Arab Strap

The rain woke us up.
You turned round and just did it.
Good morning, slow down.
Have you remembered where you hid it?

You cried in the kitchen.
We made up in the hall.
I watched you get dressed.
Those boots make you too tall.

And we made each other late,
'cause I took my watch off there,
so it wouldn't scratch your skin,
or get tangled in your hair.

It wasn't long ago
we went on guided tours
but I forgot what it meant
to pretend my hand is yours.

It's best in the morning.
When we know it won't be rushed.
So leave the curtains closed
and come back when you've brushed.

We used to do it to ease the tension.
Pretend that sex wasn't our intention.
Even weeks later when they all knew.
It always helped just to have a few.

But now what's the point
if we're not going out?
It only makes you tired.
and makes me shout.

Always the last chance for you and me.
First come apologies, then the plea.
I wash the walls as you pack your stuff.
I've had too much and you've had enough.

So what's the point
when we're not meeting friends?
From midday to morning
on weekdays or weekends.

We could pretend that this never started.
That you're still shy, I'm still broken-hearted.
And we'll get pissed just to watch the telly.
I'll get worked up when you flash your belly.

But what's the point
if we're just staying in?
It's a lot of effort
for one big din.

You used to be part of the scenery
but now I know your name.
And my mind wonders what my hands would do
to make sure that you came.

She hardly said a word again tonight.
I threw a book and grabbed my keys.
And on the way here I swore to myself,
I'd fuck whoever I please.

Everywhere I go,
there's so much on show.
Everyone is beautiful
and I stay dutiful.

The only solid solution is to sever my hands.
Stitch my mouth up and blind me.
Wrap me up and pack me tight.
Leave me somewhere you'll never find me.

Everywhere I go,
there's so much on show.
Everyone is beautiful
but I stay dutiful.

It must just be the sun
and my desire for fun.
If you did it, would you tell us?
I think I'll always be jealous.

If I could always be eighteen.
You could always be eight.
We'd draw monsters on your walls.
I'll keep you up too late.

'Cause getting served in pubs
isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I dreamt you were wee again.
Arms stretched out and pining for me.

Come here so I can help you
tie your brand new tie,
brush your coat and remember
no-one laughs if you cry.

Well fuck me, it's windy.
We picked a good day.
That's the first drink I've ever bought you
and I'm sure you're starting to sway.

You've always thought the first time was that night on the boat,
Ccramped up in the bottom bunk while she slept above.
I suppose it's more glamourous out at sea under the moon.
Instead of pissed at a party while they laughed below.

Twenty-three years of foreplay led up to this.
But sometimes I envy my friends, sometimes I see a world of opportunity.
And what if stays out there anchored in the middle of nowhere.
Maybe we should arrange to meet somewhere, you go out with yours,
I'll go out with mine.

You always thought the first time was on the boat, and you don't even like boats.
When we got one on holiday all you could say was "don't go out too far".
And what if it never comes back, it just stays out there on the sea.
All my favourite memories are of you.
All the best times were with you, but sometimes I see a world of opportunity.

We slept in this morning and she had to get ready in a hurry - no time for her usual attention to detail - and she ran out the door, slamming it behind her, leaving her keys swinging and jangling. I stayed in bed until I heard the downstairs door shut, then peeked through the blinds and as soon as she was out of sight, I went for the keys. She never tried to make a secret of the box or the fact it was locked or even where she kept it. But as I said at the time - "If you've nothing to hide, why hide it?"

It's one of those wee red cashbox things and she keeps it in a drawer by the bed, under some pictures and books. Every key she has is on the same keyring - it took me a while to find the right one. I don't know, I suppose I've had my doubts for a while. There's been hushed phone-calls virtually every night, her friends stop talking when I come in the room and they look at each other, and I don't know, it's just a feeling. Anyway, I eventually found the right key and it fitted perfectly in. I put the box on top of the bed and opened it up...

There were these pictures of friends and ex's, letters, postcards, doodles, nothing bad - and then I found some sort of sex diary and I went to the latest entry. It explicity detailed a recent adventure up the park with a boy she said she had forgotten about...

And it got worse as it went on. The dates never made sense, there were people I had never even heard of. Eventually I had to stop reading it because I started to feel sick. So I put everything back the way I found it, shut the drawer and phoned you. See, I don't know what to do. I keep having fantasies about leaving her dictaphone under the pillow or following her when she goes to work. I've been lying about where I'm going, just in case I can bump into her.

How can nothing ever mean something?
It goes from white to grey so fast.
A new pool on a strange mattress.
Helps me catch up with my past.

Pass me something to wipe with.
We're so easy to please.
Do you worry that it's loaded?
Laced with a million littles me's.

So are you up for the hat-trick
or are you down for a rest?
Is the whitest light between our legs
or hidden in my chest?

And if they see us on the stairs
or if they catch us on the sink.
Move quickly and brush it off
with a giggle and a wink.

At least we know we're fuckable,
at least we're sated and we're tired.
At least the bedroom stinks,
and we know we're desired.

We met on mutual ground
but you avoided my gaze
until I lost your face
in the next morning's haze.

You're shoes could've woken up the whole street.
They drowned out the birds screaming in the trees.
We sat down on the stone stairs
and I watched the scars on your knees.

We met on mutual ground.
You fell out of your dress.
This bar's not open late enough,
so let's go home and make a mess.


They smiled and left the room
to leave us with more space
but we stayed where we were
and just had a drink to the chase.

A good night kiss equals a quick reaction
but it's hard to believe I'm fully grown.
So as usual, we parted on vague terms,
so you could climb back on your thrown.

Haunt me.
I know
you'll keep me
in tow.

No laugh,
no guide,
no limp
beside.

So haunt me
'cause I know
you'll keep me
in tow.

If she's all
I need
to love
and breed.

then haunt me
'cause I'll know
you'll keep me
in tow.

You always jump and quiver
when you're coming in to land
with no runway, no guidance
no nails dug into my hand.

We could have whoever we want.
We could go back to school
and see the dead laugh again.
Let's get dressed up and pull.

The only benefit of drinking.
The downside of what we take.
Some weekends I feel
like I could always be awake.

A party in a strangers house.
Have we ever met the host?
Just smile and keep talking
and get your can for a toast.

We won't always be safe here
but this is where we reign.
Pull it tight to protect us.
We might never sleep again.

You always jump and quiver
When you're coming in to land
With no runway, no guidance
No nails dug into my hand.

We could have whoever we want.
We could go back to school
And see the dead laugh again.
Let's get dressed up and pull.

The only benefit of drinking.
The downside of what we take.


Some weekends I feel
Like I could always be awake.

A party in a strangers house.
Have we ever met the host?
Just smile and keep talking
And get your can for a toast.

We won't always be safe here
But this is where we reign.
Pull it tight to protect us.
We might never sleep again.

You always jump and quiver
When you're coming in to land
With no runway, no guidance
No nails dug into my hand.

We could have whoever we want.
We could go back to school
And see the dead laugh again.
Let's get dressed up and pull.

The only benefit of drinking.
The downside of what we take.


Some weekends I feel
Like I could always be awake.

A party in a strangers house.
Have we ever met the host?
Just smile and keep talking
And get your can for a toast.

We won't always be safe here
But this is where we reign.
Pull it tight to protect us.
We might never sleep again.

You always jump and quiver
When you're coming in to land
With no runway, no guidance
No nails dug into my hand.

We could have whoever we want.
We could go back to school
And see the dead laugh again.
Let's get dressed up and pull.

The only benefit of drinking.
The downside of what we take.


Some weekends I feel
Like I could always be awake.

A party in a strangers house.
Have we ever met the host?
Just smile and keep talking
And get your can for a toast.

We won't always be safe here
But this is where we reign.
Pull it tight to protect us.
We might never sleep again.

Another bloated disco,
Another sniff of romance I'll forget
We promised to ourselves before we came out
We'd do something we regret

These people are your friends
This cunted circus never ends
I won't remember anything you say

I lost my social skills a while ago
But now I feel them coming back
My eyes were rolling when we met
And now they are preparing for attack

I want to fall in love tonight
And form the perfect unbreakable bond
You can be my teenage Jenny Agutter
Swimming naked in a pond

You know i'm always moanin'
But you jumpstart my seratonin
But how d'you know you've ever really loved?

But when I feel like this, I know it doesn't matter
When I eat when I'm not hungy I'm sure I feel my face get fatter
Then I thin out every weekend and I think that she might want me
But I always slip off my own 'cause...

I let those feelings haunt me, they control me,
But tonight I'm letting go
You're more then just a photo album,
You're more than what some people let you know

And if we ever make it home,
I'll tell you all the things that shaped me thus;
Something forged in a phonebox but lost in a restaurant
We've got so much to discuss

Here, have you tried the blue ones?
I hear he's got some new ones
Sleep is not an option tonight

Look at us just stand and stare
Look at them just pose and pout
And we'll all be standing here
Until the pigs chuck us out

There are no set rules to follow, just a big black gaping hollow that we fall into and hope that it means love. And the beasts snapping at your feet keep barking that you're incomplete. Ignore them, but heed the beasts above. So if you see me coming you better whistle or start humming a€?cause otherwise, I 'll tell you now that I'll just walk right by a€?cause lover, when I drink, I'm dozy but I fancy getting cosy and I heard a rumour that I might have caught your eye. So come on darling, break my heart. Mess me around and shag all my friends, a€?cause we can't waste what we can't even start and it's best to go out with a bang when a wee disaster ends.

I don't like the words that the birds are singing.
I hate their ugly voices and the messages they're bringing.
But if everyone can start again and everyone can win
then I'll re-arrange the place that I'm in.

And I can't stick the way that they flap and flutter.
They whisper I'm a cunt and they cackle and they mutter.
But i'm sure I heard them reassure me everything ends
as I walked away from all my fake friends.

They've scrutinised the mistakes I've been making.
They know who I've fucked, they know what I've taken.
They've seen me in the shower with shit down my legs.
They've seen me searching a stranger's house for dregs.

I used to think they loved me, but now I know it's pity
and they know that they can always flee this fucking city.
They even said they'd help me out and give me a head start
and they know that these days my cock's as numb as my heart.

New blood flows.
Old faces go.
I like the new ones better.
I think I like these girls.
Feels like I've travelled miles.
Now I want to party all the time.
Now I want to party all the time again.

You said you didn't mind if she turned round to sleep
but you were just half being nice, there's no rewards to reap.
And if she had stayed up, you'd still be here alone.
You'd still have no idea what that means and you'd still fear the phone.

The longest walk was that night in your brand new shoes
but what you can't find now's the thing that you can't lose.

A change of scenery, a change of mind and face.
He used your clothes and hands and then fucked off without a trace.
I see him now and then, but now he just looks bored.
He used to flirt with everyone but prefers to be ignored.

So let me dance tonight and I will be your host
then maybe you'll make up your mind which one loves you most.
We'll even leave the room, so you'll be free to choose.
Remember what he can't find now's the thing that you can't lose.

Being thoughtful's just a curse
but a one night stand just makes it worse.

Who Named The Days


I never slam the door these days then again, I’m never here. And you know where to find me with my oldest friend I hold so dear. Who named the days? Who named this mess?
I don’t care what she says; I need to get out less.

Me and him go back a long way
and his advice has always been shite.
But he knows how to make me laugh,
I’ve never bothered if he’s right.
Who named the days? Who named this mess?
I don’t care what she says, I need to get out less.

But sometimes when I’m with him
I just stop being me.
And he knows, on my own,
I could never be the man he’s always wanted me to be.
He makes me treat girls like shit.
He makes me lie to them and use them.

I think he loves to watch me playing games
and he loves to watch me lose them.

The rain pissed down on Leven's shores.
The sane rain would rain on superstores
and set off car alarms in our street.
Let's burn our clothes and hunt our meat.

A day of skies, a day of feasts,
we fell to bed, to grunt like beasts.
We could live in your wee car,
we could never go too far.

A flash of sun between your thighs,
a perfect black shape to protect my eyes.
A swooping hawk, a dying tree.
"Fuck me," says he, "fuck you," says she.

If i'm a clown, then you're a mime
but I'm sure that we'd be friends in time.
The selkie put her skin back on
and swam away, back to her own

The rain pissed down on Leven's shores.
The sane rain would rain on superstores
and set off car alarms in our street.
Let's burn our clothes and hunt our meat.

A day of skies, a day of feasts,
we fell to bed, to grunt like beasts.
We could live in your wee car,
we could never go too far.

A flash of sun between your thighs,
a perfect black shape to protect my eyes.
A swooping hawk, a dying tree.
"Fuck me," says he, "fuck you," says she.

If i'm a clown, then you're a mime
but I'm sure that we'd be friends in time.
The selkie put her skin back on
and swam away, back to her own

Sex without love is a good ride worth trying
but love without sex is second only to dying.
When kissing is missing and legs stay shut tight
you'll hate every morning and dread every night.

Don't drag it out when you've lost your glue.

You'll always feel lonely and always be minging,
you won't notice colours and you'll never hear singing.
The surest sign ever that good times are ending
is sharing a sleeping space with no fucking pending.

Don't drag it out too far, don't do what I do.

If your hair was a call to arms
and your legs were what skirts are for
then your mouth was a red alert
but your eyes were an act of war.

I needed a nurse and a mother,
I needed an open-minded whore.
I needed a barmaid and a lover.
Someone to stand between me and the floor.

But when we attacked, it was never swiftly.
We must have been locked in combat for years.
Our new hardwood floor was the perfect battleground
so I suppose the bullets were our tears.

Okay, I know we threw some things about
and i'm sure that you got in a punch or two
and is it true your comrade's been asking if I'm the sort of man
who could ever sink to hit you too?

"Why does she always have bruises? They'd be much happier apart"
the fact is, you've always been clumsy
be it with tables at your work or with my heart.

And I'd serenade you every night
but you'd never be home to hear it.
I wrote your name with fireworks in the sky
but you never turned up to see it.

So let me take you out and buy you drinks
and I can mumble through an explanation.
I hear you know that's when you're getting old,
when all you really want's a conversation.

Don't get me wrong, I've always had plans
for your lips and my lips.
The first time I saw you I saw all my future
right between your hips.

You're a woman who can teach me stuff.
The kind of girl I want to bathe and dance with.
But just ignore me now I understand;
I only go for girls i've got no chance with.

Look up right now, the sky's on fire.
I want your breath when I retire.
I want your feet to scratch my shin,
to make me bleed and scar the skin.

Easy come, easy gone,
we knew they'd leave us all along.
Now we cook our own tea and we don't sign on.

And the week never starts round here,
raise your cider, and I'll raise my beer.

Easy come, easy gone,
kiss a girl then write a song.
Enjoy it while you can
'cause it won't last long.

And the week never starts round here,
raise your cider, and I'll raise my beer.

Easy come, easy gone,
simple as this stupid song.
Now your cupboard's clean
you can carry on.

And the week never starts round here,
raise your cider, and I'l raise my beer.

Every man needs a tit to suckle
but some days I'm sure my legs will just buckle.
Good morning, mister magpie, how's the lady wife?
You've been sitting there for years now, studying my life.

So you may as well just build a nest here.
Good fucking luck, 'cause I still can't rest here.
Nine of your brothers perched in my past,
they were right for a while but I knew it couldn't last.

But moon be full tonight and I will find my bride.
She'll be good to me and she will love to ride.
And she might make mistakes but I know I will too
because we can't all be whole and bright like you.

I see cherubs swarm around the bed and swooping down to kiss your head.
Only when you're wrecked do you agree with all my plans for you and me.
The walls breathe, we're locked in tight - it's a lovely end to an ugly night.
I think i could burst but i'm sure it'll keep.
The strobe in my head keeps me from sleep.

You said it yourself - you can't help but flirt and i'd be the first to admit that i'm easily hurt.
I can't take things lightly - you said i'm always in a huff.
I know it was just the once but what if that's enough?
Just shut the fuck up and tell me bit by bit, 'cause all i can see is his hand grabbing a tit.
I do one four seven one the minute i get in and if your number's not there your stuff stays in the bin.

Shouldn't we be naked, especially tonight?
Instead of being fat, instead of being tight.
If you go, go for good,
Don't fucking joke, you know i would.
There's no attempt to make up,
No attempt to sort it out.
And we know wshen we wake up we'll forget what it's about.
If you go, go for good,
No fucking jokes.
Maybe we should.
There's at least a foot between us
- do you really need pyjamas in this heat?
And all we can hear is pissed-up kids in the street.
If you go, go for good.
Don't fucking joke, you know i would.
If you go, go for good.
D do you really think i ever could?
I really wish you fucking would.

If you learn to drive,
I can use the train and the bus.
When you're mobile, we'll go.
Take my toys and your cat with us.
We'll leave the violence,
We'll have something to do.
With a couch-bed in the front room for when we fall out or when our friends come through.
It's painting a kitchen that's keeping me going
And we've already named the seeds i'll be sowing.
And when they've grown up (that's hoping that i don't shoot blanks), could we move right up north,
Find a house near the shores and the banks?
With a big fuck-off telly,
A brand new stereo system.
We'll meet old friends at funerals
And pretend that we've missed them.
And if they were here,
They'd say it was shocking to find
We've already named the dog we'll be walking.
It's choosing a mattress that's keeping me going
And we've already named the seeds i'll be sowing.

Go and close the curtains - it's getting too bright.
We need some music.
Let's stay up all night.
Put the lights back on - i can't see your face.
Can you feel it?
It's going some pace.s
No inhibitions, we could still have some more so pass me my jeans from your side of the floor.
No plans for tomorrow - leave the day free.
Just waste it in bed, waste it with me.

We're barely halfway there,
You're stretched out and clamped around me.
I don't think there's drink at home.
You make a little snore and shift.
Just keep your head down there - you sleep,
I'll give directions.
I'll use the private miles to plan some tactics and a gift.
I'll move around you,
Attack and surround you.
She talked me back inside
- thank fuck our friends are nosy.
Any reaction's good
- it's a stupid way to make me say it.
Did we go far enough?
Did it just serve its purpose?
If the words are still a problem
I'll cut it out and let you weight it.

The greek sun made you lovely but attacked me with its rays.
I fell asleep and burned so badly
I could barely move for the first few days.
The girls in front all lay topless
- i did my best not to look.
But you could see right through my glasses as
I pretended to read my book.
We went for dinner then tried the cocktails
And drank our way through the list.
For the first time in ages we just sat
And chatted then staggered home happy, tanned and pissed.

When we were last here we named our offspring,
But we never even did it, we never really did anything.
We shared a birthday so we shared a do and they cooked my/your clothes when i was upstairs with you.
I/you did the sheet trick,
You/i did a yawn so i/you went out with the boys,
Stealing the milk at dawn.
I was a virgin, you were on holiday
- i'd had seven glasses when she asked me to stay.
So i let the wine decide what i should do.
At least i was careful
- i remember it was blue.

It doesn't matter how hard you try to deny
What i can see clearly with my drinking eye.
You know i never stop until i see you cry,
Make you insist through snot and tears that you'd never lie.
Now my friday nights have many uses
- i can forget what happens and make up bad excuses.
It doesn't need a weapon or even much motivation,
Just a bit of beer spilt on my playstation.
It makes me sure i've seen him try it on a few times
Before as i shake my head and sigh, standing halfway through the door.
You might've shared a school or a street.
You might've known him for years
- it makes no odds to me, i just want to see the tears.

Now you always say terminated, i never hear you say aborted.
You just have to accept mistakes happen and sometimes
They have to be sorted.
You know i'd love it - a little us would be sweet
- but don't take that from your pro-life pal, she doesn't even eat meat.
It's as simple as this - the time's not right.
You need a new job and some sleep tonight.

I sprained my arm for you when you hid me under the covers
And held my hair.
Did we just forget that we're lovers?
It all came back as sunday was dawning
But i was useless for most of the morning.
The sweat was pishing off me and the duvet had been kicked away.
You said something new, straight to work,
Up and dressed right away.
It all came back as sunday was dawning
But i was useless for most of the morning.

I pulled the ex last night, and it felt weird to feel her up again.
Knickers down, and bra cast as if the past and not passed.

And she brought the drinks all night, but that's okay, now she's got a job.
Her generosity - my curse. she even let me keep her purse.

But I couldn't get it up - too much to drink, too much to say.
She picked her clothes up off the floor and promptly headed for the door.

I was just trying to use my favourite muse.
I don't think I could ever want her back, I'm just making sure she's still capable of being slack.



And she's got trouble with her boyfriend now.
I always said he was a prick.
I told her from the very start, when she almost broke my heart.

And my room's a mess this morning.
She left her fag-ends floating in a glass.
I didn't try and make her stay. I doubt she would have anyway.

I was just trying to use my favourite muse.
It's nice to see she's still slack. I could never want her back.

It was the biggest ever cock you'd ever seen, but you've no idea where that cock has been.
You said you were careful - you never were with me.
I heard you did it four times and jonnies come in packs of three.

She was the best shag I'd ever had.
That doesn't mean I'm saying, bedwise, you were bad.
I think you were working, we got a hotel.
We didn't have anything but I thought I might as well.


I never told the rest.
I was drunk and I told you I was thinking about a test.
You know I just said it for effect.
Then you laughed and said I'd f**k anything in a skirt once I'm erect.

And she's a famous harlot in this town.
I know enough to, but still I couldn't turn her down.
He said I'm an arsehole, what was I thinking?
It's far too easy to blame it on the drinking.

You just have to be sure you're doing the right thing. I mean it's very easy to forget - she's just sitting there in the pub with her new friends and her new life and her new hair, and it's been five years but you'd know just to look at her.

I wasn't even sure it were her at first; I was ready to walk away but she smiled and called me over and we said hello for a bit. When we back to our tables we were trying not to look over at each other and told our friends to stop staring. I didn't see her for the rest of the night, but by closing time the beers kicked in so I go up and speak to her and we end up talking about our new homes, our new jobs and our new birds.

She says she's been going out with him now for about two and a half years, but they don't live together so he'd never find out. And you think about chasing her about school when you were wee and lying in your bed and listening to love songs and pretending they were about you. and the first time you asked her out she said no but one night you went to a wedding and when you came back to the pub she's changed her mind and you went out. You remember the way she swung her arms when she held your hand but you can't remember how she kissed and now you've got the chance to find out.

But you have to remember there's this other kiss. She's at home, wondering where you are and what you're doing. And you work hard on this kiss and you know it inside out; it's as much yours as it is hers, and it took a long time to get right, it took months of practice and months of embarassment but now you've got it perfected and you've been looking forward to that kiss all week.

You can see her breath in the air between your faces as you stand in the leaves and she just asks you straight out if you want to come and stay at her flat. But you make sure you get separate taxis and you go home and there might be a slight regret and you might wonder what you missed, but you have to remember the kiss you worked so hard on. And you'll know you've done the right thing.

Bored at home, nothing to do but eat. I'll give you a phone and you can come along the street. You/I'll bring the junk food, I'll/you (can) hire the tape. We can sit and poke fun at each other's shape. Water pistols at dawn. We were soaked to bits. Then you/I tried to bite me/you. So I/you hand-held hovered your/my tits. Toy fights on the floor. Both drunk and drugged. Out of breath when we stopped. Then we sat on the stairs and hugged.

How am I supposed to walk you home when you're at least fifty feet ahead?
Cause you walked off in a huff and I'm that pissed I can't even remember what it was I said.

And I don't doubt you wouldn't touch him now, but let's face it, you always use to go for that kind.
And if you ever really wanted two men at once, all I'm saying is I better be one of the guys you've got in mind.

Here we go same time, same place.
I don't like the way you kiss his face.
It's not that there's no trust as such.


I'd love to make up but I've had to much.

Now you know fine well I'm staying, I've only ever carried out that threat once before.
And even then I coudn't get far and you're mum came and called me back before I'd even made it to the door.

Here we go same time, same place.
My embarassment versus your damp face.
We could down here or we could talk in bed.
But I'm afraid that's all, as I've already said.

Phone me tonight when you're pissed.
Just to tell me that I'm missed.
Tell me you want me in your cunt.
Tell me you're not sure what you want.
I tried to tell you, I thought I made it clear.
Nothing could make me not want you here.
Phone me tomorrow when you're sober.
Just to remind me that it's over.
And that I'm not needed now in your bed.
And of all the things that I apparently never said.
I tried to tell you, I tried to say.
I never wanted us to end that way.

We're sitting fruity alchopops with pink glasses with ice and watching the girls of summer
With there bare legs and trains and there white strap link through yesterdays top beneath today's cologne
Across there peeling shoulders on there way to the bar

Later I put my tape in the bath in attempt to shave, well almost cut and ending up slashing my cheek and nickin' my lip
And spraying on some poof juice and go to the park with my economy cider

I don't think I'll need a jacket

It'll be bright when the carry outs are finished
And we head to the pub to get everyone else


Leaving our empties kicked behind a bush
We'll get 'em in there and casually saunter into the bogs and swallow
And get taxi's down to a club
The micelet and magpie through the window on the way
In the hope they'll get a shag

But I'll wake up clamouring a girl I know fully clothed on someone's couch I've barely slept for two hours
All sweaty and thoughtful and needing a fix
And then you'll wake up
And the first thing we'll do is to make plans to get pissed
So we'll sit in a pub and watch the girls of summer.

You'd already been half an hour with pre-clubbing shower
and I'd always planned to have a look in your special winnie the pooh book.
the place was marked and it was there in blue and white -
it said simply, "paul stayed last night"
Next I was on the bog
and you got down on one knee.
You were protesting your innocence
and you started to cry as I started to pee.

You said, "I didn't shag him, he slept on the couch in the kitchen.
He might as well be a girl.
He's a good for a laugh and he's good for bitchin"

You said you'd never be willing or able.
And he looks like he was made on a fucking table.
Although, to be fair, I think he hides the bolts quite well,
but as soon as he opens his mouth you can just tell.
I had just assumed you'd completely gone off shagging
and I can you seen you with your new uni pals, standing bragging.
now he's your boyfriend and I know you were talking shite
but you still deny it when I met you at someone's birthday party the other night.

You said, "I didn't shag him, he slept on the couch in the kitchen.
It's just like one of the girls.
We have a good laugh when we're sitting bitchin'"

The words that you used to think turned me on just made me laugh -
"do you want to suck my cunt?" in real life just sounds naff.
And when we were with your friends I just as well might of been no one.
And you can't get over your dead dog - well it takes one to know one.

I wish it was someone elses blood on the jonnie.
It's in my mouth and under my nails.
I wish I'd woken up in someone elses bed.
Wish I was the wind in someone elses sails.

I've no-one in particular in mind right now.
It was inevitable we'd end up in the sack.
I should have known you'd want to try again.
But I'm looking forward now
I'm not stepping back.



My last lover's playing with a new man now.
It's only three weeks we've been apart.
They sat together and he sent her flowers.
Well he can f**king keep that fickle disco tart.

'cause I've had it up to here with little girls.
She looked ugly today day, smoking her fag.
Just like a schoolgirl trying to look grown-up.
Now I'm looking for a woman but I'll settle for a shag.

The bed's a mess when we're finished and at rest,
and I can just see the post-fuck flush across your chest.
The telly's silent, the room's lit only by the screen,
and now we're perfect moulds with just our pulses in between.

Well I'm not listening to what my mother said -
what we're doing inside my bed.
And I'm not pretending this time you're someone else,
but I'm cleaning these sheets all by myself.

Afterwards is best.
You get up to get dressed -
I think your pants are by the door.
I think tomorrow we might be sore.

Even in this light, your tits look white against the tanning,
and I know we're a couple now 'cause we went down the family planning.
It hit me in the waiting room waiting for you when you were getting what you need.
But I can't help be a bit disappointed when you start to bleed.

Afterwards is best.
You get up to get dressed -
I think your pants are by the door.
I think tomorrow we might be sore.

It was the biggest ever cock you'd ever seen, but you've no idea where that cock has been.
You said you were careful - you never were with me.
I heard you did it four times and jonnies come in packs of three.

She was the best shag I'd ever had.
That doesn't mean I'm saying, bedwise, you were bad.
I think you were working, we got a hotel.
We didn't have anything but I thought I might as well.


I never told the rest.
I was drunk and I told you I was thinking about a test.
You know I just said it for effect.
Then you laughed and said I'd f**k anything in a skirt once I'm erect.

And she's a famous harlot in this town.
I know enough to, but still I couldn't turn her down.
He said I'm an arsehole, what was I thinking?
It's far too easy to blame it on the drinking.

You just have to be sure you're doing the right thing. I mean it's very easy to forget - she's just sitting there in the pub with her new friends and her new life and her new hair, and it's been five years but you'd know just to look at her.

I wasn't even sure it were her at first; I was ready to walk away but she smiled and called me over and we said hello for a bit. When we back to our tables we were trying not to look over at each other and told our friends to stop staring. I didn't see her for the rest of the night, but by closing time the beers kicked in so I go up and speak to her and we end up talking about our new homes, our new jobs and our new birds.

She says she's been going out with him now for about two and a half years, but they don't live together so he'd never find out. And you think about chasing her about school when you were wee and lying in your bed and listening to love songs and pretending they were about you. and the first time you asked her out she said no but one night you went to a wedding and when you came back to the pub she's changed her mind and you went out. You remember the way she swung her arms when she held your hand but you can't remember how she kissed and now you've got the chance to find out.

But you have to remember there's this other kiss. She's at home, wondering where you are and what you're doing. And you work hard on this kiss and you know it inside out; it's as much yours as it is hers, and it took a long time to get right, it took months of practice and months of embarassment but now you've got it perfected and you've been looking forward to that kiss all week.

You can see her breath in the air between your faces as you stand in the leaves and she just asks you straight out if you want to come and stay at her flat. But you make sure you get separate taxis and you go home and there might be a slight regret and you might wonder what you missed, but you have to remember the kiss you worked so hard on. And you'll know you've done the right thing.

Bored at home, nothing to do but eat. I'll give you a phone and you can come along the street. You/I'll bring the junk food, I'll/you (can) hire the tape. We can sit and poke fun at each other's shape. Water pistols at dawn. We were soaked to bits. Then you/I tried to bite me/you. So I/you hand-held hovered your/my tits. Toy fights on the floor. Both drunk and drugged. Out of breath when we stopped. Then we sat on the stairs and hugged.

How am I supposed to walk you home when you're at least fifty feet ahead?
Cause you walked off in a huff and I'm that pissed I can't even remember what it was I said.

And I don't doubt you wouldn't touch him now, but let's face it, you always use to go for that kind.
And if you ever really wanted two men at once, all I'm saying is I better be one of the guys you've got in mind.

Here we go same time, same place.
I don't like the way you kiss his face.
It's not that there's no trust as such.


I'd love to make up but I've had to much.

Now you know fine well I'm staying, I've only ever carried out that threat once before.
And even then I coudn't get far and you're mum came and called me back before I'd even made it to the door.

Here we go same time, same place.
My embarassment versus your damp face.
We could down here or we could talk in bed.
But I'm afraid that's all, as I've already said.

Phone me tonight when you're pissed.
Just to tell me that I'm missed.
Tell me you want me in your cunt.
Tell me you're not sure what you want.
I tried to tell you, I thought I made it clear.
Nothing could make me not want you here.
Phone me tomorrow when you're sober.
Just to remind me that it's over.
And that I'm not needed now in your bed.
And of all the things that I apparently never said.
I tried to tell you, I tried to say.
I never wanted us to end that way.

We're sitting fruity alchopops with pink glasses with ice and watching the girls of summer
With there bare legs and trains and there white strap link through yesterdays top beneath today's cologne
Across there peeling shoulders on there way to the bar

Later I put my tape in the bath in attempt to shave, well almost cut and ending up slashing my cheek and nickin' my lip
And spraying on some poof juice and go to the park with my economy cider

I don't think I'll need a jacket

It'll be bright when the carry outs are finished
And we head to the pub to get everyone else


Leaving our empties kicked behind a bush
We'll get 'em in there and casually saunter into the bogs and swallow
And get taxi's down to a club
The micelet and magpie through the window on the way
In the hope they'll get a shag

But I'll wake up clamouring a girl I know fully clothed on someone's couch I've barely slept for two hours
All sweaty and thoughtful and needing a fix
And then you'll wake up
And the first thing we'll do is to make plans to get pissed
So we'll sit in a pub and watch the girls of summer.

You'd already been half an hour with pre-clubbing shower
and I'd always planned to have a look in your special winnie the pooh book.
the place was marked and it was there in blue and white -
it said simply, "paul stayed last night"
Next I was on the bog
and you got down on one knee.
You were protesting your innocence
and you started to cry as I started to pee.

You said, "I didn't shag him, he slept on the couch in the kitchen.
He might as well be a girl.
He's a good for a laugh and he's good for bitchin"

You said you'd never be willing or able.
And he looks like he was made on a fucking table.
Although, to be fair, I think he hides the bolts quite well,
but as soon as he opens his mouth you can just tell.
I had just assumed you'd completely gone off shagging
and I can you seen you with your new uni pals, standing bragging.
now he's your boyfriend and I know you were talking shite
but you still deny it when I met you at someone's birthday party the other night.

You said, "I didn't shag him, he slept on the couch in the kitchen.
It's just like one of the girls.
We have a good laugh when we're sitting bitchin'"

The words that you used to think turned me on just made me laugh -
"do you want to suck my cunt?" in real life just sounds naff.
And when we were with your friends I just as well might of been no one.
And you can't get over your dead dog - well it takes one to know one.

I wish it was someone elses blood on the jonnie.
It's in my mouth and under my nails.
I wish I'd woken up in someone elses bed.
Wish I was the wind in someone elses sails.

I've no-one in particular in mind right now.
It was inevitable we'd end up in the sack.
I should have known you'd want to try again.
But I'm looking forward now
I'm not stepping back.



My last lover's playing with a new man now.
It's only three weeks we've been apart.
They sat together and he sent her flowers.
Well he can f**king keep that fickle disco tart.

'cause I've had it up to here with little girls.
She looked ugly today day, smoking her fag.
Just like a schoolgirl trying to look grown-up.
Now I'm looking for a woman but I'll settle for a shag.

The bed's a mess when we're finished and at rest,
and I can just see the post-fuck flush across your chest.
The telly's silent, the room's lit only by the screen,
and now we're perfect moulds with just our pulses in between.

Well I'm not listening to what my mother said -
what we're doing inside my bed.
And I'm not pretending this time you're someone else,
but I'm cleaning these sheets all by myself.

Afterwards is best.
You get up to get dressed -
I think your pants are by the door.
I think tomorrow we might be sore.

Even in this light, your tits look white against the tanning,
and I know we're a couple now 'cause we went down the family planning.
It hit me in the waiting room waiting for you when you were getting what you need.
But I can't help be a bit disappointed when you start to bleed.

Afterwards is best.
You get up to get dressed -
I think your pants are by the door.
I think tomorrow we might be sore.

I see cherubs swarm around the bed and swooping down to kiss your head.
Only when you're wrecked do you agree with all my plans for you and me.
The walls breathe, we're locked in tight - it's a lovely end to an ugly night.
I think I could burst but I'm sure it'll keep.
The strobe in my head keeps me from sleep.

It takes much more than names I'm crying,
To convince me we've been trying.
And I don't want it when you need it.
I'd write it down if you'd read it.i'm saying too much
- it loses power.
But sometimes I need it on the hour, every hour.
What do I have to do to get the message through?


There's no discussion - it's easy to end it.
No effort's made to try to defend it.
I make my point if you shut up and let me.
You know I'm only leaving so you can come and get me.
I've heard everything you've said.
I'm tired and I just need my bed.

If I don't know, I can't understand.
'll get the drinks when you give me back my hand.
You know I'm not that bothered,
We don't have to stay - it's already been an eventful day.
There is nothing that could ever be above you.
There's not much I could ever do.
We had a laugh at dinner and I thought you seemed fine.


Just blame the hormones and too much red wine.
It wont be the last and it's not like it's a first.
Just make something up,
'cause I always feel the worst.
There is nothing that could ever be above you
There's not much I could ever do.

I was trying to sleep, but my heart-rate wasn't fooled.
It was at least the back of four when you phoned to tell me that you'd pulled.
You met him in a club and he's nice.
You hope he doesn't think you're slack.
But he's waiting in the next room and you think you'd better get back.
I'm trying to sleep, but I'm staring and I'm thinking.


And my bed's f**king huge.
And you and him are drinking.
I'm glad that I'm going.
That I'll soon be away.
I wish you'd just ask her 'cause it's not something I can say.

Make me reflective, introspective
Make me the violence, and explain my silence.
Cause it's never too late to fill me with hate...
So pull away, go, make me look cool.

And she looks best, sunday mornings, coming down.

So what will I achieve, and who should I believe.


I lick her slit, as it tightens it's grip.
My drugged up kiss. so hey, have something else.
Its hard to conceal the way I feel.

And she looks best, sunday mornings, coming down.
It seems that some wanker makes her darker
Sights her hair.

Oh, she always used to be the same.
She'd be loose with a straight dark facial frame.
And now the things that used to turn me off, I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees and she lays naked in the clearing.

I adore, but I ignore her.
See, I know it won't last as I reflect upon my past.
But on severance she makes no difference.
There's things I won't let her know, as we're perfecting our show..
I won't ignore her - I think I'll phone her.
I can't explore her if I ignore her.


And now the things that used to turn me off I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees as she lies naked in the clearing.

But she won't beckon - is what I reckon.
She might adore me, but she'll ignore me.
Tell them to show there, and we get nowhere.
She loves my snoring, so it never get's boring.

She always used to be the same.
She'd be loose with with a straight dark facial frame.
And now the things that use to turn me off, I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees and she lays naked in the clearing.

I was awake I overheard your speech.
My ego dried and sank.
Talked with your ex and we agreed
Thought of your sister helped us wank.
I'm sure you know that I have fancied her since she began high school.
But back in then, and I will promise I will let your engine cool.


I have matured, I've come of age, my visions clear.
But there's still some things that I don't want to hear.
And I know that it was probably just those e's, but be a bit more thoughtful next time, please.

While I'm alive, well, I just drive.
Each time I scored I just got bored.
And that's no bollocks ... I am just a slut.

I'm waiting for a service, waiting in vain.
She's waiting on another man, no one drank again.
She flashed me the menu, working smell on her lips.
Led me just enough. I shouldn't have tipped.
I say 'well', the food there was crap.


The other one there, I didn't give two glances.
She's in love with my soul - she think's I'm attractive.
She forraged a smile, I saw the floor.
She tried again, I examined the ashtray.
I say 'well'.
But I still make the mistake of eating where the food is crap.

I work in a saloon, pulling shit pints for shit wages.
It's a busy night tonight.
And the bar is full of all the girls I've ever shagged, or tampered with, or kissed, or even just fancied.
A pub full of conquests, knockbacks.

Between the laughter I can here my name.
And then, through the gap between the swing doors and floor, I see your feet.
You push open the doors and walk in


And as always all heads turn.
And the room becomse silent, except for the sound or your dm's scuffing on the floor.

You stroll through the jealous gaze straight to the bar, smile, and ask for some exotic cocktail.
But I don't know how to make it.
So you just shrug, smile again, turnaround and leave
And I pull another pint.

Half nine I'm glued to you, then I'll disappear. Call your other side it lasted three year.

F**k love, fight love, F**k love, fight.
F**k love and chuck love 'til tomorrow night.

Then start again and lose again. Small tablet of pleasure.
Fight Jock. F**k. F**k love forever.

F**k love, fight love, F**k love, fight.
F**k love and chuck love 'til tomorrow night.

Held tight I was wrong. C-Coldsore cunt.
Sorry for losing respect Malc
I was wasted on that slut.
Held tight I was wrong C-Coldsore cunt.
Sorry for loosing respect - I was wasted on that slut.

I take in the smoke from the barbeque. I swallow my own cheap booze.
I try not to look at your legs, as little boys play in big girl's shoes.
I play their games and take them walks. I make jokes about feeling clucky.
Nnd I make myself drunken dreams but first I'd have to get lucky.

I know it didn't mean a thing, I just pretended it's a joke.
I say I saw you topless but I keep quiet about that business with the poke.

The smell of outdoor cooking, the bevvy's gone to my head.
Please don't bend over like that, it makes me wonder what we'd be like in bed.

Get your fingers out my friend...

Did you think the same as me? As we stood there in the kitchen.
We were talking about having kids and as usual I did my bit of bitching.

You know that I don't want a girlfriend. I just wanted someone to fuck.
Just someone to pass the time with, when it's coming up for the chuck.

Keep your fingers out my friend...

So that was the first big weekend of the summer...
Starts thursday as usual with the canteen quiz and again no-one wins the big cash prize.
Later I do my sound bloke routine by approaching gina's new boyfriend to say that he shouldn't feel that there's any animosity between us and then I even go and make peace with her shouldn't hav
Hered.

Then on friday night we went through to the arches...

There was only one car going so some of us had to get the train. we got through quite late. then we went to a pub to take the gear.
There was no problems getting in - we saw some others waiting down the front of the queue so we skipped in.
It was a good night - everyone was nutted and I ended up dancing with some blonde girl.
I thought she had been quite pretty until last night when matthew informed me that she had, in fact, been a pig.

When the club finished we wandered the streets for a while until we got to this 24-hour cafe.
I didn't like the look of it so we left and got a taxi back to morag's flat.
I couldn't sleep so I sat about drinking someone else's strawberry tonic wine and tried to keep everyone else up.

Then at ten o'clock in the morning we went downstairs to buy some drink. we had intended to watch the football in the afternoon but we'd passed out by then and slept right through it, awaking to
That england had won two-nil.
Then we went to get the train home and had a few in the station bar.
We had some stuff left from the previous night's supplies so when we got home we decided to go down to john's indie disco.
Same story as friday - lots of hugging, lots of dancing etc. etc.
I couldn't sleep again so went to the park to look at the toon, taking a detour through the playpark.
To get in we had to climb over a ten foot steel fence, which resulted in severe bruising of our hands, legs and groins, but we had a good laugh on the stuff, especially the tube-slide, which pro


Doubles up as a urinal for drunk teens.
Then we walked through the woods to have a look at the toon. big disappointment, but the mist on the lake was cool.

Sunday afternoon we go up to john's with a lot of beer in time to watch the simpsons - it was a really good episode about love always ending in tragedy except, of course, for marge and homer. it
Quite moving at the end and to tell you the truth my eyes were a bit damp.

Then we watched these young girls in swimsuits have a water fight in the street.
We went up to the pub about ten.
It was busy for a sunday night, lots of people we know, including my first ever girlfriend who I still find very attractive, quite frankly, but I didn't really speak to her
She's probably still a bitch, anyway.
Her friend gillian was there, I had a chat with her, she was still quite pleasant.
At the same time I watched malcolm make some terrible attempt to try and chat up a girl we know called jo. he made some remark about her skirt that was barely there the previous night or somethi
R>
I couldn't sleep again that night, thanks to some seriously disturbing nightmares...matthew says I should cut down on the cheese.

"went out for the weekend, it lasted for ever, high with our friends it's officially summer."

I got some sleep eventually on monday afternoon.
It was a beautiful day, and later that evening malcolm introduced me to the power of merrydown - ³1.79 a litre, 8.2% - mmmm.....
Judith and laura came round later and we sat in my back garden and drank.
Then matthew came round and we went up the town.
It's officially summer.

Don't try and tell me kate moss ain't pretty.
Don't try and make me believe.
Don't try to force me to let you boss me when I'm pretending to leave.

I knew that you could ruin my good mood.
That's exactly what you've done.
We sat there silent ,you got violent.
Going out with you used to be fun.


You're getting colder, no doubt you've told her
I've just come past.
Does she know maybe, you're having a baby?
I think it's about time you did that test.

You know I'll miss you when I can't kiss you.
You know I don't want us to split.
Now I must say it's going that way.
You're always bored and full of shit.

I will never love you
Do what you will.
I will never lick you
The way I do so well.
You now weaken your voice
"ah, hey".

I will never talk to you
Do what you will.
You will never make me smile
The way you did so well.
You now meet with your boys
"ah, hey".


Most of all I will never cry.
My thoughts will never turn to you.
I'll walk through this world making little girls happy.
But not you, no not you.

Do what you will.
Do what you will.
Do what you will.
Do what you will.
You will do what you will.
You will do what you will.
Do what you will.
Do what you will.

Phone me tonight when you're pissed. just to tell me that I'm missed.
Tell me you want me in your cunt. tell me you're not sure what you want.

I tried to tell you, I made it clear. I think you make me not want you here.

Phone me tomorrow when you're sober.


Just to tell me it's all over.
Tell me I'm not wanted in your bed.
Remember one thing you haven't said.

I tried to tell you, I tried to say. I never wanted it to end this way.

Make me reflective, introspective
Make me the violence, and explain my silence.
Cause it's never too late to fill me with hate...
So pull away, go, make me look cool.

And she looks best, sunday mornings, coming down.

So what will I achieve, and who should I believe.


I lick her slit, as it tightens it's grip.
My drugged up kiss. so hey, have something else.
Its hard to conceal the way I feel.

And she looks best, sunday mornings, coming down.
It seems that some wanker makes her darker
Sights her hair.

Oh, she always used to be the same.
She'd be loose with a straight dark facial frame.
And now the things that used to turn me off, I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees and she lays naked in the clearing.

I adore, but I ignore her.
See, I know it won't last as I reflect upon my past.
But on severance she makes no difference.
There's things I won't let her know, as we're perfecting our show..
I won't ignore her - I think I'll phone her.
I can't explore her if I ignore her.


And now the things that used to turn me off I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees as she lies naked in the clearing.

But she won't beckon - is what I reckon.
She might adore me, but she'll ignore me.
Tell them to show there, and we get nowhere.
She loves my snoring, so it never get's boring.

She always used to be the same.
She'd be loose with with a straight dark facial frame.
And now the things that use to turn me off, I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees and she lays naked in the clearing.

I was awake I overheard your speech.
My ego dried and sank.
Talked with your ex and we agreed
Thought of your sister helped us wank.
I'm sure you know that I have fancied her since she began high school.
But back in then, and I will promise I will let your engine cool.


I have matured, I've come of age, my visions clear.
But there's still some things that I don't want to hear.
And I know that it was probably just those e's, but be a bit more thoughtful next time, please.

While I'm alive, well, I just drive.
Each time I scored I just got bored.
And that's no bollocks ... I am just a slut.

I'm waiting for a service, waiting in vain.
She's waiting on another man, no one drank again.
She flashed me the menu, working smell on her lips.
Led me just enough. I shouldn't have tipped.
I say 'well', the food there was crap.


The other one there, I didn't give two glances.
She's in love with my soul - she think's I'm attractive.
She forraged a smile, I saw the floor.
She tried again, I examined the ashtray.
I say 'well'.
But I still make the mistake of eating where the food is crap.

I work in a saloon, pulling shit pints for shit wages.
It's a busy night tonight.
And the bar is full of all the girls I've ever shagged, or tampered with, or kissed, or even just fancied.
A pub full of conquests, knockbacks.

Between the laughter I can here my name.
And then, through the gap between the swing doors and floor, I see your feet.
You push open the doors and walk in


And as always all heads turn.
And the room becomse silent, except for the sound or your dm's scuffing on the floor.

You stroll through the jealous gaze straight to the bar, smile, and ask for some exotic cocktail.
But I don't know how to make it.
So you just shrug, smile again, turnaround and leave
And I pull another pint.

Half nine I'm glued to you, then I'll disappear. Call your other side it lasted three year.

F**k love, fight love, F**k love, fight.
F**k love and chuck love 'til tomorrow night.

Then start again and lose again. Small tablet of pleasure.
Fight Jock. F**k. F**k love forever.

F**k love, fight love, F**k love, fight.
F**k love and chuck love 'til tomorrow night.

Held tight I was wrong. C-Coldsore cunt.
Sorry for losing respect Malc
I was wasted on that slut.
Held tight I was wrong C-Coldsore cunt.
Sorry for loosing respect - I was wasted on that slut.

So that was the first big weekend of the summer...
Starts thursday as usual with the canteen quiz and again no-one wins the big cash prize.
Later I do my sound bloke routine by approaching gina's new boyfriend to say that he shouldn't feel that there's any animosity between us and then I even go and make peace with her shouldn't hav
Hered.

Then on friday night we went through to the arches...

There was only one car going so some of us had to get the train. we got through quite late. then we went to a pub to take the gear.
There was no problems getting in - we saw some others waiting down the front of the queue so we skipped in.
It was a good night - everyone was nutted and I ended up dancing with some blonde girl.
I thought she had been quite pretty until last night when matthew informed me that she had, in fact, been a pig.

When the club finished we wandered the streets for a while until we got to this 24-hour cafe.
I didn't like the look of it so we left and got a taxi back to morag's flat.
I couldn't sleep so I sat about drinking someone else's strawberry tonic wine and tried to keep everyone else up.

Then at ten o'clock in the morning we went downstairs to buy some drink. we had intended to watch the football in the afternoon but we'd passed out by then and slept right through it, awaking to
That england had won two-nil.
Then we went to get the train home and had a few in the station bar.
We had some stuff left from the previous night's supplies so when we got home we decided to go down to john's indie disco.
Same story as friday - lots of hugging, lots of dancing etc. etc.
I couldn't sleep again so went to the park to look at the toon, taking a detour through the playpark.
To get in we had to climb over a ten foot steel fence, which resulted in severe bruising of our hands, legs and groins, but we had a good laugh on the stuff, especially the tube-slide, which pro


Doubles up as a urinal for drunk teens.
Then we walked through the woods to have a look at the toon. big disappointment, but the mist on the lake was cool.

Sunday afternoon we go up to john's with a lot of beer in time to watch the simpsons - it was a really good episode about love always ending in tragedy except, of course, for marge and homer. it
Quite moving at the end and to tell you the truth my eyes were a bit damp.

Then we watched these young girls in swimsuits have a water fight in the street.
We went up to the pub about ten.
It was busy for a sunday night, lots of people we know, including my first ever girlfriend who I still find very attractive, quite frankly, but I didn't really speak to her
She's probably still a bitch, anyway.
Her friend gillian was there, I had a chat with her, she was still quite pleasant.
At the same time I watched malcolm make some terrible attempt to try and chat up a girl we know called jo. he made some remark about her skirt that was barely there the previous night or somethi
R>
I couldn't sleep again that night, thanks to some seriously disturbing nightmares...matthew says I should cut down on the cheese.

"went out for the weekend, it lasted for ever, high with our friends it's officially summer."

I got some sleep eventually on monday afternoon.
It was a beautiful day, and later that evening malcolm introduced me to the power of merrydown - ³1.79 a litre, 8.2% - mmmm.....
Judith and laura came round later and we sat in my back garden and drank.
Then matthew came round and we went up the town.
It's officially summer.

Don't try and tell me kate moss ain't pretty.
Don't try and make me believe.
Don't try to force me to let you boss me when I'm pretending to leave.

I knew that you could ruin my good mood.
That's exactly what you've done.
We sat there silent ,you got violent.
Going out with you used to be fun.


You're getting colder, no doubt you've told her
I've just come past.
Does she know maybe, you're having a baby?
I think it's about time you did that test.

You know I'll miss you when I can't kiss you.
You know I don't want us to split.
Now I must say it's going that way.
You're always bored and full of shit.

I will never love you
Do what you will.
I will never lick you
The way I do so well.
You now weaken your voice
"ah, hey".

I will never talk to you
Do what you will.
You will never make me smile
The way you did so well.
You now meet with your boys
"ah, hey".


Most of all I will never cry.
My thoughts will never turn to you.
I'll walk through this world making little girls happy.
But not you, no not you.

Do what you will.
Do what you will.
Do what you will.
Do what you will.
You will do what you will.
You will do what you will.
Do what you will.
Do what you will.

I wish it was someone elses blood on the jonnie.
It's in my mouth and under my nails.
I wish I'd woken up in someone elses bed.
Wish I was the wind in someone elses sails.

I've no-one in particular in mind right now.
It was inevitable we'd end up in the sack.
I should have known you'd want to try again.
But I'm looking forward now
I'm not stepping back.



My last lover's playing with a new man now.
It's only three weeks we've been apart.
They sat together and he sent her flowers.
Well he can f**king keep that fickle disco tart.

'cause I've had it up to here with little girls.
She looked ugly today day, smoking her fag.
Just like a schoolgirl trying to look grown-up.
Now I'm looking for a woman but I'll settle for a shag.

I'd been to a friends house for dinner.
My mum wanted me home early so I said I'd better go home.
Her sister said she was going anyway so she could walk me some of the way
And she knew a shortcut through the woods.
She had long black hair, green eyes.

I wish my friends could have seen me.
We seemed to get on well, on the way
Considering the age gap.
She was nineteen and I was almost fifteen.

She stopped by the river,
And asked me to go swimming.
I was a bit embarrassed. I said no.
But she said she would anyway, stepped back, and stripped.
The sun was beginning to set, as she slipped into the water.
And when she was in she kept teasing me, so I gave in.
But I kept my pants on.

The water was warmer than I'd expected.
We swam around and played.


She had pushed me under the water.
I could feel her legs against mine underneath.
She'd hold my arm.
We must've been in about an hour.

I got out first.
I leaned against a tree and put my trousers back on
And then she got out of the river and walked towards me.
She put her hands on the tree above my head
Pushed herself against me, and leaned down and kissed me.
I don't know how long it lasted.

Then she stepped back, bundled up her clothes and said "i'm sure you can find your own way from here".
I ran back along the path.

I was late home and I gave my mum some excuse.
She beleived it.
Then the next day at school
My friend invited me round for dinner again
I said no.

Oh, she always used to be the same.
She'd be loose with a straight dark facial frame.
And now the things that used to turn me off, I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees and she lays naked in the clearing.

I adore, but I ignore her.
See, I know it won't last as I reflect upon my past.
But on severance she makes no difference.
There's things I won't let her know, as we're perfecting our show..
I won't ignore her - I think I'll phone her.
I can't explore her if I ignore her.


And now the things that used to turn me off I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees as she lies naked in the clearing.

But she won't beckon - is what I reckon.
She might adore me, but she'll ignore me.
Tell them to show there, and we get nowhere.
She loves my snoring, so it never get's boring.

She always used to be the same.
She'd be loose with with a straight dark facial frame.
And now the things that use to turn me off, I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees and she lays naked in the clearing.

Oh, she always used to be the same.
She'd be loose with a straight dark facial frame.
And now the things that used to turn me off, I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees and she lays naked in the clearing.

I adore, but I ignore her.
See, I know it won't last as I reflect upon my past.
But on severance she makes no difference.
There's things I won't let her know, as we're perfecting our show..
I won't ignore her - I think I'll phone her.
I can't explore her if I ignore her.


And now the things that used to turn me off I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees as she lies naked in the clearing.

But she won't beckon - is what I reckon.
She might adore me, but she'll ignore me.
Tell them to show there, and we get nowhere.
She loves my snoring, so it never get's boring.

She always used to be the same.
She'd be loose with with a straight dark facial frame.
And now the things that use to turn me off, I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees and she lays naked in the clearing.

Oh, she always used to be the same.
She'd be loose with a straight dark facial frame.
And now the things that used to turn me off, I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees and she lays naked in the clearing.

I adore, but I ignore her.
See, I know it won't last as I reflect upon my past.
But on severance she makes no difference.
There's things I won't let her know, as we're perfecting our show..
I won't ignore her - I think I'll phone her.
I can't explore her if I ignore her.


And now the things that used to turn me off I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees as she lies naked in the clearing.

But she won't beckon - is what I reckon.
She might adore me, but she'll ignore me.
Tell them to show there, and we get nowhere.
She loves my snoring, so it never get's boring.

She always used to be the same.
She'd be loose with with a straight dark facial frame.
And now the things that use to turn me off, I find endearing.
And they laugh behind the trees and she lays naked in the clearing.

The corn was funny and I hope you were joking. I like what we're doing but it's never outspoken. So I don't know what to say and I don't know what to do. And I'm still not sure that I should be honest with you. It was cool when all left together last night. Half two in the morning, I swear it was light. You ran up ahead, we brought up the rear. By the time we arrived, you'd drank all our beer. The skin was peeling off of my beardy face. And I used my best shampoo on my pubes just in case. And then I had a quick tug so that it would last longer. And I went to meet you for lunch but we had something stronger. You tied back your hair, you painted my face. And I passed it again 'cause I can't take the pace. The come down was gentle but once it felt nice. I'm getting a haircut and I want your advice. In a room full of people, we were under the covers. Our kisses were silent and our hands were our lovers. And then we panicked when your mum arrived at the door. The tampering's fun but I think I want more. You said that I'm OK but you're just having fun. And we were in with the girls and getting drunk in the sun. I would of tried to talk you round but you know I'm not a believer. You noticed my eyes were red but that was just with hay fever. OK, I'll just agree to, see you when I see you. OK, then I'll agree to just see you when I see you... Went out for the weekend, it lasted forever. Got high with our friends - it's officially summer.

I said with me around she'd never come to harm.
And then she took a fork and stabbed herself in the arm.
She used to wank me off but I could never heat her up.
And she use to tell all her friends that I beat her up.
I went round to her house one day after, after school.
She'd bought me this steel ladybird thing, it was really cool.
And then she said she thought there was no future for us.
She chucked me then, chucked me out, and I cried all over the bus.
And that sunday was my first experience of feeling alone.
When she wouldn't answer her door and she wouldn't answer her phone.
So I went round and banged on the door, I thought I had so much to say.


And then the pigs came and told me to be on my way.

It'd be nice to say then that that's where the story ends.
But she came way with some pish about still being friends.
And she seemed sincere so I thought I'd give her a chance.
And it was okay until I found her with her hand down someone elses pants.
I pulled them apart, it was all I could think to do.
Then another guy she knew flew to her rescue.
He tried to kick my head in to impress her, cause he was trying to poke her.
I came home greeting and bleeding.
And my mum threatened to go round to her house and choke her.

How am I supposed to walk you home when you're at least fifty feet ahead?
Cause you walked off in a huff and I'm that pissed I can't even remember what it was I said.

And I don't doubt you wouldn't touch him now, but let's face it, you always use to go for that kind.
And if you ever really wanted two men at once, all I'm saying is I better be one of the guys you've got in mind.

Here we go same time, same place.
I don't like the way you kiss his face.
It's not that there's no trust as such.


I'd love to make up but I've had to much.

Now you know fine well I'm staying, I've only ever carried out that threat once before.
And even then I coudn't get far and you're mum came and called me back before I'd even made it to the door.

Here we go same time, same place.
My embarassment versus your damp face.
We could down here or we could talk in bed.
But I'm afraid that's all, as I've already said.

Emma phoned me at work at about half four
It was funny I didn't speak to her anyway
She's a f**king cow better than everybody
Kinda speaking to her mates anyway like that
Anyway we got into the time and she phones me up asked me what I'm doing tonight
I was only gonna sit in and watch the telly as usual wonder where everyone else was
So she says come round to rab's house and that we got some trips in

So I say I'd go round about six
I was about an hour late and I was knocking on the door and that and nobody answered
And I thought oh f**king brilliant they are way out with litman and that
They'll be way out on the town having a laugh
So I walk back round the road cos I thought they were way out and I phoned

Turns out they'd still been there but had been so out of it they couldn't even get to the door
So I went back round
Everybody was fine as usual and I got handed my half
And I thought I'd take it kind as I'm working the next day I better not go to far
But two hours later nothing is happening so I thought f**k it I'll take the rest which I'd been warned about already

Everyone was eh jumping about the room as usual, sitting giggling, having a laugh
Then jeg came in his car and took us to the pub
We told jeg he should be a ranker, that was a f**king laugh
He kept telling to calm down and that like he was like our mum and dad and that
'cause we were acting like wayne's and that giggling and looking at the table and dropping our drinks all over the place
We made it back his car, jon finny .....................into the house then he said park it out and go home
So malcom and I get back to the house
And suddenly somebody's going on about rabner and he's still f**king there
And he's waiting outside now and looks like he's in pain or something like that
He had to go and pick up some of there stuff 'cause they'd used the other stuff for glastonbury the next week
And somebody had said he had apparently took some and he was writhing about in pain outside
So malcom and I walked out
He's was walking along the edge of road on the grass and that
With his f**king stomach held in his hands and screaming and that

And then we lost him he disappeared into the park we didn't know where he was
So malc and I were walking about and then we found him
But we decided we better stay back a bit kind just in case he got a fright
So we followed him up this path as thought that wasn't going to scare him anyway
When we did find him he was there doubled up in pain f**king screaming his eyes out
Groaning about how his stomach was knotted and that he shouldn't be taking it, it was a stupid thing to do
So he sitting there on the hill and that with malc and I on either side
All we could do was sit giggle and look at the grass and take the piss out of him

So we get him up on his feet and start walking him about and he says he's alright


And we walked up to the garage and he's going on about his stomach
Then he starts shouting about how we should get away from him before something happens

(get away get away)

In case he f**king dies or something
So he says he thought he was that f**king bad that's was going to happen and he dinne want us to be involved

(get away get away)

He always looked out for everyone else

(get away get away)

So we took him into the garage he wanted a bottle of irn bru
He was f**king downing this bottle of irn bru talking about his f**king stomach and how he'd taken this to get it out of his system
Talking about it's already in his bile, he's desperately trying to make himself sick and he's screaming all over the f**king place
And malc and I are still laughing we din care what he's up too
He could have taken anything I dunno
Maybe he ..... on the way, could have injected something,
Could have swallowed something nobody knows
But he just stood there with this rotten f**king face
It was all black and cut on the ride into town

He's half feed his bottle of irn bru and he's been sick
All over the f**king place..........
Screaming all the f**king time about
How it was all in the f**king bile and how he wanted to be sick
He keeps f**king screaming
Then he threw up

So we walked on back to the house saturation made us swear
We would tell nobody
So he goes back to the house and he f**king tells everybody
He sloaked himself in his room and started eating a bag of sugar
Or something like that
While everyone else was talking what a dick he was

I ended at up at the park that night
Sitting eating pringles with paula and watching the wildlife
And the next day I went to work I was still out of my face
I was pacing about on the stairs talking to myself
And writing things and he walked in
And stressed the point about making sure that no one would find out

It was the biggest ever cock you'd ever seen, but you've no idea where that cock has been.
You said you were careful - you never were with me.
I heard you did it four times and jonnies come in packs of three.

She was the best shag I'd ever had.
That doesn't mean I'm saying, bedwise, you were bad.
I think you were working, we got a hotel.
We didn't have anything but I thought I might as well.


I never told the rest.
I was drunk and I told you I was thinking about a test.
You know I just said it for effect.
Then you laughed and said I'd f**k anything in a skirt once I'm erect.

And she's a famous harlot in this town.
I know enough to, but still I couldn't turn her down.
He said I'm an arsehole, what was I thinking?
It's far too easy to blame it on the drinking.

Sit by me silently and brush my beard.
No mess to mop up from the bed today.
Will we sit next door and watch the soaps?
We've nothing to do and we've nothing to say.
Oh, when you go...

Recently, we've been somewhat volatile, and last night it starts with that joan osbourne song.
I hate it anyway, but you made it worse.


I know why you laughed and you should know you were wrong.
Oh, when you go...

Bird number one taught me I shouldn't trust, that's why I find unfounded doubts abound.
But number two proved that with none, we've nothing.
And now I'm only happy when you're not around.
Oh, when you go...

How am I supposed to walk you home when you're at least fifty feet ahead?
Cause you walked off in a huff and I'm that pissed I can't even remember what it was I said.

And I don't doubt you wouldn't touch him now, but let's face it, you always use to go for that kind.
And if you ever really wanted two men at once, all I'm saying is I better be one of the guys you've got in mind.

Here we go same time, same place.
I don't like the way you kiss his face.
It's not that there's no trust as such.


I'd love to make up but I've had to much.

Now you know fine well I'm staying, I've only ever carried out that threat once before.
And even then I coudn't get far and you're mum came and called me back before I'd even made it to the door.

Here we go same time, same place.
My embarassment versus your damp face.
We could down here or we could talk in bed.
But I'm afraid that's all, as I've already said.

You just have to be sure you're doing the right thing. I mean it's very easy to forget - she's just sitting there in the pub with her new friends and her new life and her new hair, and it's been five years but you'd know just to look at her.

I wasn't even sure it were her at first; I was ready to walk away but she smiled and called me over and we said hello for a bit. When we back to our tables we were trying not to look over at each other and told our friends to stop staring. I didn't see her for the rest of the night, but by closing time the beers kicked in so I go up and speak to her and we end up talking about our new homes, our new jobs and our new birds.

She says she's been going out with him now for about two and a half years, but they don't live together so he'd never find out. And you think about chasing her about school when you were wee and lying in your bed and listening to love songs and pretending they were about you. and the first time you asked her out she said no but one night you went to a wedding and when you came back to the pub she's changed her mind and you went out. You remember the way she swung her arms when she held your hand but you can't remember how she kissed and now you've got the chance to find out.

But you have to remember there's this other kiss. She's at home, wondering where you are and what you're doing. And you work hard on this kiss and you know it inside out; it's as much yours as it is hers, and it took a long time to get right, it took months of practice and months of embarassment but now you've got it perfected and you've been looking forward to that kiss all week.

You can see her breath in the air between your faces as you stand in the leaves and she just asks you straight out if you want to come and stay at her flat. But you make sure you get separate taxis and you go home and there might be a slight regret and you might wonder what you missed, but you have to remember the kiss you worked so hard on. And you'll know you've done the right thing.