash
By a kid called the Tupelo Mississippi Flash

I almost wrecked my automobile
I went through a red light
I hit the traffic cop....Why??

Well my story's got an ending and it's short and sweet
The boss man he fired me and left me out in the street
But I got a new job now and I'm as learnin' real fast
I'm drivin' the bus for the Tupelo Mississippi Flash

And his Cadillac I'm driving that for him too
And that yacht he's got.
And is there a plane??
Well chauffeur, chauffeur I hear him say
Tupelo Mississippi, who ever heard of it...........

Yeah here comes Amos
Now Amos Moses was a Cajun
He lived by himself in the swamp
He hunted alligator for a living
He'd just knock them in the head with a stump
The Louisiana law gonna get you Amos
It ain't legal hunting alligator down in the swamp boy

Now everyone blamed his old man
For making him mean as a snake
When Amos Moses was a boy
His daddy would use him for alligator bait
Tie a rope around his neck and throw him in the swamp
Alligator man in the Louisiana bayou
About forty-five minutes south of Tippitoe Louisiana
Lived a man called Dr. Mills South and his pretty wife Hannah
They raised up a son who could eat his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth
Called him Amos Moses

Now the folks around south Louisiana
Said Amos was a hell of a man
He could trap the biggest meanest alligator
And he'd just use one hand
That's all he got left cause an alligator bit it
Left arm gone clear up to the elbow

Well the sheriff caught wind that Amos was up in the swamp
Trading alligator skins
So he snuck in the swamp gonna get the boy
But he never came out
Well I wonder where the Louisiana sheriff went to
Well you can sure get lost in the Louisiana bayou
About forty-five minutes south of Tippitoe Louisiana
Lived a cat named Dr. Mills South and his pretty wife Hannah
They raised up a son who could eat his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth
Called him Amos Moses

I know son
Make it count son
About forty-five minutes south of Tippitoe Louisiana...

Well, if you're one of the millions who own one of them gas-drinking, piston-clinking, air-polluting, smoke-belching, four-wheeled buggies from Detroit City, then pay attention. I'm about to sing your song son.

Well, I'm not a man appointed judge
To bear ill-will and hold a grudge
But I think it's time I said me a few choice words
All about that demon automobile
A metal box with the polyglass wheel
The end result to a dream of Henry Ford
Well I've got a car that's mine alone
That me and the finance company own
A ready-made pile of manufactured grief
And if I ain't out of gas in the pouring rain
I'm a-changin' a flat in a hurricane
I once spent three days lost on a cloverleaf
Well it ain't just the smoke and the traffic jam
That makes me the bitter fool I am
But this four-wheel buggy is
A-dollaring me to death
For gas and oils and fluids and grease
And wires and tires and anti freeze
And them accessories
Well honey, that's something else
Well you can get a stereo tape and a color TV
Get a back-seat bar and reclining seats
And just pay once a month, like you do your rent
Well I figured it up and over a period of time
This four thousand dollar car of mine
Costs fourteen thousand dollars
And ninety-nine cents, well now

[Chorus]
Lord Mr. Ford, I just wish that you could see
What your simple horseless carriage has become
Well it seems your contribution to man
To say the least, got a little out of hand
Well Lord Mr. Ford what have you done

Now the average American father and mother
Own one whole car and half another
And I bet that half a car is a
Trick to buy, don't you
But the thing that amazes me, I guess
Is the way we measure a man's success
By the kind of automobile he can afford to buy
Well now, red light, green light, traffic cop
Right turn, no turn, must turn, stop
Get out the credit card honey, we're out of gas
Well now, all the cars placed end to end
Would reach to the moon and back again
And there'd probably be some
Fool pull out to pass
Well now, how I yearn for the good old days
Without that carbon monoxide haze
A-hanging over the roar of the interstate
Well if the Lord that made the moon and stars
Would have meant for me and you to have cars
He'd have seen that we was all born
With a parking space

[Chorus]

Come away with me Lucille
In my smoking, choking automobile

Well, I guess it was back in '63
When eatin' my cookin' got the better of me,
So I asked this little girl I was goin' with to be my wife.
Well, she said she would, so I said "I do".
But I'da said I wouldn't if I'da just knew
How sayin' "I do" was gonna screw up all of my life!

Well, the first few years weren't all that bad
I'll never forget the good times we had
Cause I'm reminded every month when I send her the child support.
Well, it wasn't too long till the lust all died,
And I'll admit I wasn't too surprised
The day I come home and found my suitcase sittin' out on the porch.

Well, I tried to get in, she changed the locks!
Then I found this note taped on the mailbox
That said, "Goodbye, turkey! My attorney will be in touch!" Mm-hmm창?짝
So I decided right then and there
I's gonna do what's right, give her her fair share.
But brother, I didn't know her share's gon' be that much!

She got the gold mine! She got the gold mine!
I got the shaft. I got the shaft.
They split it right down the middle,
And then they give her the better half.
Well, it all sounds sorta funny,
But it hurts too much to laugh.
She got the gold mine, I got the sha-a-aft.

Now, listen, you ain't heard nothin' yet:
Why, they give her the color television set,
Then they give her the house, the kids, and both of the cars! See?
Well, then they start talkin' 'bout child support,
Alimony, and the cost of the court
Didn't take me long to figure out how far in the toilet I was!

I'm tellin' ya, they have made a mistake
Cause it adds up to more than this cowboy makes!
Besides; everything I ever had worth takin', they've already took!
While she's livin' like a queen on alimony,
I'm workin' two shifts eatin' baloney,
Askin' myself, "Why didn't you just learn how to cook?!?!"

They give her the gold mine! She got the gold mine!
They give me the shaft. I got the shaft.
They said they're splittin' it all down the middle,
But she got the better half.
Well, it all sounds mighty funny,
But it hurts too much to laugh.
She got the gold mine, I got the sha-a-aft.

Well, she got the gold mine! She got the gold mine!
I got the shaft. I got the shaft.
They split it all down the middle,
And then they give her the better half.
Well, I guess it all sounds funny, Hoo, hoo, hoo, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
But it hurts too much to laugh.
She got the gold mine - I got the sha-a-aft.
(They ain't kiddin' me 창?? I got the shaft.)

Well, I don't have to worry 창??bout totin' a billfold n'more.
Hahahahaha창?짝
I let my wife tote it; I'mon' be carryin' food stamps창??
You get it, judge? I'mon' be창?짝 Just창?짝 Hahahaha창?짝
Ah, it's not funny, huh? Huh? Huh?
Contempt of court? Whaddaya mean?
Listen, judge: I's just kiddin'!

Well I quit my job down at the carwash I left my mama a goodbye note
By sundown I'd left Kingston with my guitar under my coat
I hitchhiked all the way down to Memphis got a room at the YMCA
For the next three weeks I went a hountin' them night clubs
Lookin' for a place to play
Well I thought my pickin' would set 'em on fire
But nobody wanted to hire a guitar man
Well I nearly bout starved to death down in Memphis I run out of money and luck
So I bummed me a ride down to Macon Georgia on a overloaded poultry truck
I thumbed on down to Panama City started checkin' out some of them all night bars
Hopin' I can make myself a dollar makin' music on my guitar
Got the same old story at them all night piers
There ain't no room around here for a guitar man we don't need a guitar man son
So I slept in the hobo jungles I bummed a thousand miles of track
Till I found myself in Mobile Alabama in a club they call Big Jack's
A little four piece band was jammin' so I took my guitar and I sat in
I showed 'em what a band would sound like
With a swingin' little guitar man show 'em son

So if you ever take a trip down to the ocean find yourself down round Mobile
Well make it on out to the club called Jack's if you got a little time to kill
Just follow that crowd of people you'll wind up out on his dance floor
Diggin' the finest little five piece group up and down the Gulf of Mexico
And guess who's leadin' that five piece band
Why wouldn't you know it's that swingin' little guitar man yeah

Well me and Homer Jones and Big John Talley
Had a big crap game goin' back in the alley
And I kept rollin' them sevens , winnin' all them pots
My luck was so good I could do no wrong
I jest kept on rollin' and controllin' them bones
And finally they jest threw up their hands and said
"When you hot, you hot"
I said "Yeah?"

When you're hot, you're hot
And when you're not, you're not
Put all the money in and let's roll 'em again
When you're hot, you're hot
(La la la la la la la) (La la la la la)
(La la la la la la la, when you're hot, you're hot)

Well, now every time I rolled them dice I'd win
And I was just gettin' ready to roll 'em again
When I heard somethin' behind me
I turned around and there was a big old cop
He said "Hello, boys" and then he gave us a grin 'n' said
"Look like I'm gonna hafta haul you all in
And keep all that money for evidence"
I said, "Well, son when you hot, you hot"
He said "Yeah"

When you're hot, you're hot
And when you're not, you're not
You can 'splain it all down at City Hall
I say, yeah, when you're hot, you're hot
You're hot
(La la la la la la la) (La la la la la)
(La la la la la la la, when you're hot, you're hot)

Well, when he took us inta court I couldn't believe my eyes
The judge was a fishin' buddy that I recognized
I said "Hey, judge, old buddy, old pal"
"I'll pay ya that hundred I owe ya if you'll get me outta this spot"
So he gave my friends a little fine to pay
He turned around and grinned at me and said
"Ninety days, Jerry, when you hot, you hot"
'n' I said "Thanks a lot"

When you're hot, you're hot
And when you're not, you're not
He let my friends go free and throwed the book at me
He said "Well, when you're hot, you're hot"

I said "well I'll tell ya one thing judge, old buddy, old pal"
"If you wasn't wearin' that black robe I'd take out in back of this courthouse
"And I'd try a little bit of your honor on"
"You understand that, you hillbilly?"
"Who gonna collect my welfare?"
(When you're hot, you're hot")
"Pay for my Cadillac?"
Whadda you mean 'contempt of court'?"
(When you're hot, you're hot")
"Judge"

Every night I go down to this same little joint
Fill up my glass till I reach the point past remembering
Where the music is loud the conversation is free
A dance or two with someone to keep me from remembering

The fool I've been the hurt I've caused the good woman that I loved and lost
For she's constantly with me in memory
I go home but I couldn't sleep and after hours I'd be walkin' the streets remembering
A good woman's love is hard to find and my woman's love was just that kind

And I'm the reason that she's gone today
I miss her so and the price that I pay is remembering
I take her to sleep in my dreams every night
Then start all over in the morning light remembering

The way it was when she loved me then like a fool how I carelessly
Broke her heart then watched my world fall apart
I'd give this world for yesterday just to have her love me the way I remember
Just to have her love me the way I remember