Primus

Part I - Blinded by the Sun

Bring me back again, I'd really rather not be out here on my own. Someone reel me in, I'm drifting ever farther from my home.

I remember when I was a baby gazing in amazement at the sky. Sing it twinkle twinkle little baby daddy's gonna learn you to fly...

high...

like a coment through the sky.

Bring me back again, I'd really rather not be out here on my own. I'm drifting with the wind, trying to hold the course that I've been shown.

I remember when I was a baby staring in amazement at the sun. Better shield your eyes now little baby no one ever said you were the one; no one ever said you were the one who can't be blinded by the sun. I think I'm blinded by the sun.

Part II - Sanity is Coming to Town

I like to taunt, I like to tease. I'll bring your psyche to its knees. Juggling. Sanity is coming to your town.

Who gives a damn what you say, you're pissing all your dreams away. Juggling. Sanity is coming to your town.

Part III - Pressing Onward Towards the Light

Pressing onward through the night. Pressing onward towards the light.

Slice me up a big slab of that sympathetic cheer.
If I'm zapped with radiation they say I'll last another year.

Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow.

My hands are full of protein, my arms are made of fire.
If you're calling me a diplomat, I'll be calling you a liar.

Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow.
Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow

Bodacious am a whole lotta'
bull over nineteen hundred pounds.
He's born in Galry,
Oklahoma and he's the baddest
sonsabitch around if a Burma bull
ever were a super star then Bodacious
just might be. He's a cream colored,
beefy brawn, full-fledged,
four footed bovine celebrity.

Who's gonna ride Bodacious?
Who's gonna tame him down?
Look out for Bodacious, he's bound to
hold his ground. Here comes Bodacious,
ya'll just step aside. Big and bad Bodacious
takes a toll from those who ride.

Young Bo met a man named Tuff Hedeman
at the start of his buckin' spree and
Tuff became one of the few to make the
whistle bkac in Nineteen Ninety Three.

Tuff tried to ride Bo again at
the finals in Nineteen Ninety Five.
Bodacious had got a little older and wiser
Tuff barely came out alive.

I been fightin' gravity since I was two.

Questers of the prize blind men int he snow.
Some streak the skies I choose to go below.

Skin moves towards malignant worshipping the sun.
They clamber over corpses to be the chosen ones.

Drift along liquid sky.

Descending through the darkness to the vast terrain.
Down here on the bottom you rarely hear the rain.

Drift along liquid sky.

Felt a pang late one afternoon
I was fishin' off Muir beach
With Larry LeLonde
Grabbed a tuna salad sandwich
And I started to chew
Pretty soon Ler's yellin
Fish on. Fish on

I was just a little pup
And it was derby day
Was dad and me and Darrell
Out in San Pablo bay
Taco flavored Doritos
And my orange life vest
Dad caught a hundred pound sturgeon
On twenty-pound test
Now he fought that fish for an hour
And a half
Darrell'd say Jump ya sons a bitch!
And he grabbed for the gaff
When we got him in the boat
He measured six feet long
I was so danged impressed I had
To write a song called
Fish on

T'was a bright and sunny day
It was me and Todd Huth
Fishin' shark Stingray
Out of Bohuas Lagoon
Well hey, hey, hey I'll be screwed,
Blued and tatooed
Looks like I got me one of them fish on
Fish on.

I ain't one for poetry, ain't one for prose. Ain't one for the scent of a spring-time rose.
But the is one face that I do know, I sure get a kick out of that Beavis and Butt-head show.

Other day I turn my TV on, and guess what I do see?
Two crazy-ass cartoon sunsabitches staring on back at me.
Said "What the hell's this", and Ler said ";Boy, don't you know?"
The whole world's gone crazy over that there Beavis and Butt-head show.

Talk about couch fishing, now I could go for that.
I could go for frog baseball, but I be inclined to use a cat!
On comedy, I'm a stooges man. I like Larry, Curly and Moe.
But now and then a get a chuckle watchin' the Beavis and Butt-head show.

Stone-Temple Pearlvana Chain, now there's a helluva band.
They got that original sound that's sweepin' 'cross the land.
Ain't no ZZ Top though, now that's the band for me.
If I had my way MTV'd play just them and AC/DC.

I ain't nothing special, I'm your average kinda man.
I like a frosted barley pop and I drink 'em outta the can!
I don't give a rat's ass about poetry and not a damn 'bout prose.
I sure get a kick outta them Beavis and Butt-head shows.

Butthead: "Hey Beavis..."
Beavis: "What?"
Butthead: "I was just like...thinking and stuff...it was pretty cool."
Beavis: "Yeah, I'm gonna try that."
Butthead: "TV is cool..."
Beavis: "Yeah, yeah, TV rules....it rules! Yeah..."
Butthead: "Hey Beavis...I heard that pretty soon, they're gonna have, like, 500 channels. That's gonna be cool."
Beavis: "Really? That would be cool."
Butthead: "You know what would be really cool, though? If like, one of the channels didn't suck."
Beavis: "Yeah, but, like, if one of them didn't suck, why would you need the other...um...three hundred and twenty-seven?"
Butthead: "Because, you know all those TV shows that suck? It's like, you gotta put them somewhere! You can't put 'em on the cool channel!"
Beavis: "Yeah, yeah! They should call it the cool channel!"

Said Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter
may have nestled its way into his mighty throat.
Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank down
the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine.
Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator.
Tommy the cat had many a story to tell,
But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did.
She came slidin' down the alleyway like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit.
The aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in even the
oldest of Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days.
The sight was beyond belief.
Many a head snapped for double - even triple - takes as this vivacious
feline made her her way into the delta of the alleyway where the most
virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out.
They hung in droves. Such a multitude of masculinity could only be
found in one place...
And that was O'malley's Alley.
The air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended),
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch as she sauntered up into
the heart of the alleyway.
She knew what she wanted.
She was lookin' for that stud bull, the he cat.
And that was me.
Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee...
Say baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby do you wanna lay down by my side
Ah baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby?...Say baby

To the carpenter and the dainty bride
The grass appears greener on the other side
So let's clarify before we unite
That the grass in never greener on the other side

To the carpenter said the dainty bride
I pledge to you my love tonight
But I will not hesitate to euthanize
If the grass becomes greener on the other side

Said the carpenter to the dainty bride
I would never do a thing to jeopardize
This union I consider prize
Grass never will be greener on the other side

To the preacher man said the dainty wife
He thought the grass was greener on the other side
So I buried in his belly my butcher knife
And ended these years of wretched strife

Said the preacher man to the guilty wife
Though the law may give you twenty years to life
Pray forgiveness in the Father's eyes
And the grass just may be greener on the other side

I once had an icecube
Purty little icecube
Now it's gone
Now it's gone

Her name was Mary
Purty little ice cube
Now she's gone
Now she's gone

She was so shiny,
My purty little icecube
Now she's gone
Where she gone?
She's gone with the others
The shiny little icecubes
Movin' on. Movin' on.

She's gone
Doesn't nothin' ever last forever?

I miss my icecube
Purty little icecube
Since she's withdrawn

I held her in my hand
My chilly little icecube
Was it wrong? Was it wrong?

She slipped away
My moist little icecube
To oblivion, oblivion

She left me standing
With tears on my face
On the lawn
So I wrote this song

Purty little icecube
Where have you gone?

Doesn't nothing ever last forever?

Now she's gone
Nothing ever lasts forever

Doesn't nothing ever last forever?

It's been declared
That it's not wise
To prize something too much
I just wish to find something to
Flaunt the right to
Touch so gently

Doesn't nothing ever last forever?

I got blood in my gas tank, bones in my steel
I eat California condor for my Thanksgiving meal
I'm the last superpower, I'm a son of a loaded gun
I'm Rapscallion

When I was young and shiny boy, I tried to dig my way to China
I met the Rapscallion, En route from South Carolina
Then he told me:
<i>[4x]</i>
"I don't like, I don't like you"

I got blood in my gas tank, bones in my steel
I eat California condor for my Thanksgiving meal
I'm the last superpower, I'm a son of a loaded gun
Cuz I'm Rapscallion I'm Rapscallion

He said "I'm searching for a colored man"
I said "what colors have you seen?"
He said "I seen 'em black and brown and red
But, but, but the one I seek is green"
Then he told me:
<i>[4x]</i>
"I don't like, I don't like you"

I got blood in my gas tank, bones in my steel
I eat California condor for my Thanksgiving meal
I'm the last superpower, I'm a son of a loaded gun
Cuz I'm Rapscallion I'm Rapscallion

I got blood in my gas tank, bones in my steel
I eat California condor for my Thanksgiving meal
I'm the last superpower, I'm a son of a loaded gun
Cuz I'm Rapscallion

I got blood in my gas tank, bones in my steel
I eat California condor for my Thanksgiving meal
I'm the last superpower, I'm a son of a loaded gun
Cuz I'm Rapscallion

I got blood in my gas tank, bones in my steel
I eat California condor for my Thanksgiving meal
I'm the last superpower, I'm a son of a loaded gun
Cuz
<i>[7x]</i> I'm Rapscallion

My friend Fats, he's a hell fo a guy.
Let me tell you why.
He's the epitome of neighborly.

My friend Fats, he's a hell fo a guy.
Let me tell y'all why.
He drips personality.

My friend Fats, he's a heck of a Joe.
You should watch him go,
Bopping in the band shine
With a bota pag of fried wine.

My friend Fats, he's a hell fo a guy.
Let me tell you why.
He's lowbrow nobility.

My friend Fats, he's a jovial sort.
When he's holding court,
The anecdotes go round
And the lager goes down.

My friend Fats, he's a hell fo a guy.
And just as long as he's high
He has no anxiety
About his chemical dependencies.

Fats has no concerns
About the candle that burns
Both ends simultaneous,
Both ends simultaneous.

My friend Fats, he's a hell fo a guy.
Let me tell y'all why.
Not much for ponctuality,
But heck on debauchery.

Fats, he's a hell of a man,
Can't y'all understand.
Him taunting his mortality,
He's unnerved by sobriety.

What if Christmas didn't come this year
And no one paid for Christmas cheer?
Who would cry the biggest tear,
The child or the store?
Why do brides wear virgin white?
Most do not deserve that right.
But to choose a color of their delight
Would surely bring on the frowns.
To defy the laws of tradition
Is a crusade only of the brave.
Suppose the taxman, he comes to town,
And you don't lay your money down.
Yet Mr. Jones he killed Mr. Brown the other day.
Well I wonder, who's gonna go to hell.

TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE BEING SHOT IN THE DARK.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE TRAINED NOT TO BARK.
AT THE SIGHT OF BLOOD THAT MUST BE SPILLED SO THAT WE MAY MAINTAIN OUR OIL FIELDS.
TOO MANY PUPPIES.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE TAUGHT TO KILL.
ON THE COMMAND OF MEN WEARING MONEY BELTS THAT BUY MISTRESSES SLEEK ANIMAL PELTS.
TOO MANY PUPPIES.

TOO MANY PUPPIES WITH GUNS IN THEIR HANDS.
TOO MANY PUPPIES IN FOREIGN LANDS.
ARE DRESSED UP SHARP IN SUIT OF GREEN AND PLACED UPON THE WAR MACHINE.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE JUST LIKE ME.
TOO MANY PUPPIES ARE AFRAID TO SEE.
THE VISIONS OF THE PAST BROUGHT TO LIFE AGAIN.
TOO MANY PUPPIES.
TOO MANY DEAD MEN.

Too many puppies are being shot in the dark.
Too many puppies are trained not to bark.
At the sight of blood that must be spilled so that we may maintain
Our oil fields.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies are taught to heal.
Too many puppies are trained to kill.
On the command of men wearing money belts that buy mistresses
Sleek animal pelts.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Skinny was born in a bathtub
And he grew so incredibly thin
Even the tide from the eyedropper sucked him in
Skinny never knew any questions
Skinny never looked alike
Skinny sold somethin' every single night
Skinny sold a soldier to me
Skinny sold the wife
Skinny sold a suction cup and a knife
Skinny found a hello dolly record in the house.
Sold it to a truck driver in the night.
Too many puppies with guns in their hands.
Too many puppies in foreign lands.
Are dressed up sharp in suits of green and placed upon the war machine.
Too many puppies are just like me.
Too many puppies are afraid to see.
The visions of the past brought to life again,
Too many puppies, too many dead men.

Jerry was a race car driver
And he drove so goddamned fast
He never did win no checkered flag
But he never did come in last
Jerry was a race car driver
He'd say "El solo number one"
With a bocephus sticker
On his 442 he'd light 'em up
Just for fun
Captain Pierce was a fireman
Richmond engine

I've seen them out at Soco
They're pounding sixteen penny nails
The truckers on the interstate
Have been known to ride the rails
The sweat is beating on the brow
Can't keep these fellas down
'Cause those damned blue-collared tweekers
Are runnin' this here town

I knew a man who hung drywall
He hung it mighty quick
A trip or two to the blue room
Would help him do the trick
His foreman would pat him on the back
Whenever he would come around
'Cause these dammed blue-collar tweekers
Are beloved in this here town

Now the union boys are there
To protect us from all the corporate type
While curious George's drug patrol
Is out here hunting snipe
Now they try to tell me different
But you know I ain't no clown
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
Are the backbone of this town

Now the flame that burns twice as bright
Burns only half as long
My eyes are growing weary
As I finalize this song
So sit back and have a cup o' joe
And watch the wheels go round
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
Have always run this town

Said Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter
may have nestled its way into his mighty throat.
Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank down
the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine.
Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator.
Tommy the cat had many a story to tell,
But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did.
She came slidin' down the alleyway like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit.
The aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in even the
oldest of Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days.
The sight was beyond belief.
Many a head snapped for double - even triple - takes as this vivacious
feline made her her way into the delta of the alleyway where the most
virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out.
They hung in droves. Such a multitude of masculinity could only be
found in one place...
And that was O'malley's Alley.
The air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended),
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch as she sauntered up into
the heart of the alleyway.
She knew what she wanted.
She was lookin' for that stud bull, the he cat.
And that was me.
Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee...
Say baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby do you wanna lay down by my side
Ah baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby?...Say baby

My name is Mud
Not to be confused with Bill or Jack or Pete or Dennis
My name is mud and it's always been
'Cause I'm the most boring sons-a-bitch you've ever seen
I dress in blue-yes navy blue
)From head to toe I'm rather drab except my patent shoes
I make 'em shine, well most the time
'Cept today my feet are troddin' on by this friend of mine
Six foort two and rude as hell
I got to get him in the ground before he starts to smell
My name is Mud

My name is Mud, but call me Alowishus Devadander Abercrombie
That's long for Mud so I've been told
Told that by this sonsabitch that lies before me bloated blue and cold
I've got my pride, I drink my wine
I'd drink the finest except I haven't earned a dime in several months
Or were it years
The breath on that fat bastard could bring any man to tears
We had our words, a common spat
So I kissed him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat
My name is Mud

Hello Mr. Krinkle
How are you today?
Seems the rumors are about your team might move away
Now, me I'm sentimental
But I'm not one to cry

Say there Mr. Krinkle let's cruise the Bastard boat
Damn then sonsabitches with their gill-nets set afloat
I flip on my tele and I watch the waters die
C'mon Mr. Krinkle tell me why

Hey ho Mr. Krinkle have you heard the brand new sound
It's a cross between Jimi Hendrix
Bocephus, Cher and James Brown
It's called "Heavy Hometown"
New Wave, cold-filtered, low-calorie dry
C'mon Mr. Krinkle tell me why

I've been to hell. I spell it, I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
Stood there and I've waited and choked back the urge to scream
And if I had my druthers I'd screw a chimpanzee-call it pointless

When I need relief I spell it THC
perhaps you may know vaguely what I mean
I sit back and smoke away huge chunks of memory
As I slowly inflict upon myself a full lobotomy-call it pointless

Barbecues, tea kettles, gobs of axle grease
There comes a time for every man to sail the seas of cheese
Now, life's a bowl of bagel dogs, but there are unpleasantries
Cold toilet seats, dentist chairs and trips to DMV-call it pointless

I've been to hell. I spell it, I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
I've stood in line and waited near an hour and fifteen
And if I had my druthers I'd screw that chimpanzee-call it pointless

They headed southward from San Francisco,
To be with Chuckles and the others.
With electric in the air and peroxide in their hair,
They looked like golden brothers.
They drove a Datsun, an automatic,
The radio blaring static,
He made a face into the light
and burst out laughing at the sight.
The hysteria ensuing would dominate the night.
From all the candy, the seats were sticky,
As they were drawn into the grapevine.
Then "Introduce Yourself" came on
as they barreled through the fog.
The demon puffing madly on a mentholated log.
They were tired, they were sleepy,
So they parked behind the Roxy.
Adam left to use the phone, so he sat there all alone,
When Adam's voice come beaming through on the radio,
He started laughing...

Wynona's got herself a big brown beaver
And she shows him off to all her friends
One day, you know, that beaver tried to leave her,
So she caged him up with cyclone fence

Along came Lou with the old baboon
And said "Recognize that smell?
Smells like seven layers,
That beaver eats Taco Bell"
(Come on)

Now Rex was a Texan out of New Orleans
And he travelled with the carnival shows
He ran bumper cars, sucked cheap cigars
And he candied up his nose

He got wind of the big brown beaver
So he though he'd take himself a peek,
But the beaver was quick
And grabbed him by the kiwis
And he ain't pissed for a week
(And a half!)

Now Wynona took her big brown beaver
And she stuck him up in the air
Said "I sure do love this big brown beaver
And I wish I did have a pair"

Now the beaver once slept for seven days
And it gave us all an awful fright
So I tickled his chin and I gave him a pinch
And the bastard tried to bite me

Wynona loved her big brown beaver
And she stroked him all the time
She pricked her finger one day and it
Occurred to her she might have a porcupine
(Come on)

Quite a surprise
What an ingenious device
Boredom encompasses my time
I don't know what I should do

Indulging a moment of your time
Seldom the breeder of lies
But you won't believe that it's true
They take to the sky

Southbound Pachyderm

Pinholes through cardboard
At the Sun
Passing the bucks by one by one
Leaving nothing in return

Watching the majest blow past
Speculating which will be the last
Savoring my piece of pie

And there is no reprise
They're filling the sky
Southbound Pachyderm

They broke out in laughter again
His lip beaded with sweat as they strapped him in
And he stood by and waited to be called

The talk was of times that'd gone by
And the quantity and quality of women they lie
His eyes welled with wet and his mouth had gone dry

As he stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited like the others before
For his turn to go over the falls

He got up and tried it again
For lack of persistence is surely a sin
As he stood by and waited to be called

He looked to the lightning with glee
And admired his vessel for it's symmetry
Feeling twelve units shy of a bachelor's degree

As he stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited like the others before
For his turn to go over the falls

There's a time for lies
And a time for truth
I say, eye for an eye
Eye for a tooth

When I roamed young
I'd scavenge around
Every nook and cranny
Of our little town

It's nice, so nice, to be

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
SHAKE HANDS WITH BEEF

She's so fine
She's so sweet
Mom and Pop they raised her
On huge slabs of meat

She's fine

A man of nine
Water derby day
Twenty six pumps
On a Crossman
And it's time to play

It's nice, so nice, to be

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
SHAKE HANDS WITH BEEF

He wasn't lookin' for fanfare or fame
but it all came around just the same.
He then met a girl with desire in her eye,
he gave her love, she took his name.

The times they were good, the times they were bad,
most times it was just in between.
The hard pill he swallowed was the times that they had,
she put on display for all to be seen.

Some find their solace in work or the lord,
she was quite content in her dream.
When his eyes they burned from the bright lime light,
he found comfort in the bottle of Ol' Jimmy Beam.

One day from the depths of his deep darkened hole,
he reached out for something to feel.
She offered back nothin' but lack of respect
so he left himself out with two barrels of steel.

She cried in the day, she cried in the night.
She cried loudest when someone was near.
Whether crying for him or she cried for herself,
the bigger the camera, the bigger the tear.

Most folks agree that she was living a hell
and publicly she showed her pain.
And never once was there a thought for herself,
and the ever-growing slices of fortune and fame.

Now on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride
on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride.
On the coattails of a dead man she'll ride she'll ride,
on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride she'll ride high.

I once had an icecube
Purty little icecube
Now it's gone
Now it's gone

Her name was Mary
Purty little ice cube
Now she's gone
Now she's gone

She was so shiny,
My purty little icecube
Now she's gone
Where she gone?
She's gone with the others
The shiny little icecubes
Movin' on. Movin' on.

She's gone
Doesn't nothin' ever last forever?

I miss my icecube
Purty little icecube
Since she's withdrawn

I held her in my hand
My chilly little icecube
Was it wrong? Was it wrong?

She slipped away
My moist little icecube
To oblivion, oblivion

She left me standing
With tears on my face
On the lawn
So I wrote this song

Purty little icecube
Where have you gone?

Doesn't nothing ever last forever?

Now she's gone
Nothing ever lasts forever

Doesn't nothing ever last forever?

It's been declared
That it's not wise
To prize something too much
I just wish to find something to
Flaunt the right to
Touch so gently

Doesn't nothing ever last forever?

Fellow colleagues,distinguished members of the press,ladies and gentlemen.
I would like to take this opportunity to personally and humbly thank each and
every one of you for joining us at this particular event.
It is my hope that we can utilize this meeting of the minds,to successfully
convey the essence of our platform to you,and grand and noble audience.

As I look out among the faces,I reflect.
Taking console in the words of Franklin Delano Roosevelt who said,
"We have nothing to fear,but fear itself."

Paranoia is a disease unto itself,and may I add,the person standing next to
you may not be who they appear to be,so take precautions.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste,this is true.
Many a young person has fallen prey to the substances that alter the
perspective of any right thinking individual.
The problem with the youth today is because of their inexperience with the
world.
They cannot attempt to grasp the ideals set fourth by myself and those who
proceded me.
But,has history has shown,they will come around and embrace our philosophies
and become model citizens in their own right,God bless this great nation

They found James Ambrose dead in his cell
A gaping gash in his arm had drained him down to Hell
No one knew for sure in Ambrose was his name
They called him Yankee Sullivan in early days of fame

He'd known the game of fisticuffs had always treated him right
But no one knew the men who came and took his life that night

He'd spent some time in Botany Bay atoning for his sins
He fought a bout with Hammer Lane and took a tainted win
He was the hero of the Bowery, a prince of lawless times
Then was battered by the "Butcherman" in 1849

He knew the game of fisticuffs, he knew the game of might
But no one knew the men who came and took his life one night

He knew the game of fisticuffs

Lilly and McCoy were shy of a hundred and forty pounds
In 1842 they went a hundred and eighteen rounds
They begged McCoy to cash it in, he said that he would not
Got up and fought one more round then died right on the spot

He knew the game of fisticuffs, he knew the game of fight
But no one knew the game would come and take his life that night

He was a might golden boy, as gold as ever seen
But when he stepped up to the podium, you could tell that boy was mean

His arms was made of nickel, and his forehead made of wood
An affidavit from the principal says, "This boy just ain't no good"

He stood before the union, and he made a solemn oath
Uphold the purity of his creed, the others he would toast
He worked nights at the liquor mart, and he drank to pad his pay
When caught him liftin' 40's, he shot a boy last May

His Momma asked why?

His lawyer in the courtroom, made a noble plea
And the judge he gave him eighteen months, but he was out in three
When asked if he ever felt remorse while sittin' up in that pen
He said "Hell no, ya know a thief's a thief
And I'd shoot the that fucker again"

They broke out in laughter again
His lip beaded with sweat as they strapped him in
And he stood by and waited to be called

The talk was of times that'd gone by
And the quantity and quality of women they lie
His eyes welled with wet and his mouth had gone dry

As he stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited like the others before
For his turn to go over the falls

He got up and tried it again
For lack of persistence is surely a sin
As he stood by and waited to be called

He looked to the lightning with glee
And admired his vessel for it's symmetry
Feeling twelve units shy of a bachelor's degree

As he stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited like the others before
For his turn to go over the falls

There's a time for lies
And a time for truth
I say, eye for an eye
Eye for a tooth

When I roamed young
I'd scavenge around
Every nook and cranny
Of our little town

It's nice, so nice, to be

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
SHAKE HANDS WITH BEEF

She's so fine
She's so sweet
Mom and Pop they raised her
On huge slabs of meat

She's fine

A man of nine
Water derby day
Twenty six pumps
On a Crossman
And it's time to play

It's nice, so nice, to be

Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
SHAKE HANDS WITH BEEF

He's standin' tall at 5 foot 4
With the sharpness of a troubadour
I dare you look him in the eye
His stench would make a buzzard cry
He likes Burt in White Lightning

Camelback Cinema

In the dark she sat and wait
For her steady random date
Reflecting back to a time
When eager boys would stand in line
She likes Burt in White Lightning

He's standin' tall at 5 foot 4
Lurking in the corridor
He came to buy his weekly whore
At Camelback Cinema

When I was born, the doc he held me by my ankles
Smacked my red behind
They hosed me down, wrapped me like a bean burrito
Then marked the date and time

Hats off, to the ones that string the beads together
And keep the ducks in line
Hats off to all the ones that stood before me
And taught a fool to rhyme

At thirteen, I made myself a motion picture
Out of lumps of clay
At fourteen, I pulled some weeds and bought a four string
Taught myself to play
At seventeen, I'd get naked with a beauty queen
At the Hot Tub Zone
At nineteen, she was livin' hard and snortin' drugs
That decayed her bones

Hats off to the ones that put it all together
And keep their ducks in line
Hats off to all the ones that erred before me
And taught me how to survive

Pass the pen there Billy Bob, I'll write us up a song.
Or perhaps I'll pen a sonnet, if the melody sits all wrong.
Hand me down a crayon, and I'll draw a mighty oak.
'Cause of all my brother Masons, I'm the quickest with a joke.

Catch me in the right light, you'll see my shapes shaped to please.
And if I shank my trousers down, I'm hung just above the knees.

You may have difficulty catchin' breath, when you hear my weighty name.
I'm the one that told you, told you so, they calls me Puddin' Taine.

Now step on up to dance the dance, and touch the hand that heals.
Like the tallest hog on Wall street, I'm a wheelin' all the deals.

They'll carve my face in marble, they'll etch my name in stone.
They'll paint my noble portrait, and historify my home.

You may have difficulty catchin' breath, when you hear my weighty name.
I'm the one that told you, told you so, they calls me Puddin' Taine.

Glad you came, glad you're here.
Have some champagne, imported beer.
Dig down in your dirt bag
and roll us out a spleef.
Been erect here now for thirteen days
and I came to get relief
at Bob's Party Time.
Pack my nose with cocaine
feed my filthy hole.
Bust out the dancin' women
I'm prone to lose control.
And if by chance I fall down
and bust my head on the floor,
just wrap my wound in a porterhouse steak
and point me towards the shore.
At Bob's Party Time.

Burnin', I feel a burnin' in my stomach
I wanna know if I'm a gonna make it
If I don't just spread my ashes
If I do just spread you mind

Swimmin', I see myself a treadin' water
I see no signs of any other people
There's a heron up above me
I lay back and spread my mind

Duchess, she used to be a movie maker
She used to like to watch the boys watch her
And she saved enough money
To go to Cal and spread her mind

Billy used to follow the Dead with Arnie
And they made a hundred thousand dollars
But ended up in federal prison
Twenty years for spreading minds

Came up on a worried man, asked him if he had a light.
He reached on down, dug in his shoe, figured in his sock he might.
He asked if he could come and join, at what we was partakin' in.
I says,"Ol' soul if you got a match, you also got yourself a friend".

The smoke drew hard but laid in good, the neon gave us extra shine.
We passed around a flask of Knockando, and a half litre bottle of wine.
The worried man dropped down to his knees, and let out with a somber groan.
He looked up to me and when I asked, he said,"I'm just restin' my bones".

I looked down at him, and him up at me, then a smile rose above his chin.
He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me down, said," Listen to me now my friend".
When I was your age I did it all, more than many men could do,
now my possessions are the ones I wear on my back, and this lighter I keep in my shoe.

That's why I'm restin' my bones.

I'm restin' my bones for the times I fell, fell and hit myself on the ground.
Restin' my bones for the loneliness, of being the only genius around.
I'm restin' my bones for prosperity, in hopes that it'll do me some good.
I'm restin' bones from amphetamines, see they turned teeth to balsa wood.
I'm restin' bones for Johnny Cash, 'cause for me and mine he's wearin' black.
I'll be restin' my bones for Elvis, I seen him last week at the track.
If I'm restin' bones and you come along, just try and tippy toe on by.
'cause when I'm restin' bones I hope to sleep, and maybe slip away and die.

I went down to Coddingtown
To buy for Lucky Dog
Moved on up to Sono-co
To clear my head of smog
People 'round town they all line up
To buy them Chevrolets
But me I talked to the Mopar man
Been talkin' now for days

I went down to Coddingtown
It seemed the thing to do
You can get it all down there
From tennis balls to glue
Standin' up in the ol' smoke shop
Met a girl named Honey Pie
If you shamble long enough
You wanna go, you gotta go

Bring me on back

Lordy, Lordy, Coddigntown
That's the place to be
Lordy, Lordy, Coddingtown
That's the place for me

I went down to Coddingtown
And met old Santy Claus
Beanie Boy got a hold of that beard
Nearly yanked it from his jaws
I stepped on up to the pizza man
And gobbled down some filth
I shambled 'round now too damn long
I wanna go, I gotta go

Bring me on back

Lordy, Lordy, Coddingtown
That's the place to be
Lordy, Lordy, Coddingtown
That's the place for me

A B C D E F G H I gotta gal wears her toenails long
Drives a red Barracude, singin' meat packer songs
And she ain't from Kalamazoo

A B C D E F G H I gotta 'friend lived in a Mercedes-Benz
Then a '55 Chrysler where the trunk never ends
And the plates say Kalamazoo

He had a steady job and watched what he spent
He'd say I don't believe in payin' no goddamn rent
I'll squirrel away every goddamn cent
And buy my own damn house in Kalamazoo

She turned to the world with a bastard child
Said, "I just can't handle him he's too damn wild'
But the years and the liquor have made him mild
And he lays around Kalamazoo

There was this kid in our neighborhood
His Pop had named him Renegade
He lived up to his name
With all the trouble that he made

One day ol' Renegade
Snuck into the Park Theater downtown
For a laugh he set fire to the screen
Burnt the whole damn place to the ground

He thought that no one would mind
He did that sort of thing all the time
But his Pop was waitin' for him

At age fifteen Renegade
Stole a tow truck from Arnie's Shell
Drove it through the front of a hardware store
Spent the night in a county jail

He didn't seem to mind a bit
He liked the attention he would get

The man he stepped up to the microphone and he gave it a kiss, it was a big wet, slippery kiss
And he had sweat dripping off of his nose onto the windscreen
As he looked out over the audience he said, "God bless you, God bless you one and all"
The he took a can of Ronson lighter fluid and he squirted it over the top of his head
And proceeded to light himself on fire
As he stood there glowing and said, "Remember this day"

Snipping, snipping, snipping goes the scissor man
Putting end to evil doers games
Snipping, snipping, snipping goes the scissor man
Maybe you are in his book of names
Maybe you are in his book of names

So be kind and helpful to your mother
Just think twice before you try and steal
When he cuts with sticky silver snippers
You may find the wounds will never heal

All self made bad boys
If you refuse to believe he exist
You won't be frightened when you find out
You're on his list
You're on his list
You're on his list

So be good and never poison people
Just think twice before the deed is done
When you wake up guilty in the morning
You may find important pieces gone

Suffocated by mirrors, stained by dreams
Her honey belly pulls the seams
Curves are still upon the hinge
Pale zeros tinge the tiger skin

Moist as grass, ripe and heavy as the night
The sponge is full, well out of sight
All around the conversations
Icing on the warm flesh cake

Light creeps through her secret tunnels
Sucked into the open spaces
Burning out in sudden flashes
Draining blood from well-fed faces

Desires form in subtle whispers
Flex the muscles in denial
Up and down its pristine cage
So the music, so the trial

Vows of sacrifice, headless chickens
Dance in circles, they the blessed
Man and wife, undressed by all
Their grafted trunks in heat possessed

Even as the soft skins tingle
They mingle with the homeless mother
Who loves the day but lives another
That once was hers

The worried father, long lost lover
Brushes ashes with his broom
Rehearses jokes to fly and hover
Bursting over the bride and groom

And the talk goes on

Memories crash on tireless waves
The lifeguards whom the winter saves

Silence falls the guillotine
All the doors are shut
Nervous hands grip tight the knife
In the darkness, till the cake is cut
Passed around, in little pieces
The body and the flesh
The family and the fishing-net
And another in the mesh

The body and the flesh

Amos Moses was a Cajun.
And lived by himself in the swamp
Hunting alligator for a living.
Knock 'em on the head with a stump
The Louisiana law's gonna get you, Amos
It ain't legal hunting alligator down in the swamp, boy

Now everybody blamed his old man
for raising him mean as a snake
When Amos Moses was a boy,
his Daddy would use him as alligator bait
Tie a rope around his waist,
throw him in the swamp
Alligator bait on the Louisiana bayou

Just about 45 minutes
southeast of Tipidow, Louisiana
There lived a man called Duck Bill Sam
and his pretty wife Hannah
They raised up a son that could
eat up his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth.
They called him Amos Moses

Now folks in South Louisiana
said Amos was a helluva man
He could trap the biggest, meanest alligator.
He only had to use one hand
That's all he got left
'cause the alligator bit him. Ha ha!
Left arm gone clean up to the elbow

Just about 45 minutes
southeast of Tipidow, Louisiana
There lived a man called Duck Bill Sam
and his pretty wife Hannah
They raised up a son that could
eat up his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth.
They called him Amos Moses

Here comes Amos
And you should have seen his pretty wife, Hannah

Well, the Sheriff got wind that
Amos was in the swamp hunting alligator skin
So he hid in the swamp, "I'm gonna get you boy."
He never did come out again.

Well, I wonder where the Louisiana Sheriff went to?
Sure can get lost in the Louisiana bayou (3X)

Too many puppies are being shot in the dark.
Too many puppies are trained not to bark.
At the sight of blood that must be spilled so that we may maintain
Our oil fields.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies are taught to heal.
Too many puppies are trained to kill.
On the command of men wearing money belts that buy mistresses
Sleek animal pelts.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies.
Skinny was born in a bathtub
And he grew so incredibly thin
Even the tide from the eyedropper sucked him in
Skinny never knew any questions
Skinny never looked alike
Skinny sold somethin' every single night
Skinny sold a soldier to me
Skinny sold the wife
Skinny sold a suction cup and a knife
Skinny found a hello dolly record in the house.
Sold it to a truck driver in the night.
Too many puppies with guns in their hands.
Too many puppies in foreign lands.
Are dressed up sharp in suits of green and placed upon the war machine.
Too many puppies are just like me.
Too many puppies are afraid to see.
The visions of the past brought to life again,
Too many puppies, too many dead men.

Messenger of Fear in sight
Dark deception kills the light

Hybrid children watch the sea
Pray for Father, roaming free

fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
great Old One
forbidden site
He searches
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell

Crawling Chaos, underground
cult has summoned, twisted sound

Out from ruins once possessed
fallen city, living death

fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
timeless sleep
has been upset
He awakens
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell
Not dead which eternal lie
stranger eons Death may die

drain you of your sanity
face The Thing That Should Not Be

fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
timeless sleep
has been upset
He awakens
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell

Said Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter
may have nestled its way into his mighty throat.
Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank down
the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine.
Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator.
Tommy the cat had many a story to tell,
But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did.
She came slidin' down the alleyway like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit.
The aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in even the
oldest of Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days.
The sight was beyond belief.
Many a head snapped for double - even triple - takes as this vivacious
feline made her her way into the delta of the alleyway where the most
virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out.
They hung in droves. Such a multitude of masculinity could only be
found in one place...
And that was O'malley's Alley.
The air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended),
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch as she sauntered up into
the heart of the alleyway.
She knew what she wanted.
She was lookin' for that stud bull, the he cat.
And that was me.
Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee...
Say baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby do you wanna lay down by my side
Ah baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby?...Say baby

Glad you came, glad you're here.
Have some champagne, imported beer.
Dig down in your dirt bag
and roll us out a spleef.
Been erect here now for thirteen days
and I came to get relief
at Bob's Party Time.
Pack my nose with cocaine
feed my filthy hole.
Bust out the dancin' women
I'm prone to lose control.
And if by chance I fall down
and bust my head on the floor,
just wrap my wound in a porterhouse steak
and point me towards the shore.
At Bob's Party Time.

I am the plan, I am the man
who tells you what and when you can.
I'm the old one that torments you.
I am the voice that tells you to:

"Don't get caught with your fingers in my pie.
Mess with me and boy you're surely gonna' die.
If ever you're in doubt about who or where I am.
I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere.
I am your Uncle Sam."

Electric Uncle Sam

You beg me please on bended knees
not to sit among these enemies.
If you feel like you wanna dance
then step aside and take a chance.

"Don't get caught with your fingers in my pie.
Mess with me and boy you're surely gonna' die.
If ever you're in doubt about who or where I am.
I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere.
I am your Uncle Sam."

Electric Uncle Sam

There's a boy out 'luma way named Joe Eugene.
He's one mellow ass son of a bitch-a.

He loves his wheat grass and cold bean curd.
He's one healthy ass sone of a bitch-a.

But late at night he sneaks on down to the liquor store
for a bottle of sheep dip.

Natural Joe,
got an easy flow.
Whereever he goes
they say "here comes Joe."

Joe, he's a happy Man and he won't do you wrong.
He's one respectable son of a bitch-a.

Now Joe ain't no patriarch,
but he's smooth with the girls.
He ain't no cahuvinistic sone of a bitch-a.

But late at night he sneaks on down to the porno store
for a little bit of ...

Nature Joe,
he's hanging low.
Whereever he goes
they say "here comes Joe."

There's a boy out 'luma way named Joe Eugene.
He's one mellow ass son of a bitch-a.

He don't like firearms; he don't own knives.
He's one pacifistic sone of a bitch-a.

But late at night he eases on down to the video store
for a little bit of ...

Natural Joe,
got an easy flow.
Whereever he goes
they say "here comes Joe."

Natural Joe,
looking slow and low.
Look there he goes.
Go Natural Joe.

Sometimes bored and sometimes lonely
Pimple faced and rather homely
He wasn't much for socializin'
The TV kept a mesmerizin'

In one ear and out the other
Picked up a trick from his older brother
Got him a can of sniffin' sauce
Pinned his mind up on a cross

Lacquer head knows but one desire
Lacquer head sets his skull on fire
Lacquer head knows no in betweens
Huffin' on bags of gasoline

Sniffin' paint since the seventh grade
She was high on gin and gatorade
On turpentine she lost her luck
Fell in front of a speeding pick-up truck

He was a boy of soft demeanor
And he loved his carburetor cleaner
The vapor made a sweet aroma
He sniffed himself into a coma

Lacquer head feeds his one desire
Lacquer head sets his brain on fire
Lacquer head knows no in betweens
Huffin' on bags of gasoline

Keep on sniffin' till yer brain goes pop

The Earth it did crack open
on the day that I was born
and a thousand merry pranksters
came dancin' through the storm.

I lay cradle bound
a howlin' out my mind
not knowin' years to come
I'd be shoutin' over din

I sucked information through the holes in my skull
as my belly gurgles hungry my mouth is always full.

I am Antipop; I'll run against the grain till the day I drop.
I am the Antipop; the man you cannot stop.

As a young man,
I plug into the tube,
but the stench of all that pretense
I cannot muddle through.

I lay on my back
and scan the radio
all that comes out my speakers
is a steady syrup flow.

I suck information through the holes in my skull
as my belly gurgles hungry my mouth is always full.

I stood by watching
and I seen 'em come and go.
I seen 'em make that million
then vanish in the snow.

They come upon you
like a pack of rabid hounds
as they slobber in your ears
and purge you with their sounds.

Pushing misinformation through the holes in my skull
my belly gurgles nauseous and still my mouth is full.

I am Antipop; I'll run against the grain till the day I drop.
I am the Antipop; the man you cannot stop.

Part I - Blinded by the Sun

Bring me back again,
I'd really rather not be out here on my own.
Someone reel me in,
I'm drifting ever farther from my home.

I remember when I was a baby
gazing in amazement at the sky.
Sing it twinkle twinkle little baby
daddy's gonna learn you to fly...

high...

like a coment through the sky.

Bring me back again,
I'd really rather not be out here on my own.
I'm drifting with the wind,
trying to hold the course that I've been shown.

I remember when I was a baby
staring in amazement at the sun.
Better shield your eyes now little baby
no one ever said you were the one;
no one ever said you were the one
who can't be blinded by the sun.
I think I'm blinded by the sun.

Part II - Sanity is Coming to Town

I like to taunt, I like to tease.
I'll bring your psyche to its knees.
Juggling.
Sanity is coming to your town.

Who gives a damn what you say,
you're pissing all your dreams away.
Juggling.
Sanity is coming to your town.

Part III - Pressing Onward Towards the Light

Pressing onward through the night.
Pressing onward towards the light.

Slice me up a big slab of that sympathetic cheer.
If I'm zapped with radiation they say I'll last another year.

Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow.

My hands are full of protein, my arms are made of fire.
If you're calling me a diplomat, I'll be calling you a liar.

Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow.
Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow.

The best of times, the worst of times,
the times you can't ignore.
Sometimes you bite the bullet
and flip flop on the floor.

They tell you where to go,
and they tell you what to do.
They set your face on fire
then stomp it out with their shoes.

I ain't no fool.
Mama didn't raise no fool.

The times I can't complain
are the times I do the most.
On a diet of black coffee
and prozac buttered toast.

These eunuchs in their prada
and Gucci flavored clothes.
Wouldn't know a fresh perspective
if it bit 'em up on the nose.

I ain't no fool.
Mama didn't raise no fool.

Don't do as they say,
just say as they do.
No flavor's quite so bitter
as the taste of one's own shoe.

I ain't no fool.
Mama didn't raise no fool.

I'm a dog, a dirty flying dog.
I drink Campari with marinated wild hog.
I've no sense, I like electric fence.
I put barbed wire in my pants and do a celtic dance.

But when I can, I'm a giving man.
I'll flip you out the fire and back up into the frying pan.

And if you're down looking like you're gonna drown.
Of all your friends I'm the one who's most apt to stick around.

I'm a drowning man.
Who will save this drowning man.
Who will save this drowning man.
Who will save this dirty drowning man.

You're so fine, so bright and shiney fine.
And I'm so proud to say that you in fact are a friend of mine.
And doubly pleased with crooked wobbly knees.
I dive on in and backstroke right across these seas of cheese.

But on the times when I'm not such a giving man.
Please flip me out of the fire and backup into the frying pan.

And if you're down looking like you're gonna drown.
Of all your friends I'm the one who's most apt to stick around.

I'm a drowning man.
Who will save this drowning man.
Who will save this drowning man.
Who will save this dirty drowning man.

Military show is Blastin' off to Kosovo.
Military show with lightning speed.
Sensitivity? Oh, just a rusty nail in the corporate show.
How many stabs before we bleed?

Those Pinocchios chattering out in stereo,
boy Pinnocchio and his golden deed.
Masculinity? Oh, galvanized in the world wide show
as we fertilise the seed.

Power mad, I didn't chop the tree down dad
I only try to do what's right.
Power man, the best friend that you ever had
unless of course you choose to fight.

Power mad, driving out of the shadows,
he never tires when he plays.
Power mad, he's a streak in the night time
speculating how he'll take on the world some day.

Originality? Oh, just a rusty nail in a Broadway show
how many stabs before we succeed.

Power mad, I didn't drop my pants down dad,
I know my left hand from my right.
Power man, the best friend that you ever had
unless of course you lose the fight.

I been fightin' gravity since I was two.

Questers of the prize
blind men int he snow.
Some streak the skies
I choose to go below.

Skin moves towards malignant
worshipping the sun.
They clamber over corpses
to be the chosen ones.

Drift along liquid sky.

Descending through the darkness
to the vast terrain.
Down here on the bottom
you rarely hear the rain.

Drift along liquid sky.

He wasn't lookin' for fanfare or fame
but it all came around just the same.
He then met a girl with desire in her eye,
he gave her love, she took his name.

The times they were good, the times they were bad,
most times it was just in between.
The hard pill he swallowed was the times that they had,
she put on display for all to be seen.

Some find their solace in work or the lord,
she was quite content in her dream.
When his eyes they burned from the bright lime light,
he found comfort in the bottle of Ol' Jimmy Beam.

One day from the depths of his deep darkened hole,
he reached out for something to feel.
She offered back nothin' but lack of respect
so he left himself out with two barrels of steel.

She cried in the day, she cried in the night.
She cried loudest when someone was near.
Whether crying for him or she cried for herself,
the bigger the camera, the bigger the tear.

Most folks agree that she was living a hell
and publicly she showed her pain.
And never once was there a thought for herself,
and the ever-growing slices of fortune and fame.

Now on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride
on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride.
On the coattails of a dead man she'll ride she'll ride,
on the coattails of a dead man she'll ride she'll ride high.

Sometimes bored and sometimes lonely Pimple faced and rather homely He wasn't much for socializin' The TV kept a mesmerizin'

In one ear and out the other Picked up a trick from his older brother Got him a can of sniffin' sauce Pinned his mind up on a cross

Lacquer head knows but one desire Lacquer head sets his skull on fire Lacquer head knows no in betweens Huffin' on bags of gasoline

Sniffin' paint since the seventh grade She was high on gin and gatorade On turpentine she lost her luck Fell in front of a speeding pick-up truck

He was a boy of soft demeanor And he loved his carburetor cleaner The vapor made a sweet aroma He sniffed himself into a coma

Lacquer head feeds his one desire Lacquer head sets his brain on fire Lacquer head knows no in betweens Huffin' on bags of gasoline

Keep on sniffin' till yer brain goes pop

My name is Mud
Not to be confused with Bill or Jack or Pete or Dennis
My name is mud and it's always been
'Cause I'm the most boring sons-a-bitch you've ever seen
I dress in blue-yes navy blue
From head to toe I'm rather drab except my patent shoes
I make 'em shine, well most the time
'Cept today my feet are troddin' on by this friend of mine
Six foort two and rude as hell
I got to get him in the ground before he starts to smell
My name is Mud

My name is Mud, but call me Alowishus Devadander Abercrombie
That's long for Mud so I've been told
Told that by this sonsabitch that lies before me bloated blue and cold
I've got my pride, I drink my wine
I'd drink only the finest except I haven't earned a dime in several months
Or were it years
The breath on that fat bastard could bring any man to tears
We had our words, a common spat
So I kissed him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat
My name is Mud

When the going gets tough
And the stomach acids flow.
The cold wind of conformity
Is nippin' at your nose
When some trendy new atrocity
Has brought you to your knees
Come with us we'll sail the
Seas of Cheese

Here they come
Here come the bastards
I heard it from a confident -
Who heard it form a confidant
They're definately on their way
There's one with this idea
Something about a hammer head shark
Nosehairs and flatus
Best keep your distance because
Here they come here come the bastards
Bury your head deep in the sand
Anonyminity is a virtue in this day and age
Amazing hand dexterity
Flagrant misuse of security
Better run, run, run, run, run
Run Run Run Run, here they come.

I'm gonna teach you how to play the game
of warfare
Suddenly it appears to me
You got a bit much dignity
For your own good, boy
Yes sir, yes sir.

I will rape your personality
Pummel you with my own philosophy
Strip you of your self-integrity
To make you all a bit like me
I said right, left

Sgt. Baker here again
And if you calls me "puddin Tame"
I'll stomp you down, boy
Steers and Queers
Steers and Queers where you come
>From there's just steers and queers
And you ain't got no horns, boy
Yes sir, yes sir

I will rape your personality
Pummel you with my own philosophy
Strip you of your self-integrity
To make you all a bit like me
I said right, left

In a town in southernmost Sicily
Lived a family too proud to be poor
In the year that fever took father away
They hastened for American shores
Now a mother and her son are standing in line
It's a cold day on Ellis Isle
And they look to the Statue of Liberty
For the boy we have American Life

Ong is a Laotian refugee
He works in the audio trade
The smoke from flux is filling his lungs
He's earning minimum wage
Spending spare time down on
San Pablo ave
Once a week gets a woman for the night
And he writes home tales of prosperity
For the boy we have American Life

Bob is an unemployed veteran
Born and bred in the South Bronx
He's living off the streets down in east L.A.
Residing in a cardboard box
Now he plays a little quit and he has a small dog
Searching for aluminum cans
And he hold on tight to his dignity
He was born into American Life

Jerry was a race car driver
And he drove so goddamned fast
He never did win no checkered flag
But he never did come in last
Jerry was a race car driver
He'd say "El solo number one"
With a bocephus sticker
On his 442 he'd light 'em up
Just for fun
Captain Pierce was a fireman
Richmond engine

I just can't seem to blend
Into society
I have no hope for this dim
Simplicity of law and order
By whose rules I see no rhyme in
the reason
I hold no hope for this holy treason
Of love and so soft
By whose standards
They tell me, they tell me
Who are they, who is they

Is It Luck?
My socks and shoes always match
Is it Luck?
There's a foot at the end of each of my legs
Is it Luck?
I can play my bass for you
Is it Luck?
Some gals like to kiss my face
Is it Luck? Is it Luck?
There was food inside your mouth today
Is it Luck?
Your barber cuts your hair just so
Is it Luck?
When the taste of sex is on your lips
Is it Luck ? Is it Luck ?
Cyanide works oh so fast
Is it Luck?
Polyester makes you sweat
Is it Luck?
If a graham cracker gets you off
Is it Luck
Love. Love ?
Is it Luck ? Is it Luck
Said she wanted my body, not my mind.
So, I showed her my dictionary to show her
the words that I know, not quite desiring to,
and how loquacious I can be when I set my
mind down to it. But she wasn't impressed.
Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!
She wasn't impressed at all.....She whispered in my ear!!!
She whispered in my ear, and she said: "Do you wanna
get LUCKY, little boy?" Well, I smiled. Smiled and I said.....
Is it Luck ? Is it Luck
Is it Luck ? Is it Luck
Is it Luck ? Is it Luck
Is it Luck ? Is it Luck
Etc..

As I stand here in the shower
Singing Opera and such
Pondering the possibility that I pull the pud too much
There's a scent that fills the air
Is it flatus?
Just a touch
And it makes me think of you

Said Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter
may have nestled its way into his mighty throat.
Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank down
the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine.
Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator.
Tommy the cat had many a story to tell,
But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did.
She came slidin' down the alleyway like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit.
The aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in even the
oldest of Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days.
The sight was beyond belief.
Many a head snapped for double - even triple - takes as this vivacious
feline made her her way into the delta of the alleyway where the most
virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out.
They hung in droves. Such a multitude of masculinity could only be
found in one place...
And that was O'malley's Alley.
The air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended),
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch as she sauntered up into
the heart of the alleyway.
She knew what she wanted.
She was lookin' for that stud bull, the he cat.
And that was me.
Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee...
Say baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby do you wanna lay down by my side
Ah baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby?...Say baby

I've seen them out at Soco
They're pounding sixteen penny nails
The truckers on the interstate
Have been known to ride the rails
The sweat is beating on the brow
Can't keep these fellas down
'Cause those damned blue-collared tweekers
Are runnin' this here town

I knew a man who hung drywall
He hung it mighty quick
A trip or two to the blue room
Would help him do the trick
His foreman would pat him on the back
Whenever he would come around
'Cause these dammed blue-collar tweekers
Are beloved in this here town

Now the union boys are there
To protect us from all the corporate type
While curious George's drug patrol
Is out here hunting snipe
Now they try to tell me different
But you know I ain't no clown
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
Are the backbone of this town

Now the flame that burns twice as bright
Burns only half as long
My eyes are growing weary
As I finalize this song
So sit back and have a cup o' joe
And watch the wheels go round
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
Have always run this town

Felt a pang late one afternoon
I was fishin' off Muir beach
With Larry LeLonde
Grabbed a tuna salad sandwich
And I started to chew
Pretty soon Ler's yellin
Fish on. Fish on

I was just a little pup
And it was derby day
Was dad and me and Darrell
Out in San Pablo bay
Taco flavored Doritos
And my orange life vest
Dad caught a hundred pound sturgeon
On twenty-pound test
Now he fought that fish for an hour
And a half
Darrell'd say Jump ya sons a bitch!
And he grabbed for the gaff
When we got him in the boat
He measured six feet long
I was so danged impressed I had
To write a song called
Fish on

T'was a bright and sunny day
It was me and Todd Huth
Fishin' shark Stingray
Out of Bohuas Lagoon
Well hey, hey, hey I'll be screwed,
Blued and tatooed
Looks like I got me one of them fish on
Fish on.

"You bastards!"

Here they come... (repeat)

"Shut up, you bastards!"
"You just called me a bastard, didn't you?"

My name is Mud
Not to be confused with Bill or Jack or Pete or Dennis
My name is mud and it's always been
'Cause I'm the most boring sons-a-bitch you've ever seen
I dress in blue-yes navy blue
)From head to toe I'm rather drab except my patent shoes
I make 'em shine, well most the time
'Cept today my feet are troddin' on by this friend of mine
Six foort two and rude as hell
I got to get him in the ground before he starts to smell
My name is Mud

My name is Mud, but call me Alowishus Devadander Abercrombie
That's long for Mud so I've been told
Told that by this sonsabitch that lies before me bloated blue and cold
I've got my pride, I drink my wine
I'd drink the finest except I haven't earned a dime in several months
Or were it years
The breath on that fat bastard could bring any man to tears
We had our words, a common spat
So I kissed him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat
My name is Mud

Oh, welcome to this world of fools
Of pink champagne and swimming pools
Well, all you have to lose is your virginity
Perhaps we'll have some fun tonight so stick around and take a bite of life
We don't need feebleness in this proximity

Ask good MacDuff and Donalbain, so many good ideas are slain
By those who would dare not step out of line
But if I have my way tonight and chances are I think I might-
I'll turn those sour minds to grapes of wine

[Chorus]
Welcome to this world

Don't judge the boy by what you hear
The words are heard beyond the ear
The heart and mind are focus for this conversation
But be abound in mystery for that so much you do to me
For there are those who drown in adulation

[Chorus]

If I had a dime for each time that I heard them preach
Well I'd have wicked thoughts upon my brain

I had a friend that took a belt, took a belt and hung himself
Hung himself in the doorway of the apartment where he lived
His woman and his little bro came home from the grocery store
Only to find him dangling in the apartment where he lived

I had a friend who shaved his head
Put his Doctor Martins on
And drew such wondrous pictures in the apartment where he lived
He praised my creativity, though he spoke sarcastically
Oh, the conversations in the apartment where he lived

I had a friend that took a belt, took a belt and hung himself
Hung himself in the doorway of the apartment where he lived
Rock, she thought him spiteful; Ler, he thought him pitiful
Me, I've never been back to the apartment where he lived

I've been to hell. I spell it, I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
Stood there and I've waited and choked back the urge to scream
And if I had my druthers I'd screw a chimpanzee-call it pointless

When I need relief I spell it THC
perhaps you may know vaguely what I mean
I sit back and smoke away huge chunks of memory
As I slowly inflict upon myself a full lobotomy-call it pointless

Barbecues, tea kettles, gobs of axle grease
There comes a time for every man to sail the seas of cheese
Now, life's a bowl of bagel dogs, but there are unpleasantries
Cold toilet seats, dentist chairs and trips to DMV-call it pointless

I've been to hell. I spell it, I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
I've stood in line and waited near an hour and fifteen
And if I had my druthers I'd screw that chimpanzee-call it pointless

The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day
Rooting and sniffing and urging to spawn
In the mud flats of San Pablo Bay

A scent came around so he followed his snout
He found what was to his surprise
A golden morsel, a tidbit, a tight bunch of grass shrimp
Was there right before this buck's eyes

He circle round twice and he took a big whiff
Then sucked up this savory meal
Then came a jolt and to the diamondback's surprise
Through his lips cut the cold, barbed steel

In a panic the old diamondback sped to the north
He sped to the east, west and south
But the harder he swam, he still could not break free
From the "tugging" that pulled at his mouth

The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day

I pull the blinds then I take my clothes off
Dance around the house like nature boy
My genitalia and pectoral muscles aren't quite what I would like them to be
But you don't see me
No one can see me

I pull my blinds
Fill out my income tax form
Pen in hand I write so legibly
I have my kitty.
His name is Allowishus, I stroke him
But you don't see me
No one should see me

I pull the blinds
For the sun glares off my tele and I find it quite so irritating
I have my videos-loads of Ren and Stimpy
Bottom-a bit of pornography
But you don't see me
No one should see me

Now listen up you know ya come home from working that nine to five and
Lay yourself down on burgundy couch, you know, it never really was
Burgundy. It was red, and you painted with the goddamn sprinkler and
Now you have bits and pieces of burgundy stuck to your but every time
You get off of it. You never tell your family, you never tell your
Family because, you know, ol' Junior, he's got no brains, and what can
You do? What can you do? (And old Junior, you know, got a little crazy
With that P.B.J. that one day ??)

[Chorus]
Grab yourself a can of pork soda
You'll be feeling just fine
Ain't nothin' quite like sittin' 'round the house
Swillin' down them Cans of swine

Ha ha ha! Yes, Dad's an idiot alright!

Well, alright, I'm really starting to worry about you. You had to have
That two-car garage with the large driveway so you could park that
Goddamn boat in it. If it wasn't for the boat (blah blah blah)

[Chorus]

I like Kansas wine

Well, maybe it's something simpler, like your team lost or your
Girlfriend used to be a guy, you know, I don't know. I mean (blah blah blah)

By the light of the lamp I sit to type-my notes on tab at my side
I don't see the sun much these days
A fluorescent tan covers my hide
How much impact shall I have this time?
My goal today is to reac the deadline
I write between the lines
I deal with fantasy
I report the facts
Give them to me, please

Ham and egg sald on white bread keeps me company on nights like this
A pack of metholated cigarettes keeps my air nice and thick
When I write, words flow like coins from a candy box
Get out of my way
I've got something to say

The pulse is beating louder now
The cramps in my hands grow more intense with each
Tik, tik, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap on the keys
My social life is at an end so it seems to be
Why don't I trample on your lawn today?
I'll take skies of blue, turn over skies of grey
I write between the lines
I deal with fantasy
I am the pressman
Acknowledge me

Mother always told me never stray too far from home
The little lady said, "Boy, you'll never have to be alone,
Because,"
You build with fountain pen
You create the memory stain
You are the pressman
Stand up straight, boy

Hello Mr. Krinkle
How are you today?
Seems the rumors are about your team might move away
Now, me I'm sentimental
But I'm not one to cry

Say there Mr. Krinkle let's cruise the Bastard boat
Damn then sonsabitches with their gill-nets set afloat
I flip on my tele and I watch the waters die
C'mon Mr. Krinkle tell me why

Hey ho Mr. Krinkle have you heard the brand new sound
It's a cross between Jimi Hendrix
Bocephus, Cher and James Brown
It's called "Heavy Hometown"
New Wave, cold-filtered, low-calorie dry
C'mon Mr. Krinkle tell me why

It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here
The air is getting slipper and it's not to my surprise
My heart, it beats irregularly and the sweat it fills my eyes
I do not mind what I excrete 'cause
I'm here to make a buck
And those that cannot take the heat can take a flying...
Forgive me if I hesitate
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here

The dogs are barking merrily as Jerry sits on high
If you've studied your Floyd property, you'd know that pigs could fly
Now if you want an encore you might hear it is luck
But me, I'd rather play Residents, 'cause I don't give a...
Forgive me if I hesitate
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here

Now, Fatty, he's a hell of a guy but he sweats like a dancing mule
He likes to hang out at Checker Gas with the Chets he knew from high school
He sold enough crystal meth to buy a stepside truck
But if you ask me twice I'd say the boy ain't worth a...
Forgive me if I hesitate
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here

The act of perspiration is far beyond control
If the heat compels to aspirate please try not to miss the bowl
If sweatiness makes you horny, well darlin' I think you're in luck
'Cause all this clever banter gives me the urge to FUCK

It's the guy from the Hamburger Train, mate!

I know something about
opening windows and doors
I know how to move quietly
to creep across creaky wooden floors
I know where to find
precious things in all
your cupboards and drawers
Slipping the clippers
Slipping the clippers
through the telephone wires
The sense of isolation inspires
Inspires me
I like to feel the suspense
when I'm certain you know I am there
I like you lying awake,
your baited breath charging the air
I like the touch and the smell
of all the pretty dresses you wear
Intruders happy in the dark
Intruder come
Intruder come and leave his mark,
leave his mark

We're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs this helping hand
And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work
We're only making plans for Nigel
He has his future in a British steel
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel's whole future is as good as sealed
And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work
Nigel is not outspoken
But he likes to speak
And loves to be spoken to
Nigel is happy in his work
We're only making plans for Nigel

Your life is leaning downhill
Sloping off the outer edge
Your undetermined oyster beds
Were found to be a hedge
You cause the kids of Elmer Fudd
To feed the farmer whose
Cadaver's filled with onion rings
And feet are filled with glue
Now sinister exaggerator
What's your claim to fame?
Is still your favorite Ferlingetti
Found in Auntie Maim?
Your alter life is superceded
Only from above
Your hear is like a silken sponge
That calls saliva love

Come on here, dear boy, have a cigar
You're gonna go far, fly high
You're never gonna die, you're gonna make it if you try;
they're gonna love you
Well I've always had a deep respect
and I mean that most sincerely
The band is just fantastic, that is really what I think
Oh by the way, which one's Pink?
And did we tell you the name of the game, boy,
we call it riding the Gravy Train
We're just knocked out,
We heard about the sell out
You gotta get an album out
You owe it to the people.
We're so happy we can hardly count
Everybody else is just green, have you seen the chart
It's a hell of a start, it could be made into a monster
if we all pull together as a team
And did we tell you the name of the game, boy
we call it Riding the Gravy Train