Hello, Muddah! Hello, Fadduh! Here I am at Camp Granada. Camp is very entertaining, And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.
I went hiking with Joe Spivy. He developed poison ivy. You remember Lynnard Skynnard? He got ptomaine poinsoning last night after dinner.
All the counselors hate the waiters. And the lake has alligators. And the head coach wants no sissies, So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.
Now I don't want this to scare ya, But my bunk mate has malaria. You remember Jeffrey Hardy? They're about to organize a searching party.
Take me home. Oh Muddah, Fadduh, Take me home. I hate Granada. Don't leave me Out in the forest where, I might Get eaten by a bear. Take me home. I promise I will not make noise, Or mess the house with other boys. Oh, please don't make me stay, I've been here one whole day.
Dearest Fadduh, Darling Muddah, How's my precious, little bruddah? Let me come home if you miss me. I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me!
Wait a minute! It's stopped hailing. Guys are swimming. Guys are sailing. Playing baseball. Gee! That's better. Muddah, Fadduh, kindly disregard this letter!
My son, the vampire, he'll make you a wreck. Every time he kisses you, there'll be two holes in your neck.
Blood! Blood!
My son, the vampire, he will leave you pale. All he does is drink your blood, 'cause he don't like ginger ale.
When they see him, people scream, and they yell. And they scream and yell 'cause they're scared as heck that he'll say...
Blood! Blood!
My son, the vampire, he's a total loss.
And if you should meet with him, do not drink or eat with him. Run if he takes out his dental floss. 'Cause my son, the vampire, ain't collecting it for the Red Cross! He wants...
Blood!
He needs...
Blood!
He drinks...
Blood!
[spoken] Doesn't everybody? Have a glass! It's delicious! Yum yum! It's...